@Annette Yes, I agree that it would be so much easier if we were both aiming for the same goal. Part of my frustration is that I have memories of when we were both on board with our eating and it was so much easier without all the temptations. Best of all, we supported each other. Now, it is he is told to do an anti-inflammatory diet and he is not interested in making the necessary changes. Just the other day, we went grocery shopping and the first thing he throws in the cart is chocolate bars, then he tossing in 2 bags of chips. Then we come to the freezer section and he says that he wants to get more vegetables because he has to cut back on grains.
@Serene - I think it is a combination of both. I try not to take too much personally because he is in a lot of pain and he did not have a good father figure and he does what he knows. But for all the lecturing he does to other people, sometimes I wish he'd take his own advice. I follow his mother's advice and have learned to pick my battles. This journal is my venting and I am sure he feels I bring as much baggage to our relationship as I do him.
And now I have added my parents into the mix -- my mom is so infuriating because she is, in general, not a very nice person to be around. I am learning that negativity is a much stronger force than being positive. When I am around her when she is in her mood, it takes me a while to shake it off. Fortunately, I am making that connection that if I eat C.R.A.P. I will feel like crap.
December 23, 2019
I exported my data from fitbit and realize that I am a bit on the chubby side from this time last year. UGH! I am on week three of that Spark People Challenge and the little changes that I am focusing on seem to be good for getting my mindset where it ought to be.
The other day, I saw hubby getting into my stash of dark chocolate and I got so upset. I think my revenge side of me took over because I then started eating his stash of potato chips. Yeah! That really hurt him. So stupid. I was doing so well these past few days. Now, I feel like I have to start over again.
It was close to 30°F these past few days, so Saturday, about an hour before sunset I grabbed my camera and headed out for the woods. I was hoping to get a pretty sunset photo. No such luck. The sky was just a grayish-blue. It was a tough walk. The road to the lake is not plowed but it is a snowmobile trail in the winter. Unfortunately, it was not hard packed yet so it took me an hour to go 2-1/2 miles. Slow walk, yet I was huffing and puffing. According to my fitbit, I burned more calories walking than I do when I am on the treadmill. (I think there is a lesson in that somewhere.)
And then yesterday, the sun was shining and again it was in the 30's but I did not want to wait until sunset. I decided to walk the snowmobile trails that went through the woods. I decided to explore off trail a bit and followed a trail where someone had followed a deer trail. I went quite the distance into the woods, but got a bit nervous when I saw the canine track over the trail . Wolf or the wild dog that lives next door (the one that attacked our dog)? Not sure, I decided to turn around and head back to the snowmobile trail. (I don't like being in the woods if I am nervous.) Then I arrived at the pavilion that is in the middle of the trails and I decided to go on the one that I have not yet explored. Man, talk about hilly -- some of those hills were so hard to get up in the snow. In other words, I got a good workout yesterday: 4.69 miles but it took me two hours and I was huffing and puffing in some areas. That snow was like walking on a sandy beach.
Yesterday, I decided to make some Forks Over Knives recipes:
Creamy Wild Rice Soup - onion, mushroom, carrot, bell pepper and wild rice; it was "creamy" or thickened with almond flour and chickpea flour
Caldo Verde - onion, potato, spinach, and beans (I added some corn to it)
Vanilla Custard - banana, maple syrup, and tahini (suppose to top with fresh fruit, but I skipped that)
All three were keepers, but the dessert was way too sweet. It could have done with less or none of the maple syrup. And it did not thicken, also I do not think the photo Forks Over Knives had was a true photo because theirs was a nice white firm looking and mine was runny and brown, but then I used way overripe bananas. But it gives me an idea for dessert next time, smash up a banana with tahini or peanut butter.
I guess I have meals made for today. I learned a new technique when making the Creamy Wild Rice soup was to add the bell pepper toward the end of the cooking. I usually saute the peppers with the onion in the beginning, but adding at the end left a bit more flavor in the bell pepper.
Well, my weight is stuck at this higher amount for now. It is going to take me some serious tweaking on what I eat to get it moving again. Yesterday, on my walk, I wore the hiking pants I bought for my "adventures" but the size was for me to be about 5 pounds less. Fortunately, it was stretching material so I was able to squeeze into them over my base layer. But, I cannot gain anymore or they won't fit in the spring.
I hope I do well with my eating today. I am frustrated (disappointed?) with hubby. Yesterday, I was telling him about my progress with the strength challenge exercises I am doing this month and how it included push-ups and I am not able to do them in what they call the "full pushup" and was needed to do them on an incline. But, I tried the full push-up and was able to do 3 of them. His response was, "When I was in the Navy and had to do them, I was able to do xx number." - He could not acknowledge my progress but had to turn the conversation to him and what he had done. Conversations are always about him and what he knows, never about anyone else. I miss they days when we had actual conversations with both of contributing.
When I went to that culinary training, one of the courses required was a communication class and we had to write a paper on the differences between how men and women communicate. Through my research for the paper, I discovered that men like to talk, but they will talk about what they know or what they accomplished and have difficulty talking about how they feel. Perhaps knowing this keeps me more tolerant of his talking all the time because that seems to fit him and his personality. Another thing that keeps me tolerant is what I read in that book "Potatoes Not Prozac" because one of her subjects that she wrote about seemed like she knew my hubby personally. But hey! we all have some type of problem, it just manifests itself in different ways. Hubby's brother tells him, "You are not okay, I am not okay, but that's okay."
by Morris » Mon Dec 09, 2019 9:40 am 
Keep up the good fight! As always I'm impressed with your stamina.
My little frog is hopping backwards
