Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny

[JT of PA]

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John,

I'm sort of in the same boat ... allowing some outside reasons to influence me and I know they are not good for me.

I too and trying to get back to what I know works ... one day and decision at a time.

All the best and Thank You for keeping it real ... I'm not alone when I fall and I'm not alone when I succeed.

I went back up to a size 40 pant and the 38's are on the hanger taunting me ... grrr, time to wipe that silly look off the 38's label.

All the best,
John

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[JohnLarson]

Thanks for the replies, it means lots.

In my failed attempts to return to this WOE, I found myself trying to fix months worth of back sliding in a few days. It does not work that way. What is scary, is that I really wasn't eating that bad. Not much meat, no fast food, not a bunch of sweets. Most people would have thought I was eating good.

I am lucky because I do have my own expierence to draw from. I know what did work and what did not. I also have the members here expierence to draw from. I know many have had and do have the same struggles that I have.

I will aim for MWL and treat myself to on-plan non-MWL foods once in a while. No planned off-plan food. No going into a restaurant where I know I can't stay on-plan. No little bites of the SAD CRAP in my house. I was just offered some buttery microwave popcorn. I have been eating "left-overs" in the past few months, can't waste food. The thing is, it is not really food. Me eating that stuff is a waste, a waste of my life. Waste just goes to my waist. I don't need to be the protector of the left-overs.

Today has been good. I did not check my blood sugar, but I am sure it is high. I am going to check it now, it has been at least six hours since I ate. 94, so that cheers me up. I even tested twice. It is amazing what being 100% does. It has been a while since I had two 100% MWL days in a row. Not even one kernel of buttery popcorn. I have my air popper, but I am not hungry. One of the most simple rules with this WOE is "if you are hungry, eat; if you are not hungry, don't eat".

I started the day off with some push-ups and sit-ups. I did 10 and then 5 push-ups. The first 10 might not all been the best form, so I did five more after the 10 sit-ups.

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/banana
L & D: boiled potatoes w/ steamed broccoli and green beans, boiled field peas.

I am real glad to be back. I hope to get caught up in the forum soon and in everyone else's journals. I am really grateful to those that keep up with mine and comment, it really makes me feel a part of. Thanks.

[JohnLarson]

Today was another good day, third day in a row at 100% MWL and starting the day with push-ups and sit-ups. I also have done the treadmill four days in a row.

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/ banana
L: (Ruby Tuesday) salad bar and three baked potatoes

I worked late and was not hungry. I have been at my job selling radio advertising for almost a year. I am to the point where my pay is 100% commission. I have never been a sales person before, I am still learning. June and most of July were very rough months for me, but the past few days have been pretty good. I think I have had a better attitude this week. August is a make or break month for me. If I am unable to make a decent living doing this, then I will need to figure out another path. Right now I am grateful to have a job. I stayed late doing some admin stuff so I can focus on sales during the day. The stress has not been good and I have let it affect my eating. I turned down a donut today at work and didn't think twice about it.

I missed my regular home group AA meeting tonight, this is the second Thursday in a row I worked late and missed it. I will need to plan out my days better.

All in all a good day.

[JohnLarson]

Another 100% MWL day. I also did the treadmill this evening, even though I tried to talk myself out of it, plus I did my push-ups and sit-ups this morning.

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/banana
L: left over field peas, greatness beans, topchips, boiled potatoes
D: cucumber & onion salad, green beans, potatoes made crispy on the waffle maker topped with spaghetti sauce.

My morning blood sugar was 123, so that is getting better. I will weigh myself in the morning. I am fairly sure I lost weight. Even if not, I feel great. I have really enjoyed catching up on the forums. I am sure there are bunches of new Star McDougall stories to read, plus lots of new members.

[JohnLarson]

Weigh-in Day!

236.8

I am going in the right direction,

[kkrichar]

Yay!!! Good job!

[JohnLarson]

Yesterday was a good day. A couple of times I reached for a bag of chips on top of the fridge, but did not eat any. I did eat a bite size free sample of premade PB&J sandwiches at the grocery store. My wife gave me some crap about it. I did not do exercises on Saturday, but did do them this morning. I might start adding more push-ups during the day, I will see. Mine this morning were real good. I mentioned something to my wife, she said to talk to her in three weeks. She has seen me restart a few times.

B: Waffle Iron Hashbowns
L: Green Beans & Potatoes
D: Salad, Broccoli & Potatoes.

Today my type II, thyroid issue friend comes over to hang out. I guess gluten effects thyroids, so he is now going for gluten free stuff. I am not sure about any of that stuff. I had some black and brown rice that I cooked up yesterday to eat today, plus I am cooking up some dried beans. I bought him his normal bag of BBQ chips and he will raid my wife's ice cream. He will want to talk about eating plans and his health, but it is just talk. I will be glad when football season starts. He really is not into football like I am, but it gives me something to focus on. Maybe we will go for a hike in the rain today. Sometimes he can go for a short walk.

I still want to find a physical activity. Maybe hiking. I really can do that on my own or just walking. For now it is the treadmill.

[JohnLarson]

Saw this on another thread and wanted to copy it here for my own reading. This is from Jeff N.

The real bottom line is that we should be avoiding most all processed/packaged foods and know that the few we may include, are almost always calorie dense.

It is my goal to one day eat nothing with a label.

This past week the following foods had labels:

Oatmeal
Rice
Spaghetti Sauce
Ketchup
Mustard
BBQ Sauce
Salad Dressing
Soy Sauce
Teriyaki Sauce

Really, this is pretty good as it is mostly condiments.

[JohnLarson]

Another one from Jeff N,

Enjoy foods as close to "as grown in nature" with minimal processing that does not detract from the nutritional value &/or add in any harmful components.

Both Dr. M and Jeff N have great quotes. Heck, so do lot's of the members here. I hope my level of enthusiasm keeps up. I sure have enjoyed this past week!

[JohnLarson]

This afternoon I had a doctor's appointment. I was sort of freaking out about as I have gained weight since my last visit in November, mostly from eating SAD on and off. I know my blood sugar was up and was pretty sure this visit would go poorly and they would want me back on the meds. The meds were 5 pills and a shot at night. My plan B was to beg for 90 more days before going back on the meds.

I have gained 26 pounds, so there is concern about that. I told him it had been a gradual return of about a pound a week because I went off my eating plan and exercise. He checked his notes, I think it sort of came back to him about me, so that was good. My blood pressure was 130/69. A little higher than I would like, but he was not conscerned. My total cholesterol was 163 and he seemed very happy with that. My a1c was 6.5, which is where it was last time. He felt with the weight gain, that was not a surprise. I think I was over 11 at one time, he told me the different results over the years and seemed okay with this number. He suggested to get back on track as far as diet & exercise. He saw no reason for me to return to my meds. He does want to see me in 90 days and expects me to be down a few pounds. I told him I expect to be half way there by then, which was sort of a lie because I expect to be down at least 26 pounds in 12 weeks. My last visit in November I was already on the upswing. We did agree I knew how to do it, that I just needed to do it.

Before my appointment I called my AA sponsor. He knows how happy I was to get under 200 pounds and has seen me put the weight back on. We don't normally talk about the WOE or any of this. Today we did. He is not a diabetic. He is old and has health issues and eats SAD. The guy has not had a drink in 38 years and it is a miracle he is even alive. He told me about a friend of his who is diabetic that was checking their sugar to see how much insulin to take to eat a piece of chocolate cake or if they could eat it or not. This friend was large and they were discussing the guys situation. Jim, my sponsor, blurts out to the guy, "Just don't eat the f#%$ing cake". He of course felt bad for his outburst. It didn't make sense for the guy to eat the food that gave him diabetes in the first place, but then Jim related it to drinking and alcoholism. "Just don't drink", seems easy enough, but for an alcoholic, it is not that easy on their own. His opinion changed because he knew about the struggles of wanting to drink like other people. His friend just wanted to eat like other people.

So just like a drunk staying away from that first drink, I need to stay away from that first bite. I need to stop pretending that a little bite, sample or taste is okay. I don't think an occasional sip of a beer would be okay, so how could a bite of SAD CRAP, under ANY CONDITIONS be okay? It will lead me to more. I know this. Just because other people can eat pizza and cake, does not mean that I can.

Lots of this I already knew. Most of it I already believed. What I learned today is that for me, I need to apply the principles of the 12 steps to my eating issues. That does not mean I need to go to OA, what it does mean is that I need to start with a solid first step. I really thought that I could control SAD eating and that I should be able to have some once in a while. I earned it! This is like the drunk getting drunk to celebrate getting their 6 month chip. The fact is that I am powerless over SAD CRAP; and my life is unmanageable. I can wish it away, I can hope it away, but the fact will not change. I can't eat like normal people.

If I wish to continue to relapse and ruin my health, then sure, I can have a bite here and there, but if I want to live free of the consequences then I need to live free of SAD CRAP. This is not a theory.

I have lots more work to do on this, but I think I had some breakthroughs today.

Today was good, sit-ups and push-ups in the morning. I will do the treadmill in a bit.

B: banana (after fasting lab work)
L: rice & beans
D: salad, potatoes

I avoided some really good looking homemade deserts tonight...

[viv]

Hi John, you are so right about not even eating one bit of SAD. I HATE the out of control feeling when the reward center of my brain is triggered....by what? Well I just returned from a vacay in Georgia visiting my niece. She said she wanted to "eat like me" and she did with some additions. One of those additions was a huge bag of ranch flavored pita chips. So I had one (and you know the rest) well the taste explosion was unbelievable, I couldn't get enough of those chips! I was sneaking them and even creeping into the kitchen and trying to open the bag so silently without a rustle and then my niece would yell from the other room, "Vivienne, are you in the chips again!" Oh it was awful! I eventually had to make a picture in my mind's eye of the bag of pita chips covered in dog poo! That did it, but it was tough.

So, I'm with you John, NO SAD!

viv

[SusanneUK]

John, I haven't read your full journal - only this last page - and with that journal title I had wondered if it was related to a 12 step programme!

I spent years in food recovery. The programme I did wasn't OA but a sub-group that was very strict and so I wasn't going to OA, but to AA meetings. Well done on putting the bottle down.

Great news on not going back on meds!!! That's a big one, and hopefully a motivator to stick to the right foods.

If I've learned one thing in the Fellowship, it's this... One Day At A Time!! Today and only today is when I need to do this. I can do today. I think you can, too.

[JohnLarson]

Thanks everyone who posted. It really feels good when I see the comments.

This truly is one day at a time and often one meal at a time. I did not do the treadmill last night. I got home late and got side tracked. I think I will do it twice today. Food has been good. I have been avoiding the treats. I have even not made any on-plan snacks like pop-corn or topchips lately. I used to have pickles and gardenia mix to snack on, but this time around I have not bought any. I did have an extra banana last night as they are going brown. I think I am going to limit snacking. If I am hungry, then I just need to eat a meal. I can steam veggies pretty fast or whip up a salad. I can also steam the veggies with a bag of brown rice below and it is done in about 10 minutes. I will save snack foods for snack times, like watching movies or sports with my wife and friends. "Normal" snacking times. Not at 10 PM because I am bored.

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/banana
L: (Wendy's) a single potato
D: salad, broccoli, potatoes
S: banana

E: 12 sit-ups; 12 - 5 push-ups; no treadmill

I have been getting on the scale almost every morning and almost every night before bed. I am going to do my best not to get freaked out by the numbers or letting those numbers dictate anything. Bottom line is that if I eat the way that is outlined ALL the time. I will get results. I know this first hand. I have thought about goals recently. At this point I really do not have any goals and do not plan to make any goals in the traditional sense. I don't want to "arrive". I want to be healthy and happy. I don't want to suffer from a preventable disease.

[nayasmom]

Hi John,
I think you're doing an awesome job. You're identifying the traps, and you're taking steps to eliminate them. What's not to cheer about?
I've enjoyed reading your journal, but honestly don't have much to offer by way of advice or suggestions. There's wisdom to be gained from your recorded experiences. Thank you.
Robyn

[JohnLarson]

What I like about the forums here is that it helps keep my thinking in line. When I am not active in the forums, I am normally thinking and eating my old way. The support here is a big part. Maybe one day I will meet someone in person that is following this WOE to hang out with.

Yesterday was an odd day. At work I normally am able to come home to eat as I am out and about. That was the plan yesterday. Well, I never made it out. Stuff kept coming up. So I worked through lunch, not a big deal, but then I stayed late. It was after 8 PM before I was heading home. I came home and did the treadmill, then wound down a bit. I had agreed to do the treadmill twice, to make up for skipping yesterday, so I was just relaxing and noticed it was 11 PM and I was not hungry.

I did the treadmill again and then relaxed and went to bed. I woke up this morning and I feel just fine. Did 12 good push-ups and sit-ups. So I had an unplanned fast. I did not feel hungry or if I did I didn't know. Very odd that I was not hungry. I slept just fine.

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/banana

E: 12 sit-ups; 12 push-ups; 30m, 30m treadmill

I think this is day 10 eating 100% on plan.