FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

[to_our_health]

Kelly,
I don't post much anymore but I read a lot here and I just had to let you know how much I admire your willingness to share all, your ability to dig deep to get to the roots and your talent for writing about it.

We're Monty Python fans in this household and have enjoyed the bit you posted...I was chuckling as I was reading it and my DH asked what was going on so I told him you had transcribed that scene...I read it aloud to him and could barely finish we were laughing so hard. Which reminded me how good it is to laugh (something that seems increasingly hard to do these days with all the negativity that you mentioned). So I'm going to go back to the Python well for more of that laughter..thanks!

Sally

[kalehi]

Hi kk,

I thank you very much for your inspirational journal.

I don't post here very much, but I read a lot. Every time I read your journal I think, "Me too, that is exactly how I feel!".

Thank you very much for your honesty, and for the clarity that you bring.

Respectfully,
Lynn

[kkrichar]

Thank you Sally and Lynn. It really helps me to know other people can relate to my experience.

Day 21

I feel great. Friday I had a minor battle over a tempeh burrito when I was out running an errand around lunch time. But, I talked myself out of it. I went back to the office and ate what I brought. No problems over the weekend.

I'm excited to have a treadmill again. Looking forward to a run tonight.

I guess I don't really have a lot to say. I think I'll poke my nose in a few journals.

Oh, one quick thing, John Larson recommended doing sit-ups with a pillow behind my back until I'm strong enough to do real sit-ups. That worked great! I could do 20 sit-ups that way. I could feel the burn in my abs so I know I'm doing something. I have hope I may be able to do a real sit-up one day.

Breakfast: oatmeal with blueberry and banana
Lunch: Cheesy potato soup from Forks Over Knives Cookbook
Snack: Clementines
Dinner: Jeff's burger and maybe some banana ice cream

[JohnLarson]

I am glad you are doing the pillow sit-ups. I am doing them also. I tried to do one without a pillow, still stuck. I am getting lots of use out of my treadmill, the incline function really gets me sweating. I go from 0 incline, then to 5, then to 10 then back to 0 over and over.

I think you have a great attitude. Knowing what we want and staying focused on those things is very helpful. Just like recovery, this WOE works for those that want it, not those that need it.

[mtns]

Sounds like you are doing great with your workouts and your food looks great as well.
Kathy

[bunsofaluminum]

Pillow situps...what a great idea...my back feels better just thinking about it

the treadmill sounds great, too. Keep on moving! keep on eating!

[kkrichar]

Thanks Buns and Kathy!

Day 22.
I have completed 3 weeks on plan. I was reading Geo's journal recently and really loved how detailed his reports were. Such a great resource to go back to when you want to see the changes you've made. I decided to try to record a little more information so I have something to look back on too.

Re-Starting Weight (on 12.25.2012): 193.8
End of Week 1: 187.4 (down 6.4 pounds)
End of Week 2: 187.2 (down .2 pounds)
End of Week 3: 185.6 (down 1.6 pounds)
Total: down 8.2 pounds

I was reading a discussion regarding the interview Rip Esselstyn did with the Chicago Mayor and a Chicago fire fighter. Some people thought it does this WOE a disservice when it is presented as "all in" versus suggesting people transition. One point I thought was good (on the side of transitioning) was a hypothetical example. Say a 30 year old person transitions for 3 years and by age 33 they are full on McDougall. They have from age 33 to the day they die of healthy living. Isn't that better than a 30 year old person who tries to go 100% and fails and never tries again? Or the person who never tries because it sounds too hard? Yes, I would say in those two cases the 33 year old who is 100% is better off than the other two who never succeed.

Proponents of the other side of the argument, who I also think make a good point, argue that small changes produce small effects (and sometimes no effect) and this could be discouraging. All the big promises the diet made of weight loss and drops in cholesterol and blood pressure were false so why bother? Another possibility (and I believe this is true for me) is that small changes never produce future compliance. As with alcohol, my efforts to control my eating or to limit the intake of my favorite treats, did nothing but lead me down a path of self-destruction and poorer and poorer health. For every 1 person you find who simply phases out SAD foods (and those people are out there) I would bet there's at least 10 more caught in a cycle they absolutely can't break out of. They continue to think something is wrong with them because they can't eat in "moderation" like they're "supposed" to.

Personally, I think more people would benefit diving right in than would attempting to transition. I also think we don't need to worry about Americans doing something half-assed. Plenty of people will give this WOE a half-assed attempt even when told to do it 100%. I'm definitely in that group. Always looking for an easier, softer way. Always thinking I'm the exception. I don't need to be so "fanatical" about it. I can have a little-o-this and a little-o-that and still get all the results everyone else gets. Eventually, if you stick around long enough, you learn that 100% is the way to go.

Having said that, it appears from reading journals and star McDougaller stories, most of the successful McDougallers did transition over time to a degree. Many people jumped right in with the McDougall program but gradually phased out salt, salsa, soy sauce, ketchup, coffee and so on. Some people went from elaborate regular plan creations to very simple MWL meals. Some were heavier on the starches and portion sizes in the beginning and eventually upped their green and yellow veggie intake or filled up on smaller amounts of food. I haven't read many journals saying they went from SAD to plain brown rice and potatoes with 50% plain steamed green and yellow veggies. It's a process for everyone and we need to find what works for us.

Here's what I'm currently trying. I have a list of foods that I believe are 100% deal breakers. If I eat them I won't stop and the obsessive thoughts become unbearable. There are other things that aren't great for weight loss, unnecessary for health, but don't seem to trigger me (yet). My intention is to eventually ween myself off these non-essential items to allow my tastes to change over time. But, it'll be nice to have a record of the process to look back on.

Some of the things I've been using are condiments (ketchup, salsa, soy sauce, sweet chili sauce), salt, avocado and coffee. I've completely cut out Diet Coke. I've also cut out La Croix. Mainly because of the weird acid reflux incident but also cost, the environmental impact of the cans and the potential link between aluminum and Alzheimer's. Other than coffee and herbal tea I drink water. I started bringing a refillable water bottle to work rather than using bottled water purchased from the store.

Yesterday's Food
Breakfast: 3/4 c. dry oatmeal cooked with 1 banana and blueberries (didn't measure ~ 1/2 c), 2 cups of coffee
Lunch: 2 bowls of Cheesy Potato Soup (from FOK cookbook) with salt and pepper added in bowl
Snack: Clementines ~ 6, 1 cup herbal tea
Dinner: 3 spring rolls (spinach, cucumber, cabbage, mint, basil, avocado) with sweet chili dipping sauce. 1 Jeff's basic burger patty (with ketchup and mustard) no bun.

I'm definitely heavy on the fruit and light on the green and yellow veggies. Work to be done for sure but I feel good. Mostly craving free. I'm down to about 1 mental battle per week. So far they have been memory driven. Not sure how to say it. I wanted a burrito last Friday for lunch. For awhile I hadn't been bringing my food and, instead, going to the Co-op for burrito buffet Friday. I would put rice, beans, peppers, onions, mushrooms, tempeh and salsa on the burrito. I'm sure it had oil and the burrito is HUGE. Anyhoo, I happened to be near the Co-op around lunch on burrito buffet Friday and like Pavlov's dog instantly wanted the burrito. I hadn't been thinking of anything other than the food waiting for me back at the office prior to seeing the Co-op. I didn't stop. I went back to work and ate my prepared meal. Eventually, I won't remember burrito buffet Friday. That type of thing has happened about 3 times in the past 3 weeks. So, the more I resist the less often those situations will trigger memories.

Have a great day!

[~Beth~]

Day 22!
Great job
Keep it up


Interesting thoughts on jumping in 100% vs gradual transition.
I do find that once I make an exception the next few days I keep making more and more of them, which is how I completely got off the
plan several years ago.

Keeping a journal really helps, it keeps me accountable.
Also, continuing to read up on the new articles and watching the new videos that come out is helpful.

[kkrichar]

Day 23.

I think I'm tied with the longest number of consecutive days on plan. The last time I could feel a relapse coming for nearly a week prior to day 23. I was letting little things in that were suspect and the obsessive thoughts were back. So far no major battles in my head.

I've been eating those Cuties like it's the end of the world. The price just went up and I can't afford them anymore. I bought some tangelos. They're good but those Cuties really spoiled me with the ease of opening them and no seeds and yummy sweetness. Sigh. It's OK. I'll survive.

I forgot to mention yesterday that I ran on the new treadmill Monday night. I felt a little better than the week before. I ran 3 miles in 37:15. Aside from last week, I haven't run that slowly in a long time. I really hadn't expected to lose so much fitness in 2 weeks. I wonder if it's something else. I wonder if there's a difference in the measurement of speed on the treadmill versus my Garmin. Also, I've really focused on running 180 steps per minute. I stopped using my metronome on my outdoor runs because I was listening to music. Maybe my steps had slowed without realizing it. When you increase your steps per minute it switches the effort from your leg muscles to your lungs. In the long run it's better but in the short run it can make you feel really out of breath when running the same speeds as before. It's probably a combination of decreased mileage the 2 weeks prior to getting the treadmill and going back to using my metronome.

Regardless, I have set my baseline. I wanted to be able to run my first 5K of the year in under 33 minutes (3.1 miles). Not sure that will be possible now but we'll see. I'm not running all out on the treadmill like I would in a race. I'm trying to do things correctly this time around to avoid more injuries. There's a 5K near me in a couple weeks. It's called the Amana Freezer 5K. Brrrr. They give away bags of meat to all race finishers. Mmmm. I noticed on their website I can get a race t-shirt if I don't want the meat. I think I'll go for the t-shirt.

Yesterday's food:
Breakfast: 2 baked sweet potatoes with cinnamon
Lunch: taco salad (bag of lettuce, chopped tomatoes, 1 cup of McD Right Foods black bean soup, salsa and banana peppers)
Snack: small bowl of cheesy potato soup (FOK-CB)
Dinner: 3 spring rolls with avocado and sweet chili sauce and 1 basic burger with ketchup, mustard and dill pickles (no bun)
Snack: banana-strawberry ice cream

No exercise.

[kkrichar]

Day 24

I feel good today. Last night I ran 3 miles on the treadmill and felt a little stronger. I was up to 5.0 as my average pace. To clarify, I do a jog/walk. The first 3 minutes I walk. Then for 4 minutes I jog slowly. Then walk 1 minute. I continue the 4/1 pattern gradually increasing the speed as I warm up. The goal is to feel comfortable for the entire run. I'm not doing any speed work right now. I'm just trying to build a mileage base. Prior to the big snow before Christmas I was running between 3.5 to 6 miles each run and averaging about 5.4 mph. That means I was running at about 6.0 mph and walking at 3.5 mph. And I was running for 6 minutes/walking 1 minute. Now, anything above 5.5 mph during the run segments feels like I'm pushing it and I'm tired by the time I make it 3 miles. I keep reminding myself that before my 2-week running hiatus I was running regularly and gaining weight the entire time. This time I will be running regularly and losing weight so I should expect better results. I just have to be patient and rebuild my fitness.

It's supposed to be 47 degrees on Saturday so I intend to run outside! I don't want to lose my road legs!! Plus, I like the hills. I could add an incline when I run on the treadmill but it doesn't have a decline feature. So, I think I'll limit the incline for specific hill workouts. Someday, when I'm rolling in money I'll buy a super fancy treadmill with a decline and great TV screen with running routes from around the world. Of course, that will be right after I get back from the Costa Rica vacation. I swear to all things holy I will attend one of those Costa Rican adventure trips. It sounds soooo amazing.

Yesterday's food:
Breakfast: oatmeal with blue berries and banana
Snack: tangelo
Lunch: taco salad
Dinner: spring rolls with avocado and chili sauce and a basic burger with ketchup, mustard and dill pickles
Snack: small bowl of strawberry-banana ice cream

[kirstykay]

Hi Kelly,
How was your weekend? Did you get you outdoor run in? Hope all is well!
Kirsty

[mtns]

Your excercise looks great and so does your food. I like the idea of strawberry banana ice cream. I think I will try that, I usally do just banana ice cream or add some cocoa powder to it.
Kathy

[Anna Green]

I just bet you will do the Costa Rica trip! I'd love to as well.

Looking good!

[kirstykay]

Meeeee Tooooo! Let's all go together!!! Wouldn't that be fun?????

[kkrichar]

Hi Ladies! Thanks for stopping by. Wouldn't it be awesome to go on the Costa Rica trip together!!!!! It would be so much fun! One of my goals this year is to learn how to save money. Eating mostly MWL has really helped with the food budget. I eat a lot of rice and potatoes. It's so good and so cheap. There was a big sale on fresh blueberries. I eat them nearly every day in my breakfast oatmeal. Even frozen they're not cheap. So, I bought a bunch of them and put them in the freezer! I've never frozen anything I bought fresh before. This is my first experience and they taste great. That reminds me, speaking of cheap and tasting great, I buy my oatmeal and brown rice from the Amish grocery store. The oatmeal costs less than $5 and the bag is so big it looks like it's meant for a pet pony or something. I also buy gigantic bags of brown rice for under $5. I need to get better about using dried beans because I get those really cheap there too and all my spices! Most of my winter veggies are frozen. Lots of stirfry veggies. So, I splurge on fresh basil, mint, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and spinach for spring rolls and salads. I LOVE living like this.

Yesterday ended week 4 on McD. I lost 4 pounds. I'm back under the obese line. Whew. Thank you baby Jesus!! I feel so much better already.

I decided to do the U.S. Army Fitness thing like JohnLarson. I will copy his plan as well. Every day I will do sit-ups/push-ups making small improvements in proper form until I can do them correctly. Then I'll work on buidling up repititions. JohnLarson recommended using a pillow behind my back for sit-ups since I couldn't actually do a single proper sit-up. That made a huge difference. Last night, after doing 20 pillow sit-ups I actually did 1 proper sit-up!!! I couldn't believe it. I think I can do this. I'm really struggling with the arm placement for the push-ups. The way the instruction videos demonstrate the proper form is exceptionally difficult for me. They say it's more efficient and using more muscles which should make it easier but it's tough. This is doing a modified push-up on my knees. So, I have farther to go for a proper push-up than I originally thought. But, that's OK. It's all about testing my limits and seeing improvements over time. I don't actually have to pass this fitness test so it's just for me. You don't really think about how weak the muscles are in your body until you try something like this. I think weak core muscles are particially responsible for some of my running injuries. I've known for a long time I need to increase my core strength. So, this is nice way to make it fun.

I plan to make a potato soup of some kind. It's really cold here and I'm in the mood for something brothy. I went to a Thai restaurant with some friends yesterday. I ordered a noodle soup. I could see the tiny little oil slicks floating in the broth. I was so disappointed. I ate it but I won't order that again. I should have stuck with my usual: steamed brown rice with extra steamed veggies. Live and learn. I did find myself craving something dessert-like when I left the restaurant. I wasn't hungry it was just one of those trigger thoughts. I associate fat with more fat and sugar on top. That's the way my brain works.

I'm all stocked up on Cuties today and I'm making potato pizza for dinner tonight. I need to chop veggies for salad this week. I bought everything I need but then got lazy and didn't prep anything. I have some McDougall cups at the office for lunch. I made some SNAP this weekend. I ate some on Saturday and got really nauseaus. I think it was unrelated to the SNAP but now my brain won't let me eat it. I'll probably end up wasting a huge batch of it. I'm not right in the head.

Run scheduled for tonight. I still plan to run the Amana Freezer Run this Saturday but it is going to be FREEZING!!! Literally! The race doesn't start until 10am but the high for the day is predicted to be 28 F. So, it'll probably be in the teens when the race starts. Brrrrr..... I am such a baby when it comes to running in the cold. If none of my friends can join me I really can't see myself going. I'll guess it'll be a surprise for everyone whether I go or not.

I brought my laptop to work today. I plan to ask one of the IT guys to take a look at her and see if it's something easy to fix. For those of you IT people out there or spouses of IT people or friends with IT people, what do you/they prefer as gifts/thank yous/enticements for people who bring their home stuff to work and ask for favors? That must drive them crazy I'm sure.

Well, that's it for me today. I'm hanging in there and hope you are too!!! Have a great one!