Birdy Takes Flight

[raven]

Hi Birdy,
It would be great to live with McDougallers, it's hard to live in a world where people think you're crazy, but think of all the people we influence to eat better, some of whom we never actually realize we've had an effect on!
Raven

[Birdy]

Well, I keep having trouble writing long posts and then somehow hitting a key that deletes everything! I'll try hard not to do that tonight.

I'm so fed up with myself. I'm about ready to throw in the towel with journaling. When I started this journal, I expected it might help me with my weight loss goals. But no, it hasn't helped much because I've only lost 7 or 8 pounds. While I'm glad at least that I've lost that much, I'm discouraged with myself because I just can't stick to this diet (or any diet for that matter). Trying to follow someone's diet just makes me crazy. I actually end up eating more because I'm so dang focused on food. So I'm just at my whit's end. Maybe I should just give up and accept the fact that I've been thirty pounds, give or take, overweight for 12 or 13 years and, at 60 years old, I'm not going to look that much better or live that much longer no matter what I weigh. I do eat healthy food and I'm grateful for it. I do eat mostly vegetarian. And I do exercise, even if it's "not enough." I'm just tired of always feeling like a failure. Something just doesn't add up about this. Yeah, I eat too many calories from fat and sugar and especially from bread and pasta, both of which I love. No I don't want to have health problems, but yes, my lab values are less than ideal, considerably less. I'm not really sure what the problem is, why I just don't care enough to change. But there you have it. So if you don't hear from me on this journal very often anymore, it's just because I feel like a fake want-a-be McDougaller, not a real one. All of you who are following this plan have my utmost admiration and respect, and I wish you all the very best. I'll continue to visit the discussion board often and to post, but I'm just not going to pretend I'm one of you anymore! Ciao.....

[bunsofaluminum]

awww, don't be too hard on yourself (((HUG))) It helps me a lot not to think of this as a diet. Look at it as eating healthy, whole vegetarian foods, low fat, no animal protein. It's yours, not Dr McD's (he would NOT approve the occasional fistful of cashews I "nibble") ...but then again, a fistful of cashews doesn't throw me completely off the wagon. And I never did give up popcorn. Popped in coconut oil. Every couple of months, is all, but it's a treat that helps me stay compliant 99% of the time, so...

When you eat off plan, just get up and dust yourself off. Start at the next meal, to be back on track, and put the off plan stuff behind you.

Hum, maybe read a star McDougaller to get motivated anew...

you can do it. Don't let it get you down.

[raven]

Hi Birdy. For some of us, it is very hard to stick to!! For me, it took 20 years of on again, off again, convinced by my doctor that i would die of a heart attack if i didn't eat meat, felt horrible, back to McDougall... ate Mcdougall with butter, ate McDougall enough to get lactose intolerant, took lactaide so i could eat milk chocolate and on and on... but i decided when my doctor (a different doctor) put me on blood pressure medication and told me never to eat carbohydrates again, especially potatoes, and even carrots... that there was nobody sensible except McDougall, so even though i didn't like most of the food, i was going to follow that plan and be healthy, or die trying.

I came here, where i felt completely alone and the only one like me here, and i just plunged in and started writing, and pretty soon i saw that journals helped people, so i started a journal, and after 5 weeks of MWL, something clicked and i was startled to find out that after 20 years of not liking the food, 5 weeks of eating only MWL, and i liked the food...looked forward to it... and for the most part, stopped obsessing about what i couldn't eat (i still have moments...)

You may be different, and you may feel differently tomorrow, but if you decide, now or later, to give it one more try... come back. We are all different here, and the only thing we all share is that we believe, or want to believe, that this is the best way to eat for health and well-being, and incidentally, best for the animals.

Feel free to PM me.

I've enjoyed getting to know you.
Raven

[Mrs. Doodlepunk]

Hey Birdy - what Raven said is so eloquent, there isn't anything else to add.

Be stubborn and keep trying, it will work.

[Birdy]

I need to change the name of my journal to "Birdy Crash Lands!"
Buns thanks for the hug. Raven, wow, look what your 20 years of persistance resulted in - your weight loss and regained health! I've enjoyed getting to know you and many other people on this board as well. So, okay, Mrs. Doodlepunk, I'll follow your good advice and be stubborn.

I've been thinking lately about how we do the same things and expect different results. Also, thinking about not "arguing with reality," as the teacher Byron Katie calls it. Herein is one of the sources of failure for many people trying to lose weight, I think. We get so focused on wishful thinking, as in "I wish I weighed ###," or "I wish I looked like so and so," or "I wish I could eat anything I want and be thin/healthy/fit." Perhaps what would be more helpful in our efforts to lose weight or lower cholesterol or exercise regularly is to really own what/who we are in every present moment and to not spin off into what might be "if only." That's the kind of discouragement I've been indulging in.

And I really appreciate the encouragement.

P.S. Where's Anna Green?

[raven]

Hi Birdy, Yay! I'm so glad to see you.

"Arguing with reality..." That's so true. In my 11 months of reading journals here, i now get really excited when i see people reporting everything exactly that they eat. That seems to be the corner for so many of us that we turn and once we get a grasp on exactly what we are eating, somehow it becomes much more easy to change it. My path was to change bit by bit, but at this point, i have seen some people just turn to MWL or MM and stick to it.

Let us walk side by side towards better health and feeling that we look and feel the way we were meant to!
Raven

[sksamboots]

Hey Birdy ,

Great to see you and so glad you decided to stay. I have to agree with others that being here for support is a great resource. I came here many times when I was still eating SAD or VAD food. I did learn that the more I came and wrote in my journal, the more accountable I became. I also learned that we all have to find our own paths and you don't have to come here with your head heald down because you ate something, you don't even have to post it or tell us. It's your choice, no guilt trip here. Everyone's journal will be different. I truly believe that. It took me over 1 1/2 years to fully transition in from an over 20 years SAD diet and at that I still had some VAD food. I'll never 100% give up VAD food. I just won't but I also don't eat it everyday. For the most part, I stick to the MM plan but that's what works for me. Some people do the regular Mcdougall program and some do MWL. We all have to find what works for us and while we do that we should support each other. I sure did miss ya, see how long winded I got??? Your a great part of this community. Hope you had a great day Birdy

PS: Anna Green is around. She comes in about four times a month. She's very busy, check out her journal. She's a hoot.

[Anna Green]

I'll tell you where Anna Green is- looking for you! I just came to see how you are doing and saw you looking for me. How nice. I have been very busy. I read back a bit of your journal and I thought about my conversation in my head last night with myself. I wanted to come home and go comatose on the couch but I was feeling guilty because the kitchen is disgusting and I had no clean underwear for the morning. So all the feelings of shame were bathing me and then I thought, "enough!" I don't have to do crap other than clean a pair of draaaws. After I gave myself permission to just be tired and human with no shame, I woke up from the coma a few minutes here and there to wash a load of clothes and do a few things. I got motivated after I got rid of the fight in my head that deenergizes me. Dang, I'm a good person and the constant crazies in my head telling me I'm f-ed up do nothing to change my behavior, and in fact they make it worse. When I am pleased w/ myself- and if I look there is always something I do right- I wind up doing more of the things I think are important.

You know I just really got the vegan thing down again (years ago I did it strictly for about a year and a half). I am very pleased with myself these days when I am very stressed and I eat pizza (vegan) instead of poboys (shrimp, oyster, crawfish, soft shell crab, french fry) , tofu instead of tasso, grits and not gumbo.... Not that I'm not McDougalling much of the time because I am. You know however though, that we don't focus on the many meals we do right, that we aren't gaining weight, etc. I have a feeling if I did focus on those things that behavior would increase.

So how about this. Dub yourself and me too (last night was white bread vegan pizza that I am sure had oil) the "remedial McDougallers", the "Pee Wee McDougallers" (as in pee wee football), or just the "brats." Yah, that's the ticket, we'll be the brats. Oh and every time we eat healthy we want special kudos and admiration because we are special.

So hats off to you Birdy every time you eat mango, or broccoli or potatoes and salsa or brown rice and veggie curry or oats and blueberries, or or oil free roasted red peppers and garlic on a whole wheat crust with fresh tomatoes and basil...

(I'm going to cook this weekend so I've been fantasizing about the menu)

I'll stop. I hope to see you some more.

[Mrs. Doodlepunk]

Wow, Anna, that's the best pep talk I've read in a long time. Nice to read you again!

[Birdy]

sksamboots, Raven and Anna thank you for checking up on me. Anna I agree with Mrs. Doodlepunk that yours was a great pep talk. I do tend to "beat myself up," but I'd never think that way about other people's efforts to succeed.

I just finished listening to an hour long talk by Caldwell Esselstyn on the VegSource website and was amazed by how much reversal of disease you get by following a strict low fat vegan diet. Check it out if you have an hour to view the video. I had an hour this afternoon because I had surgery early this morning to remove the skin cancer on my chin. The surgeon got it all on the first excision. They did some reconstructive surgery and I have 18 stitches, but after a few months it will heal completely. So I'm lounging happily in my PJs under the pain killing effects of Vicadin (sp?) today and tomorrow, and have lots of time to be quiet (can't talk intelligibly and apparently can't spell either). I'm SO glad to have the surgery behind me and feel like a bit of a whimp compared to people who I know have gone through much worse. As it turns out, low fat diets are also preventative for skin cancer so I have even more motivation to McDougall.

On a happier note, last week we were in the Santa Rosa area for a family wedding on my husband's side. Santa Rosa is so nice. We'd never been there and both DH and I were impressed with the city and surrounding areas. Very beautiful. When we were at the airport, I half expected to see the McDougalls! The wine country nearby is lovely. This area was once the home of Charles Schultz (creator of the Peanuts cartoons) and of the extraordinarily handsome Jack London.

I am glad to be a part of this wonderful board and am recommitting to the McDougall Plan. I think posting what I'm eating, though it will bore you & me to tears, is probably a good idea. In Dr. Esselstyn's aforementioned talk, he cited research showing that it takes 90 days of eating very low fat (10-11%) to lose the craving for fat. So that would be from now to mid-August. I'm ready to change!

Thank you dear McDougall friends for all your kind words.

[sksamboots]

Yay---bring on the boring stuff Glad your surgery went well

[Anna Green]

You are so right on and I am glad to hear you going for it- health that is. Way to go! I'm coming with you.

[Birdy]

Not feeling so great today. But was at work this morning and am home for the afternoon. I've lost 3 pounds in 3 days, but only because I can only eat mushy stuff. My diet has consisted of mashed bananas, applesauce, a rice and split mung dahl (I did use some oil in the recipe), and a homemade "cream" of broccoli soup made with soymilk. It all tastes good. More soon.

[raven]

Hi Birdy. You've been through a big stress, physically and emotionally with the surgery, and coming back on plan... it takes time to heal. Rest, rest.

I live for food, and i actually read every word of what people eat, so you probably won't see me bored.

Take care.
Raven