Psoriatic Arthritis Journal - 2.5 year Update Page 63

[Lesliec1]

Underneath it all, I have been feeling like all this financial hardship is my "fault" because I am the one who got sick, so I don't buy new clothes, get haircuts or do anything treat-y for my self, but I encourage my husband to because he is making the money.

I have also been feeling like I am a valueless person, because I am having a hard time making consistent money of any substance, and that is stressful, of course, but also I have been very hard on myself for that.

I'm still not finished reading all your journal but goodness, we have a lot in common. The above could describe me! I have terrible guilt about not contributing much money. Plus I am an oil painter too (though I haven't yet read what medium you paint in). Is your work online anywhere?

Anyway, I'm still reading your journal. It's so fascinating.

[nicoles]

Wow, Leslie, that is pretty crazy, the things in common we have! I am sorry to hear that you feel that guilt, too. Guilt is kind of it's own tragedy, if you know what I mean.

I do paint in oils, but I also like watercolor and gouache. I tolerate painting in acrylics. How about you?

I don't have anything online right now; I took it down when my hands were really not functional lest I get the bad reputation as a flake if I could not produce like I wanted to. Still apprehensive about that, perhaps unnecessarily, so I have not put it back up. (So much fear, this AI disease brings!) Maybe I'll figure out how to do this whole picture thing and put some up here...

Speaking of oils, I had to change totally how I used the medium when I got sick. Could not handle the fumes of turpenoid or turpentine, and although I can paint in acrylics, it is kind of torture for mecompared to oils.

Then I found out about using M. Graham's Walnut Oil as a brush cleaning medium, and I also switched to using cold-pressed linseed oil and clove oil as paint mediums. Side benefit is that the paint dries even slower, making it more forgiving of adjustments, which is great now if I ever feel under the weather and can't work for a day.

Do you have anything online?

[nicoles]

Hi Amy

The site or my browser just ate my reply to you three times! Aaaah! It was long, but I lost it.

Anyway...THANKS! You are so sweet and made me feel much better. And you were not rambling at all, I read about your situation with interest. Going to go check out your journal now!

[nicoles]

Woke up at 4 am today, so many things on my mind. Worries, and phantoms...so I meditated.

And then I found this video. Or rather, my friend found it on FB.

I laughed and laughed. And laughed. Feeling much better now.

Also - some good news about the in-laws. They just came back from their most recent check up and both of them had lower blood pressure and lower cholesterol levels, which means they both had their medications reduced!

They grudgingly said thank you to my DH. Possible their faith in the diet is renewed, equally possible that they will become more complacent.("I'm better! I don't need as much medication! I can eat however I want!")

I suppose we shall see. In the meantime, I will practice abiding.

[Lesliec1]

Answers first- I paint in oils mostly. So luxurious but ugh, the fumes. I will check into those other things you mention. The only thing I don't do is watercolor. Always refused to master that. I like to overwork things too much.

I don't have anything online but I think I will have to figure out how to add pics to my journal. But for making money, this is my site. It's not very artistic and doesn't show my skills but I still enjoy it:

http://www.AnimalRightstuff.com

So can you paint now? One thing I'm confused about is how your pain is right now. You don't complain about yourself (which is awesome). But still I'd like to know if you want to share. If not, ignore the question.

I can't wait to see how your in-laws progress. I sympathize with them possibly getting complacent now that they are a bit better. That is my own demon for sure. I know that being a food addict is the worst! But I really hope they do well.

[nicoles]

Hey Leslie!

I know what you mean about oil paint and the fumes! Seriously, check out walnut oil - I can paint in the house, fumes are no problem. I wear rubber gloves, just in case, to avoid allowing the pigments to be absorbed into my skin, too.

You also have to wash your brushes with soap (Dawn is best - cuts through grease, after all!) and water right after cleaning them with walnut oil or else they will harden. And then after washing them with water, you can't use them with oils again until they dry. I have two sets of brushes for this reason.

The one thing I can no longer do is metal work. I used to do bronze casting and welded sculptures, but not even the most heavy-duty chemical masks stop me from having a terrible reaction to the burning metal fumes. Ah well.

You know I don't complain about the pain levels because they are almost nothing and I don't talk about how good I am doing because I am superstitious and don't want to jinx anything! I guess I should do an update. let's see....

Worst before McDougalling:

Terrible, just excrutiating pain in right wrist and hands, feet, ankles, knees and lower back. Oh yes, and my neck. Just awful. Could not move, dress myself etc. etc. Crying-in-bed kind of pain, and I am not like that at all. You can bet I complained non-stop then! Also a feeling of all the skin in my body burning, like a the way jalapenos burn your mouth, but all over the body instead. It was weird. Rheumy was baffled.

After going vegan, and cutting out coffee and alcohol but not McDougall - much better, but still pain and stiffness in all of the joints/areas mentioned. Could function, but not anywhere near a normal level. very tired all the time too. Saw improvements, though, so it gave me some hope.

Initially after starting McDougalling - pain levels and stiffness reduced but not gone. Would wax and wane, and sometimes be almost as bad as the worst right before or during my period. Also - lifelong psoriasis disappeared. Even greater improvements gave me greater hope.

This lasted for about 8 months, then I got lazy, fell off wagon a bit and had a terrible flare up that was really bad for 2-3 weeks, then sort of was around, waxing and waning for 3 months. During this time I started some newer stuff, like really concentrating on high-nutrient density foods, veggie juicing, green smoothies, and daily probiotic. Also started taking Vitamin D3 since my levels were veeeerrry low and I get sun all the time in Los Angeles. (I also take B12.)

After this cleared up I felt way better than I had on my best days all throughout the first 10 months of McDougalling. Then started about 6 months of getting better and better slowly, punctuated only by a 6-week period of a very stiff neck, which may have been the arthritis, or may have been me being a lazy-*ss with posture and then falling asleep in a neck stretch in a cold room. Since I don't take painkillers for the sake of my gut, I dunno if I could have knocked it out with Naproxen Sodium or something.

After that went away, sometime in May/June 2012, I'd say, I have been pretty much...dare I say....normal since!

I think that any pains I have now are a result of bad posture habits, which I am working on. For example, if I sit at the PC all day with a slouch, my back might hurt and I'll feel stiff...like the rest of the population.

I might get a bit more tired when I overdo it now compared to before I got sick, but then again, I don't do caffeine now and I sure did a lot before, so hard to know. I also don't push myself too hard, to maintain my feeling good. If I don't sleep, I'll have more discomfort, but not terrible. Perhaps normal? Probably a little worse than a normal person. But not bad at all.

I did have a return of old pains a couple of weeks ago after trying out chia seeds...guess I can cross those off the "safe" list...just as well, those suckers are expensive, and flax is fine with me. Took me about one day to feel better after not eating the chia.

So I guess it would be hard to complain at this point. Especially since I know how awful it could be! I can complain about missing foods, though. I do that plenty lately, just not in this journal. Mostly to the Huzz. You can bet he loves it

[Lesliec1]

Thanks for taking the time to write all that. Now I can get your history straight and refer back to it when I wonder about time frames!

[moonwatcher]

Dear Nicoles,

Finally getting around to catching up a bit. I am real sorry to hear about the in-laws. But as you say, trying to get them to eat right might not be the best use of your energy. Take gentle care of you. I was really happy to see you and Leslie chatting it up about painting and all you have in common. That made me smile all the way to bed the other night.

So much is happening at this end of the line that I am a bit on overwhelm as I get ready for this new phase of my life. But know you are always in my heart, even if I don't keep up, and please take gentle care. You are one of my dear ones here.

moonwatcher

ps: Oh, the Knights of Columbus and all the liquor, Did that bring back family memories.

[nicoles]

Leslie - you are very welcome! Hope it helps with the patience aspect. That part is really difficult, I know.

[nicoles]

Hi Moonwatcher Feels like I was just talking to you...over in your journal!

Thank you! I am very committed to taking gentle care of me, and it helps to have a couple of people over in my corner on that - like you!

Glad you got a kick out of the painting-bonding, too. I have to say, it is great to talk about it here! I can only talk about food, diet, health and illness for so long...

Please take gentle care of yourself as well. You are embarking on something new and exciting, and all the changing, adapting, learning, plus the emotions that go along with a change like this, are real energy expenditures! And we all here need to be sure to use our energies wisely.

I am glad to be in your heart, and know that you are in mine as well. I'll be here and welcoming you whenever you have time to catch up.

Nicole

( Yes, the Knights of Columbus...feels like such a throwback, no? Like is there a Grand Poobah or whatever? It gives FIL such a good community in so many ways, though, except the one drinking thing.)

[moonwatcher]

Faithful Grand Navigator, I believe it is. My Dad was a Past Faithful Grand Navigator. Talk about titles!! A mouthful, for sure. They were there at my Dad's funeral, honoring, and made it special in a ceremonial way, up and including the undertaker who arranged everything.

Thanks so much for all the great heartfelt words here, and over in my journal.

moonatcher

[nicoles]

Faithful Grand Navigator You just have to love it! I feel like I am in an episode of The Flintstones when I am around the in-laws during a KoC meeting

I am glad they were so supportive during your Father's funeral, Moonwatcher. They are a real community of support, that is for sure. Even if they all have bright red noses...

And you are most welcome.

What to do When Your Neighbors Wake You Up with Techno Music Plus Whispering-at-a-Scream-Level Right Outside Your Bedroom Window at 3 am

Clean the Bathroom

Clean the Living Room

Make a Shopping List

Go Online and Read About Health (Thanks Didi)

Feel Self-Righteous About Diet

Try Not to feel Glad That Your Neighbors Don't Eat Well

Fail at Above

Read About Exercise and Health

Feel Bad About Sitting at Computer Writing This Post

...

Forgive Self

[moonwatcher]

Awh, gee, nicoles, I loved this list!! But sorry you had to be up with all THAT. Some of it made me laugh out loud, and then "forgive self" just put such a powerful spin on the whole experience. A kind of "found" poetry in your list.

And oh I laughed yet again at your response about K of C Grand Faithful Navigators, et al. They are a weird bunch, no way around it. I have to curtail my inner soap box speech giver wanting to expound, "Don't you know Columbus was a MURDERER??!!! Just read the first chapter of Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States!!" But of course they haven't and of course I wouldn't. At least not out loud. Okay. We're off food topic here, but oh, it's nice to connect with someone who shares the same mix of bizarre and kindly experiences toward the "Knights."

xo

moonwatcher

[Lesliec1]

Is that strange that your rheumy was baffled by your condition back then? (I only know about PSA from the Enbrel ad.) What is the test for PSA?

Now that you're feeling mostly nomal-ish, do you focus less on your health and more on other things? Or not yet? Seems like you/we will always have a lot of work to do testing foods.

One thing I don't really understand is that when I read people's stories, it seems like as well as eating on plan, nearly everyone who has a similar disease ALSO ends up having to do an elim. diet eventually. But maybe I'm not seeing this correctly because if this ere true then Dr. McD would be more focused on that (like Neal Barnard is.)

[nicoles]

Hey Moonwatcher - Aw, it's no so bad getting up that early. And when they are that loud, I just put in some heavy-duty earplugs so I can only feel the music in my sternum, not hear it Oh, I guess that is still pretty loud.

Anyway, my kitchen and bathroom are clean, I did food shopping for the week and my chores are done before noon on a Saturday. Not too shabby.

Yep, we aren't going to change the Knights' mind about their...sire?...Columbus. I mean, at least 'round my way, they still live in a world where it is perfectly acceptable to call any woman "Honey," and can be pleasantly surprised by the skill level of a "Lady Dentist" they went to for a filling.

XOXOXOXO

Nicolio-no-Olio