Dissolution's Solution

[MixedGrains]

However, it was VERY nice to make humus this afternoon without having her bitch at me about the smell.

Heh! I'm very lucky to have a supportive spouse, but I still know that feeling. She's got a strong dislike for certain spice smells, especially frying onions and curries -- and so I have to limit when I cook those things. (It's not that she gets unpleasant about it, it's just that these smells dredge up old unpleasant memories for her and make her feel sick-ish.) She was away yesterday for an overnight, so I took the chance to cook a huge pot of curried lentils, potatoes, and peas that I'll be eating out of for the next week.

[carollynne]

wow and congrats to your making that long trip and back in one piece!
Amazing news about losing 4 more lbs too. You will do this I am certain.
Congrats again!

[Dissolution]

MixedGrains When I made cabbage soup, I cooked it outside on the side burner of the BBQ grill. The last time I made humus, the wife asked that I roast the garlic before adding it into the humus to mellow the smell out some. I didn't do that this time, but I did think the roasting of the garlic was kind of neat and might have future uses for other dishes.

carollynne You are right. I will do this. I know I have to stay on track, which isn't difficult. Getting my weight down to the "normal" range is a foregone conclusion in my mind. It's somewhat odd, I've never really felt this way before.

I got up early yesterday morning and wound up going to three of my client businesses. I wore my new pea coat (size XL, thank you very much). I'm not entirely sure why, maybe the new years resolution thing, but I had lots of people asking me if I had lost weight. Of course they all wanted to know how. Most would just reply with something along the lines of how much will power I had. I'm sure from the outside that is what it seems like, but honestly, IF I had willpower, I never would have been fat. So it is something different. I think it's closer to clarity and understanding.

All the people noticing and all the compliments were a pretty big ego boost, even had one lady tell me that "Women are going to start flinging themselves at you." When I told her that was what my wife was worried about, she said "Well, she's probably right." Interesting....I think Norm has some business cards printed up explaining the "diet", I can see I may have to do that also. Not that anyone will do it, but it will make them happy to have something in their hand.

One of my male cousins has started the "Primal Blueprint" paleo diet. Just got his caveman vitamins and supplements int he mail. Really? Is this a joke? I can understand the appeal of paleo (if you don't think all animal products are essentially poison), but doesn't the logic COMPLETELY fail if you have to take supplements and vitamins? Here eat like the cavemen did tens of thousands of years ago, oh and take these vitamins and drink this powder mix. Seems almost like a deliberate hoax.

You know, I should do that. I could create "Super Plant Protein Diet Maximum Weight-loss Powder" (I'd use powdered soy milk) Drink 1 cup of the magic powder and only eat plants and you will lose weight. I'm certain that a fair amount of the people that ask me about my "diet" would be happier to hear about some magic powder, than to hear I just only eat whole plants.

I ate a LOT yesterday. I took #3 son to golden corral for lunch. I ate cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, lima beans, black eyed peas, corn, rice all mixed together and topped with salsa. It was fun. I picked up some broccoli on the way home (on sale for $1.69/pound) and ate that for dinner along with my kale-humus-mustard-salsa wrap and a large bowl of my cabbage soup. not sure why I ate so much, going to assume that maybe I was deficient in some nutrient or something from the trip. I just went with it, almost felt like bindgeing, but I never had that "gross" feeling afterwards. Man I love this way of eating. I was eating that buffet concoction, #3 son seemed to be staring at my plate in horror while I was thinking how nasty the pizza he was eating looked. It was a fun day.

Off to the co-op grocery store....

[fulenn]

We all eat hummus here, but one daughter just LOVES it. I'm going to try it with the roasted garlic and see what she thinks. But I never thought hummus had much of an odor and we use a TON of fresh garlic in ours. Do you think it does?

I think you're right about the magic powder. It makes it easier for people to relate to us if it wasn't really us that lost the weight, but a magic powder or whatever that did it for us.

I really hope that women do not throw themselves at you. How tacky! We are a species who take great delight in healthy attractive looks.

Have a great day,
Fulenn

[Dissolution]

fulenn I personally don't think humus has that much of an odor, but I'm probably a little sensitive to it, because the wife is so hyper-sensitive to the smell. I think my wife has always had a psycho-semantic response to odor of foods she doesn't like. She has always disliked most pizza, and it used to be one of my favorite foods, so to her, pizza made my breath stink, unless I ate the ONLY pizza she would eat, frozen Tombstone pizza. She puts garlic in her home made spaghetti sauce, and has no reaction to it, so I don't think it's really the garlic or even actual smells. It's all in her mind.

Take the Tombstone pizza, where is the company located? Her home state of Wisconsin. Coincidence? Maybe, but she'll go to a local bar near her childhood home and eat cheese burgers. She never eats burgers when she's not in WI.

That's essentially what the big blow-up at Christmas was about, she said I ruined the "smell" of Christmas.

I went to the Co-op / organic grocery store yesterday morning. Not too expensive, nice selection, even of the local organic produce. The bulk dry foods section was very nice too, lots of stuff I'd never seen before. Let's see, what did I buy?

Short grain brown rice
Sweet brown rice
Kale
Mandarin oranges
Apples
Bananas
Kiwis
Sweet white turnips
Date sugar
Golden flaxseed meal
McDougall noodle cups
and a Vegan chocolate chip cookie from the bakery. (not on plan, but fun)

I haven't really thought that much about organic food. Probably because I just have so many other food issues, that I have been working on. Before I started this WOE, it seemed silly to worry about pesticides on the 1 apple a month I might eat, while I'm eating daily from fast food restaurants. I also used to hold a slight moral opinion against organics, because organic food typically yields less food per acre than conventional crops. Since learning that the food we use to feed our cows would easily end world hunger, I no longer hold that opinion of organic farming.

So far everything I bought at the co-op has been excellent, or even superior. The kale is especially good. I'm sure I will return. I'm not sure about taking the wife there. Organic food makes her angry. Of course what doesn't these days.

The wife is heading for disaster. When I arrived in WI a week ago, she told me she had not had a bm in 4 days. When I just spoke to her on the phone, she complained that her kidneys were causing her a lot of pain. We're going to have to have a serious talk when she gets back. If she wants to be mean and nasty to me, that's fine I can take it. I've been dealing with it for 3 months now, and I'll keep doing what I'm doing regardless of her opinion. I'm started to get pissed off about how she is treating herself.

[Katydid]

You know, I should do that. I could create "Super Plant Protein Diet Maximum Weight-loss Powder" (I'd use powdered soy milk) Drink 1 cup of the magic powder and only eat plants and you will lose weight. I'm certain that a fair amount of the people that ask me about my "diet" would be happier to hear about some magic powder, than to hear I just only eat whole plants.

Too late. It's called VEGA and the Thrive Diet
Kate

[Dissolution]

Katydid What a strange coincidence, I ended up with a brochure from Vega in my bag from the co-op grocery store. I hadn't even glanced at it until I read your post. My #1 son works out all the time and takes whey protein supplements, maybe I can get him to change over.

Yesterday I decided that since #3 son is in the basement almost constantly (his computer is broken), and I still haven't moved the treadmill somewhere, I decided to go walk outside. I know radical right?

Well, I do live on the side of a mountain. The roads are narrow, many are gravel at best, and of course no sidewalks. I set out using a little android program called iMapMyRun, it uses GPS to plot and track your course. I was planning on going 2 miles, but quickly decided that gong 1 mile on a treadmill is much different that going 1 mile in my neighborhood. So I stopped after 1 mile. I did go back out later in the afternoon and walked my second mile. Both times I jogged a little bit, but just all the uphill walking had my angina acting up a bit.

I guess I have been fighting a cold even since being in WI. I had thought it was a reaction to the high amount of cigarette smoke I was exposed to. I've been fighting a stuffy nose for about a week, then this morning I woke up with a sore throat. Decided to stay home and not infect other people. Not sure what it's going to do yet.
Normally for me, sore throat precedes the cold moving into my lungs by 6 to 12 hours, but nothing so far. Maybe it's super vegan powers?

The wife bought her trip back home ticket today. In my mind I keep thinking that things will get better after she's back home. You know absence makes the heart grow fonder. But then I give myself a reality check and it makes me sad. I just can't help but hope that maybe the death of her mother and the new year will make her decide to do SOMETHING about her health.

My wife has been out of town for 2 weeks now. I was with her in WI for 3 days, but we didn't share a bed or spend much time together. Not sure if I mentioned it, but smoking was only allowed in the basement of the house we were staying or outside (it was 4ºF). There were 10 smokers staying in the house, and it seemed like half of them were smoking at any one time. She complained that I didn't spend any time with her while my first night there, I explained that I just couldn't handle all the smoke. Heck, the other smokers were complaining about how bad it was down there. Anyways my point was that we really haven't been together for 2 weeks, will be three by the time she gets back.

I miss her, but I'm afraid that when she does get back, I'm going to wish she was gone again. It's just been SO nice, cooking without the stress of waiting for her to get angry or make a nasty comment or start a fight. Heh, just had a thought. I wonder how furious she would be if I showed her my journal. I've never been good at communicating my emotions to her, she'd probably never speak to me again. Yeah, let's put that thought out of my mind, I haven't exactly been kind to her in this journal.

Still, I must put my health first. I think part of the problem with me joining a gym without her is how jealous and suspicious she is. So the possible solutions are; we both join a gym with a pool (for her) which there is a gym like that at the local college, it will cost $90-$120 a month for the both of us. Or I join Golds Gym and go with #1 son. The only problem with the first option is that if she doesn't want to go to the gym, I wouldn't be able to go either, unless I feel like having a huge fight with her.

Maybe I need to tell her that I will pick my health over my marriage.

[toadfood]

It seems to me that your wife can have a husband who eats differently from her and sometimes goes places (like the gym) without her, or she can have a dead husband. Which would she prefer?

You know, if you were the woman and she were the man in this relationship, it would be obvious to everyone that you are living with an abusive spouse. The emotional blackmail, the crazy jealousy, the efforts to keep you sick -- it's abuse.

[AlwaysAgnes]

If you have a YMCA, they usually have a pool, different sorts of weights and exercise equipment, plus various classes (yoga, judo, aerobics). They have individual and family memberships.

Going to the gym with your son would probably be fun for you, too. Would your wife be jealous? It seems she has a lot of "stuff" to work through. (Some of her stuff is probably exacerbated by her own medical conditions. They can change mood and behavior.) It's difficult, but for your own sanity and peace of mind, you have to find a way to disconnect your emotions/reactions from her "stuff." Take back your power. That doesn't mean you don't care, does it? Sometimes I think too much. Really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTFDfR47 ... re=related

I'm gonna go stick that link in the addiction folder in lounge.

[Adrienne]

You have been rather candid throughout your entire journal in regards to your interactions with your wife. I would often read your entries and wonder how she would react if she accidentally stumbled upon it. It sounds though like you already know what you have to do: tell your wife what you are and are not willing to put up with, that your health comes before your marriage (as Toadfood implied, there is not marriage if you are not alive) and be as honest and straightforward with her as you are with all of us.

Good luck.

[Debbie]

I have to second Adrienne and Toadfood. And also say, not knowing you or your wife, I have never read anything that impied you were being unkind about your wife that I can recall. You have been candid, but you havent bashed her, called her names or belittled her. You have been honest in how you feel about the situation and your love for her comes through all that.

I often think "Its just food". And for the most part it is. She feels threatened by some aspect of what your doing with it and that is sad cause you are getting healthy. Keep up the great work!!

[carollynne]

I keep wondering if it is all about insecurity people feel as things change, which they must, or the consequences can be so dire, especially in our health!!
Your wife will come around or she won't you can not make her, and I hope she does at least be happy for you to be getting healthier all the time.
good luck!! Although you do not seem to need any... You will be well, and she can be proud of you for saving your self from what she will be no doubt facing in the diabetes future...
Hey have a great day!

[Dissolution]

Thanks everybody for your kind words and support. Going to try being less whiny in the future.

I think maybe I've been enjoying cooking a little too much these past few days. Weight has been hovering above my 242 mark. Sometimes I forget that I'm supposed to be losing weight and just enjoy the hell out of eating healthy foods. So I tried to remember yesterday, that I am indeed "dieting".

The ski trip is coming up in 35 days. I need to lose 22 pounds to achieve my goal of hitting 220 and going skiing. Might not be doable, but I must admit that my exercise regimen has been pretty sporadic. So maybe if I stick to the exercise I can do it, either way if I plan on skiing, I should at least get into better shape.

I've still got this stuffy nose thing going on. Feels like I have a cold, but it's only mildly annoying. I have chosen not to go for morning walks outside until I feel this virus has been defeated.

Lately, when I see pictures of myself I seem to evaluate them based on how well they will work as a "before" picture. I came across one this week that I had almost forgotten about. It was taken last spring. The wife and I went to a famous deli that we had seen on "Man vs. Food". This place sold a 6 pound milk shake. So here I was, 6 months past my last heart attack, and I'm drinking a 6 pound milk shake?!?! I thought I would share that picture with you guys. BTW I was only able to drink 5 pounds of it.



Here's a picture #4 son took before we headed out to the funeral last week.



Not a great selection of "before" and "during" pictures, but I like to think of it as kind of a teaser. I've got pictures where I look a LOT fatter than in the milkshake picture. In my funeral picture I'm wearing a top coat over a suit coat, so that adds a bit of bulk, plus it's all black, and we all know how well black makes us look slimmer.

Friday I have been invited to go out to dinner with my mother, sister and BIL. They are regulars at one of the best restaurants in the area. I've been there many times and have always loved the place. The restaurant also has a vegetarian menu available. I'll have to see what that looks like, but even if's I can't find anything low-fat/vegan, this is the kind of place where we could call the chef to the table and ask him to prepare something special, and he would most likely love the challenge.

[Broadbean]

While it's hard to see your size in either picture, you certainly look younger in the second! Congratulations!

[nicoles]

While it's hard to see your size in either picture, you certainly look younger in the second! Congratulations!

I agree - at first I thought the second picture was OF son #4, instead of TAKEN by son #4.

Congratulations and keep on rockin'!

{BTW - that milkshakes is CRAZY.}