by kkrichar » Sat Apr 20, 2013 9:57 am
I was thinking today about how to stop a slide. So often, once the struggle begins, it progresses slowly or sometimes quickly but it always ends the same. One minute I'm making an exception that I think will help me stay on plan and the next I'm elbow deep in a plate of meatloaf. I've never stopped it midway....before now.
I'm not going back to the way things were. This emotional slide I'm on is going to stop and it's stopping today. So, how do I do it? I was reminded of a hot yoga class I used to take. I love hot yoga. I wish I could afford to go back. Anyway, something the instructor used to say is if you start to lose your balance sometimes it's best to just get out of the pose completely and start over. Trying to reestablish stability in the middle of the pose can make things worse. If you keep struggling to regain control rather than simply starting over you can end up ass over tea kettle on the floor. I think one reason for this may be because you've done something during the transitions that isn't right and you can't make it right with obstinance.
Here's an example of a pose I constantly had to let go and start over. You start with both feet planted firmly on the ground. Next, you lift one knee until your upper leg is parallel to the ground and your knee is bent at a 90 degree angle. Next, you bend over wrapping your hands around your lifted foot. Finally, you straighten your lifted leg so your whole leg is now waist-high and parallel to the floor with your hands still wrapped around your foot and your head is close to your knee. At each stage you need to achieve solid balance before moving to the next one. There are some days when you should just stay in an earlier pose. Sometimes your flexibility isn't ready for the next pose. Sometimes your balance isn't as good. Sometimes you have difficulty acclimating to the heat. None of this is a problem and it won't limit the benefits you get from the workout. The problem comes when you try to rush the process or move beyond where you should be that day.
Regardless of how you got off-balance, you can't solve the problem by staying in a pose you shouldn't be in. You've done something to get off balance and that needs to be resolved before you can move forward. You'll save yourself a lot time, pain and frustration by stepping back to a point where you can regain stability. It also makes it easier to identify where you went wrong.
So, where did I go wrong? How did I lose my balance? I'm not sure. I think life introduces agitators and then my reactions to those things can make it worse. Things like the weather, stress at work, running injuries, loss and so on can trigger old coping mechanisms. There are other things, like transitioning too quickly to the next stage, that set me up for old ways of thinking. For example, I was getting pretty down about how slowly I was losing weight. It seemed like everyone else was losing quickly with little effort. The only people losing as slowly as me were people who were admittedly not following the plan closely and not exercising. My brain takes that information and twists it into this self-pitying sense of persecution and unfairness. This negative emotion triggers old behaviors. Sometimes it'll trigger the whole, "why bother??" response and sometimes it triggers the impulse to make further restrictions on the food plan I'm not ready to make. I try to consume low cal veggies I don't like or too many of them so I don't feel satisfied. This leaves me vulnerable.
What can I do now? When I was eating lots of starches and losing slowly I didn't crave anything off plan and I always looked forward to my meals and I never ended a meal feeling unsatisfied. I can't change the weather. I can't make spring come sooner. Losing .2 pounds a week is better than gaining weight. It's better than living with the obsessive thoughts. It's better than all the pain that comes from SAD eating.
I think I'll stop weighing in on the MWL forums. I should also put away my scale. My successes should be measured by doing the right thing not by the outcome. I also need to try harder to get on the forums everyday. Another thing I had been doing but stopped doing recently was writing down everything I ate in my own paper journal. I haven't been getting to AA meetings. I haven't been socializing much. I haven't been running. All these things combined lead to isolation, loss of serenity, and over-emphasis on the self. Coming here, sharing my struggle, participating in this community helps others and that helps me. And we all know how much I think of me.
Another awesome thing about showing up here, keeping a journal, and being honest about where you are is it gives other forum members an opportunity to reach out when they see you struggling. I got a PM from a forum member the other day and it really touched my heart. I'm so grateful for the people here.
OK, time for my oatmeal, blueberries and banana! I've got pinto beans in the crockpot and SNAP and fingerlings in the fridge. The sun is supposed to shine long enough for me to do some yard work. I also plan to do a short run to get back into the old groove. I think I'll also check out some journals today and reconnect with my people.
I hope you're all having a good weekend.
HW: 220 lbs BMI=36.3
CW: 162 lbs BMI=26.5
GW: 135 lbs BMI=22.3
) I'm so glad i resisted the impulse as I'm sure you are too. I pictured the crap food morphing into plaque and settling in my arteries- like in one of those transformer movies. I then checked email while eating and got a "delightful" report on the abuse of animals from PETA. It was sad and disgusting. Glad I wasn't munching on fried carcass of some kind.
