recovered anorexic

[WishIWasInBuffalo]

The cleaning house part of the OCD doesn't seem to bother MDW as much as some of other OCD behaviors

I feel lazy when I'm not contributing to something. Very hard for me to sit and just watch a movie.

If I have done quite a bit in a day, I'll read some more my my current as a reward. I do read most mornings, but that's because I'm up much earlier than everyone else (I average about 4 hrs of sleep a night) so no one will see me being lazy.

I definitely need to work on the family and friends aspect of my life. Depression/OCD drove most of them away, or drove me away from them, I'm not sure which, but consequently I don't have many friends and almost so family except for the one I created. I do still talk to my Grandma (wonderful person, simply my hero to be honest...), my Aunt (suffers OCD/depression too, but we never talk about that) and my Dad and I exchange brief emails every week. He'll be down for his yearly visit at the end of December. I love having him here. I have told him about my current situation, not all the details, but enough for him to get the picture.

The sleeping 4 hrs a night used to cause anxiety (OMG I need 8 because the gov't said so!), but now that I just allow myself the luxury of just sleeping 4 hours, I feel so much better. The 8 hour rule doesn't apply to me for whatever reason (doctor think because I eat so light!) and I should just enjoy the extra time as long as I don't seem to be suffering any ill effects. No fatigue, no drinking coffee all day to stay away etc. Regardless, just being seems to help me instead of trying to follow every recommendation I come across. I should just enjoy who I am and the benefits of my lifestyle. There's another thread somewhere on this board that deals with "sleep deprivation". I don't like the word deprivation because it stem from deprive and I'm not depriving myself of sleep. I wake up without an alarm and am extremely alert. MDW says that I am a very deep sleeper. Nothing she does wakes me up and my boys have even played drums on my head (I shave it) and I never even stirred. Maybe it's not quantity but quality? MDW is a very light sleep and she needs 9 or 10 hours and still won't feel as good as I do in the morning.

Thank you so much for starting this thread. It's has been very therapeutic for me. Writing my thoughts/feelings helps so much.

[anne8789]

I really enjoyed these posts. A few months ago a friend joked about my "OCD". I didn't get it but the comment stuck with me. After reading your posts (I am very similar to both of you) I realize what she was getting at. I guess I never would describe myself as OCD because I am so lazy about many things that other people seem to care about (socializing, being a perfectionist about the garden, fashion, keeping up with the Joneses). But I am obsessive when it comes to wanting to simplify my diet, my surroundings, my life, etc. Cleaning the house means throwing things away. I love an empty refrigerator. I don't like to have too many clothes. I am a teacher who saves nothing (most teachers save everything). I hate saving anything. It's a wonder I haven't thrown out all but the best pictures of my family. It is calming to live simply.

[WishIWasInBuffalo]

Moderation, flexibility and adaptability are the keys to surviving OCD. Easier said than done of course. I wish you the best. I wasn't able to deal with it until I agreed to professional help. I still don't deal with it that well, but I'm getting better. MDW is amazed at how far I have traveled. My therapist says I'm displaying amazing strength. It's nice to finally have some support after having spent years beating myself up over not being perfect.

[lfwfv]

Anne8789,

We have similar stories...a few years ago, i was living with a family and the woman made an offhand-joking comment about my OCD. I didn't give much thought to it, but it became a kind of joke between us, but i didn't really register it as OCD because it wasn't the typical hand-washing, repetitive door-closing etc. that I associated with true OCD.

Part of my career is also as a teacher and I just finished throwing out all my lesson plans from last year! (i have them on the computer still, so i don't need hard copies). I compulsively purge my house of excesses. I too have simplified my diet down to MWL and essentially Mary's Mini most of the time. I am very routine-oriented and scheduled for the most part (except that I eat according to my physical hunger cues which is decidedly unscheduled!).

Anyway, when this thread got underway, I searched a bit more for OCD. Turns out there are two kinds....OCD (hand-washing, repetitive actions etc), and OCPD- Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. This is me to a tee (almost). I don't hoard things though and I really don't have a terrible temper (i even checked this with my husband haha). Search for it on Wikipedia...might be enlightening.

For now, I really just try to use the OCD to my advantage...I am disciplined and organized which helps me in my field of being a professional musician and teacher and it also helps me to be a good homemaker. I try to let my husband stretch me in terms of being more flexible with having occasional spontaneous fun, going for unstructered walks, taking time to watch a hawk soar above us when we walk to the store, taking time to talk to family and friends on the phone, sending someone a card etc..

I do need to watch that I don't slip into destructive habits...ie. over-practicing, over-running, not eating, over-working to the point of burn-out etc..

I am glad this thread has turned out to be helpful for everyone. It's great not to feel alone isn't it?

Thanks!
lfwfv