Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny

[JohnLarson]

Thursday was very busy and I worked late again, but I did eat. Same thing with today. No lunch. I think before I went through a two meal phase. I might need to look. I think I am going to not worry if I skip lunch if I am busy and not hungry.

It has been a long time since I had this many days 100%. There has been some temptations, but I stayed clear. I know what is on-plan and what is not. I have to treat non-plan food like I do alcohol and drugs. If all I have to worry about is the first bite of non-food, then it makes life easier. Maybe one day I won't need to count how many days I have been on plan, that being on plan is normal and I have no desire to eat SAD CRAP.

But today, it is a big deal for me. Tomorrow is weigh in day. I am pretty sure I will like my results.

Yesterday's food & exercise:

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/brown sugar
D: salad, beans & rice

E: 12 sit-ups, 12 push-ups, 30m treadmill

Today's food & exercise:

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/brown sugar
D: salad, waffle style potatoes

E: 15 sit-ups, 15 push-ups, ? treadmill

I think I will stick with the 15 sit-ups and push-ups the next week and work on form. I am not sure if I will do the treadmill tonight, I am pretty tired. If the weather is nice tomorrow I think I might run outside or go for a hike.

[JohnLarson]

Weigh in day!

I lost 6 pounds this week. I am at 230.8.

This week I noticed that I was not needing to stretch my XL t-shirts to feel comfortable and my pants were not as snug. Being 100% on MWL sure gets results. Part of MWL is being active for 30 minutes a day, I think I forget about that part of a healthy lifestyle.

I think about two years ago when I first came to this WOE and where my mind was and how different it is now. Something I am figuring out and what the title of my journal means to me is that it is the journey and not the destination. This WOE is not the means to an end, it is the end. When I eat this way, I have arrived at my goal. The numbers on the scale are just numbers, just mile posts on the road I am already traveling. Before I would think, when I get to X pounds, I am going to do Y and eat Z. Z would always be some sort of SAD CRAP that I felt I deserved or missed or even needed. I remember people trying to help with my thinking, the planning to go off plan. I think I had to learn for myself, but the seeds they planted did take root.

I don't know if I will never eat off-plan again, but I do know that I will not plan to eat off-plan again. In the past two years every piece of meat and dairy product I have consumed was thought over and I choose to eat. I can only think of one time that I meant to eat first going to a pizza party, that I had to attend, and ran out of time to eat first. I could have survived without eating. My "just one" slice turned into 4 or 5, yep a half or more of a whole pizza. It was not even good pizza. I am not even sure when was the last time I even had good pizza, it has been at least three years.

So today I am feeling good. There is a little drama at work than I am in the middle of. I hope it gets worked out next week. I have been at radio sales job for 11 months now, but am still sort of the new guy. They go through people, so it takes a while to be part of. I really like it, I just wish I had bigger clients.

Time to do some exercises and eat. Rainy day here.

[WeeSpeck]

I don't know if I will never eat off-plan again, but I do know that I will not plan to eat off-plan again.

I love that affirmation!

Your enthusiasm is infectious.

I'm glad you're back and sharing with the group.

[viv]

Wow John congratulations on staying on plan, the weight loss is a fantastic added bonus too. Have a fab week!

Viv

[JohnLarson]

It has been a good weekend. I am so glad to be headed in the right direction again. It is crazy how off track I got.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping. I wanted to reward myself with some non-MWL food. I was going to get some whole wheat pasta, then some bread, then decided on corn tortillas, which are MWL.

Then I thought about it. Corn tortillas are okay on MWL if you have a few of them. I can eat at least 9 of my tacos when I am feasting. I can't limit my intake of the corn tortillas. I got honest with myself and wondered why I would change anything I am doing. I did not get the corn tortillas or any non-MWL food. Losing six pounds is not a special occasion or a family event.

No one can really tell I have lost 11 pounds, people will tell me when they notice the weight loss. They will be very concerned. When I was under 200, all sorts of people were concerned. No one seemed concerned when I was almost 300. I topped out at 297... No one said I looked funny. I am better prepared now and I look forward to these conversations. I look forward to wearing the clothes I had bought, that one day should be too big.

So, I am staying on MWL, which should just be called advanced McDougall. I am keeping my food real simple. It is really not that big of a difference, a little more veggies, less fruit, no flour. There are some non-MWL meals I want to try soon, maybe I can do some of them without the bread. I tend to overeat the bread.

Watched movies yesterday and had popcorn and then later some oatmeal for a snack.

Yesterday:

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/brown sugar
L: broccoli, potatoes
D: salad, potatoe broccoli
S: popcorn
S: 1/2c oatmeal w/brown sugar

E: 15 sit-ups, 15 push-ups, no treadmill

Today:

L: brown rice and black-eyed peas.
D: brown rice and black-eyed peas.
S: popcorn

E: 15 sit-ups, 15 push-ups, no treadmill

I avoided all sorts of CRAP today.

[JohnLarson]

It is Tuesday night. No treadmill lately. Still on MWL. Work has been a little stressful.

On another thread I posted all of my food bought for the week and it basically broke down my food plan. I like being active on the forum and Facebook. Some of the food ideas get me excited about my next feast. My food is sort of boring, but I like it.

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/banana
L: salad, potatoes w/BBQ sauce
D: brown rice and green beans w/ teriyaki sauce & soy sauce

E: sit-ups 15, push-ups 15

[JohnLarson]

Work has been crazy busy. I keep meaning to update my journal. My weigh-in Saturday was not as good as I would like. No treadmill and a few SAD meals...

If I am not posting, I am most likely not on plan. Even yesterday, I ended up having a couple of PB&J sandwiches and a 100 calorie pack of cookies.

I am at 231.2. I have been good today and I hope my detour was not too long. I have been doing my push-ups and sit-ups, just no treadmill. My SAD meals have not been too crazy, no prime rib or pizza, just off plan.

[JohnLarson]

After a few ups and downs, I have returned to this WOE, again. I have attempted to restart a few times since I last posted here.

Thanksgiving was my last SAD meal. I am calling it my last supper and I plan on it being my last full on SAD meal. I have hit quite a bottom. Before thanksgiving, my wife told me if I was to continue to eat like I was that I should go back on my meds. That I should make a doctors appointment. So Thanksgiving was my last goodbye.

So what now? First I have to get my eating right. It is just a matter of following directions. I will be eating MWL and reward milestones with pasta and bread McDougall friendly meals.

The main thing is just saying no. I can live without SAD CRAP. It is really just as saying no instead of putting stuff in my mouth that has no business being there.

Today the scale was at 249.8. This was a much better number than black friday, which I am not sure what it even was, but it was over 250. I had been at 242 at my last attempt to restart, which might had lasted a week. So I hope I hit a good enough bottom to stay on track.

I will weigh in on Saturdays and report it here. My sugar has been all over and still is, but I know if I follow this WOE my numbers will get back on track. I will start checking in the mornings like I used to.

I have also volunteered to admin a Facebook group for MWL. I learned a few things about MWL by doing this and I really have benefited from the activity there.

One thing that jumped out at me from MWL and Mary's Mini (which I am not doing, but I have tried) is that variety adds to overeating. So I am keeping my meals real simple. I was going to come up with 10 go to meals, but I think it will be just 5, with some options.

Breakfast will be oatmeal w/banana. Lunch and dinner will include a salad and be centered around potatoes or brown rice. I will eat mostly broccoli and a vegetable stir fry combo l, which steams pretty well. For snacks, I will eat potatoes, popcorn, carrots, radishes, pickles or gardenia mix. There are also apples here if I want something sweet, but I really want to just eat the lone banana for now.

Today I made some topchip potato chips. Great to watch football with. I also had popcorn during the latest game (was on while typing this).

I guess I could log my blood sugar, food and exercise.

12/7/14

BS: 140

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/banana
L: steamed rice w/steamed mushrooms & stir fry veggies
D: salad
S: topchip chips
S: carrots and radishes
S: airpopped corn

E: none

Lots of other stuff going on. I will post more as I return.

I am back.

[JohnLarson]

Thanks Lynn. I am glad to be back.

BS: 120

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/banana
L: salad, potato w/mustard
D: salad, potato w/spaghetti sauce
S: TopChips
S: popcorn

E: sit-ups 10; push-ups 10

I was surprised on my exercise this morning. I was also very happy with my BS considering I had popcorn the night before. I stayed up pretty late reading the forums. I noticed Norm had not posted in a while and I went to his blog, he has a chat set up and I was able to connect with him. Norm not being an active member of this forum is sad. He is a great inspiration and is honest about his feelings and actions. I hope he finds people he can help.

I think a big part of helping ourselves can be achieved by helping others. I think most of us have that desire, just to be helpful. Norm was very helpful. I am glad I have another outlet to keep in touch with him. I am going to keep my posts in the journal sections. I am going to try to catch up on some other journals as I can. The journals help me lots.

Glad to be back. Expect big things!

[JohnLarson]

BS: 120

B: oatmeal w/banana
L: (PDQ) Salad
D: salad, corn on the cob, rice and beans
S: two cookies

E: push-ups 10, sit-ups 10

In the mail I received a tin of Mrs. Fields cookies from a firm I have worked with. I had picked out four cookies, but my wife caught me and said something about sugar. I had already inhaled one of them and was almost done with the second. They are small cookies. So I tried to rationalize that if my sugar was under 125 it would be okay. My sugar was 122, then my wife pointed out that I had a salad for lunch, so of course it would be lower. I put the other two cookies back. I did finish the one I started. I really have no business eating cookies. I ate some the Sunday before last at a meeting. I can avoid the cookies.

We purchased a gift bag at a fundraiser and it had 5 gift cards for combo meals at PDQ, a restaurant chain I had never heard of and never ate at. I think their claim to fame is chicken tenders. They had grilled chicken salads with mixed cheeses. I got one with no chicken and cheese. I would have not wanted to pay the $5.99 for it ($1 off no chicken), but for free it was good. I picked up my wife a sandwich and fries.

I have been getting on the scale in the morning and at night. I know this can drive me nuts, but right now, I want to see the numbers. So far, I like the trend I am going in.

I have not got started on the treadmill yet. I want to focus on my eating and attitude. I will want to increase my sit-ups and push-ups.

I really hope I am back. I want to be back. I get sort of depressed and down when I think about my return to SAD. I really hope I never have to go through this again. I know I don't have to if I follow directions.

Stupid cookies...

[Lizzy_F]

Hi John. Thank you so much for posting honestly about your ups and downs. Makes me feel less alone! Congratulations on getting back in the saddle. I need to get back in the saddle too. I like your idea about a few sit-ups and push-ups every day. I'm sure just 10 a day make a difference. I might just steal that idea.

BACK AWAY FROM THE COOKIES!!!

Have a good day John. Good to see you back.

[JohnLarson]

Thanks Lizzy. I am real happy to be back and I have stayed away from the cookies.

BS: 160

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/ banana
L: leftover rice and beans
D: salad, rice & broccoli w/sweet & sour sauce

E: push-ups 15, sit-ups 7

I am not sure why my BS was 160, could be the cookies and the corn. I am going to assume it was real high before I went to sleep. This is not going to happen overnight.

I was only able to do 7 sit-ups this morning due to leg cramps and being in a hurry. I am going to start getting up a little earlier. I have been running behind the last few weeks. I am in a little bit of a funk. Mostly due to my weight gain. I try not to think about it, but it really has me down. I can't really explain how I feel. I look at pictures of me from August of 2013 and wonder how could've I fallen so far back when I was doing so well. It would be different if it was 10 years ago, but it was just the summer before last. I can't dwell on what was, but it does bother me that I put so much weight back on.

The cookie tin is still here. My wife went to eat the second row and it was styrofoam. Only one level of cookies in the cookie tin, very misleading. I don't want any cookies. I want to be healthy and not be on meds. I want to fit in my 34" waist button fly Levis.

[nayasmom]

Hi John,
Are you eating enough food? More to the point, are you eating enough starches? I understand the frustration of dealing with weight gain after having a huge success in the weight loss arena, believe me. It just looks to me a little like you're actually trying to punish yourself by limiting food; hence, the temptations and the potential slide into mindless eating.
I wonder if it's time to redefine a few things, like accomplishments vs failures. There is a pattern to depression, and it takes awareness plus work to break the pattern. Instead of "I could only do x sit-ups", I think it's fantastic that you did some sit-ups! Some = lots better than none!
Instead of "I ate two cookies that I shouldn't have eaten", I think it's amazing that you had planned to eat 4 and stopped at two! Talk about accomplishment! Not only that, but that was all you ate out of the whole tin.
I'm right proud of you for getting back on the horse, so to speak. Getting thrown off only matters if you never get back on.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Robyn

[JohnLarson]

Robyn, thanks for posting. You are correct. I am dealing with a bit of depression and I need to give myself a break. I also need to be more positive. I am back and I am already feeling better.

I am getting plenty of food. My rice is the boil in the bag rice and I rarely don't finish it and it is just me eating it. I am not sure if it is 2 or 4 "servings". I normally eat two large baking potatoes or several small ones. I am guessing it would be over a pound, but less than 2 pounds each meal when I eat potatoes. I have not been hungry. That is the great thing about this WOE is that you eat plenty of good food.

I am not trying to be depressed and down on myself. For the most part I am not. I come here to dump some of that. I am also in a few Facebook groups and I forget what gets posted where, so somethings might be a little out of context. Overall, I am really excited about being back to McDougalling.

Thanks again for posting!

[JohnLarson]

BS: 161

B: 1/2c oatmeal w/banana
L: (Bento Box) miso soup, seaweed salad, udon w/veggies, sushi
S: coffee w/creamer & sugar

E: push-ups 15, sit-ups 11

On Thursday's I meet my wife for lunch. Normally we go to Ruby Tuesday. Once in awhile we go to Wendy's or Taco Bell. We have some gift certificates for a Japanese place called Bento Box, so we decided to eat there. I doubt if the food was oil free, so I maybe should put the whole meal bold, but I think I made okay choices. Next time I will get salad, rice and steamed veggies. I will not be eating the sushi there again. I got it because the gift cards are in $10 increments and I had $4 left, so I got a little sushi. I ended up paying 38 cents. My wife was not real impressed with the place, so I doubt if we will go back. It really just made me miss my favorite restaurant. I have two certificates left. I am positive I can eat on plan there and I can stay clear of their sushi, it was not that good.

I was not hungry after work and went to an 8 o'clock meeting. I rode my motorcycle there. I think it was 37 degrees when I left. While at the meeting I had a couple cups of coffee, which is very rare for me. It had to be below freezing on the ride home, but I loved it. I might need to get some sort of face mask if I ride more often in the cold. As long as it does not rain, I am good. I did turn down cookies, homemade cookies at that. People said they were very good.

I have been sneaking on the scale in the morning and I am real happy to see the numbers going down instead of up. I need to not let my mood be decided by the numbers or my actions. I wonder if my numbers had been not as good if I would have had eaten out or had some sushi. I need to keep that in check and not let the scale control me. I really need to go by how my clothes fit and I have a long, long way to go. The good news is that I have plenty of clothes to wear on the way down.p

So I am not sure if I am not hungry because I cheated with the sushi or that I just had enough to eat. I might end up eating some popcorn in a bit while I watch the second half of Thursday Night Football. I doubt if I will, but if I do I will update this.