Bea's Journal

[BHealthy]

Message posted twice, so this one was erased.

[BHealthy]

The last 2 days have been a little rough - but helpful. My knees haven't been very cooperative. As a result it has been more difficult to get things accomplished than I realized it would be. But I'm keeping at it. I bought a used mobility scooter to use for distances at work and will begin physical therapy later this month.

I've been keeping at my eating and exercising program. I may not be eating enough or drinking enough water though, so I'll be watching out for that from now on. I just don't feel as hungry during the day as I used to, but when I do eat I realize I'm actually very hungry. Three regular meals at consistent times will be a good plan from now on I think.

Better go get some errands accomplished. It was a hot day yesterday and is much cooler today. Thank goodness for rain!

[Ege Bamyasi]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you at the pool and elsewhere with those bad knees. The important thing is that through all of this you aren't giving up! You're in that special 3% or so of people who keep fighting to get the weight down and regain your health in spite of a boatload of adversity. I guess you, me and Letha form our own little triad around here or something. I've had my own share of embarrassing moments and foibles, like when I broke my old office chair and fell sideways into another chair, giving myself a horrible bruise on my upper chest. I almost couldn't get up off the floor after that happened, and even though it was in my own home I was just so humiliated after that. I ended up having to order my own high-capacity office chair online at a cost of $600 when I got my first disability payment, but it's been worth it for my comfort and safety.

Please tell your sister that she's an awesome person for offering to help you with your exercise tomorrow, from me. Keep doing what you do and the improvements will keep coming. Oh, and anyone insensitive enough to be thinking things like "well, sister, you did this to yourself" needs to spend some time reflecting on that little saying that goes something like "there but for the grace of God go I...." {{{hugs}}}

[Letha.]

You are stronger and more courageous then I am. First of all to share all the gritty details. Second to go back to the pool after that horrible experience. Third to face the dreaded scooter and take on another school year. I have no doubt that you are going to succeed in reaching your goals. I’m in your corner and cheering you on my friend.
Letha

[Anna Green]

Hey, my sister and I since childhood always threaten to pull the hair of anyone who hurts the other. So if anyone thinks those ugly judgmental thoughts about you I offer my hair pulling services. But remember you can't think them either because I will pull yours out as well and wouldn't that be the look for school!


Seriously, you are my hero. I don't know if I have ever done anything for my health that is as hard as what you are doing.

[f1jim]

Reading your accounts of the days events really slams home the messge of what obesity is like to deal with on a daily basis. The crushing burden on the knees and joints. The debilitating effects on mobility and travel. The risk to other parts of our bodies because of the struggling with weight related issues. The depressing emotions that come with dealing with these issues.

You are to be commended for keeping the long term answer in mind. How much easier it will be to move around a body that is a fraction of your current weight! How much less your knees will rebel when they are supporting 50, 100, 150,less pounds. If someone were to have to climb out of a pool with 100lbs of weight I doubt 1 in 100 people could do it.

Assigning blame isn't going to help much. Assigning responsibility to ourselves for getting out of this situation is the healthy, productive, response.
It looks like you have accepted that responsibility and are on your way to being able to take credit for turning your situation around. That carries some pretty admirable character in my book. The only thing better than the feeling of gliding out of that pool with a lot less of you to manage, is the admiration of those that are able to envision the effort and mindset to reverse your situation. You will not get tired of telling your story to others mired in the same physical maze you find yourself in. It's true that "There by the grace of God go I" but the real message is to show what we can accomplish to reverse what we have done to ourself. If we are to be effective in reducing obesity and educating others, the message has to include the fact we DO sabotage ourselves with our diet and lack of exercise. We do dig our own graves prematurely and we DO have the power to get out of that downward spiral. You are a beacon of hope and inspiration for those that find themselves in that situation. Shine your light brightly and lead the way.
f1jim

[Ege Bamyasi]

Awesome post, Jim.

[LauraA]

I can't wait to see you as a Star McDougaller, and say that "I knew you when!" You are doing great. I appreciate your sharing - we all need to keep in mind why we need to become and stay healthy. You are definitely on the right track. Take care, LauraA

[toadfood]

Bea, you are so brave. Thank you for your story. I'm really impressed that you are continuing with swimming, and finding better ways to get around despite all the pain. I don't know if I could do it.

I hope you are able to stop feeling shame about needing help. I know you feel like it's your fault you're in this situation -- but does blaming yourself help anything? You are a wonderful person and you are getting better every day. Ride your scooter with pride -- some people would decide they can't work any more, and apply for disability. Not you! You're strong, and getting the scooter is part of that.

I'm so glad you are part of this group. Now every time I don't feel like exercising I'll say to myself, "Bea is doing it, and that means I can do it too."

[ncyg46]

I am sooooo proud of you and you have a great spirit! I am rooting for you! Have a good day!

[BHealthy]

I came here this morning to erase my post about all the recent physical/emotional angst. I'd forgotten that this forum is very public and felt a bit exposed.

I appreciate everyone's supportive comments so very much. I certainly don't feel like a beacon of hope by any means, but I am very, very grateful for the thoughtful and encouraging words you've all shared. I don't know how to thank each of you individually right now. Your words are so touching. Just know that I would love to give each of you a big hug.

I will keep a copy of that post and your replies, to remember what it felt like to be in this situation and how possible it can be to move forward. To say it's motivating is an understatement. Thank you everyone.

Got in a good workout. I need to get a little timer today because my sister told me I worked out for almost 90 minutes - not counting the cool down stretches, that would be like 80 aerobic minutes and that's going to become too much for now. I want to keep it down to no more than 60. I know the more I exercise, the better, but I can feel some exhaustion and feelings of avoidance - like it's never going to end. I want to feel invigorated and strong after exercising, not worn out and a little hopeless. So that's my current plan - don't overdo it.

On with another day in the journey toward health.

Hugs to all of you!

[sksamboots]

Your doing great with the exercises, wow you last so long! I'm so jealous ...Your amazing

[BHealthy]

I continue to eat and exercise as I've planned. I'm incredibly saturated with fluids, though and I don't understand why. I've been more active - walking, working out, eating right. I haven't been taking the lasix - trying to lose fluids without using medication, but am taking it now due to the incredible amount of fluids returning. I am so disappointed in this. I quadrupled the lasix and potassium doses - but to no avail so far. Arrrgggghh - or should I say "blub-blub-blub" being so waterlogged.

It seems that the more walking I do, the more the fluids return. What is that all about? I would think the reverse should happen.

Okay, enough moaning and groaning. I've got to get busy now.

Thanks for your kind words of support everyone. I wish I were losing weight - but I seem to be gaining it. I'm ready for a catheter and and megadoses of something to wash it all out of me - or maybe some sort of human ringer that presses it out of you like the one my grandmother used on her laundry? I'm game.

[Ege Bamyasi]

I know you are frustrated with the water thing right now, Bea, but it is something that will take a while to completely resolve itself. I still have a propensity to retain water in my lower legs and feet, and must rely on light compression below both knees to avoid swelling and further ulcerations. It may take until you get down to around 200-ish (250 to 275 for me is what I've been told) for the problem to go away entirely, but you will see improvement in the end.

If you can spend a little bit of time every day on your bed, with your feet up on the wall or the top of your headboard, that might help some of the water drain out. Walking will certainly strengthen you, but the effects of gravity will win out closer to the surface of the skin.

For now, you are very active and eating wonderful food. Your body is thanking you in ways you can't see even if the fluid problem is a tougher one to beat. If you have a temporary gain, don't let it worry you. I stated in my own journal that I may have a similar thing happen to me this week since my b. p. seems to be low enough without lasix so some water might re-settle in my own body. As long as it's not a massive amount, I'm going to try my best to let nature and the plan sort things out. If I must go back on the lasix I will.

We'll get there, Bea. I promise!

[LauraA]

Hi again - I love reading your blog, and I know that you are on the right track. It seems like your doctor should be able to give advice about what will help the fluid hurry and go away in your legs! Stay on plan - we're all in this together! Take care, LauraA