Dissolution's Solution

[VegSexy]

You. Look. FABULOUS.

Keep up the great work. You're an inspiration to all of us.

[carollynne]

Gee willikers-bob! Whatever can one do about this stuff beyond our control, but you are doing it up so great. I am so impressed and motivated just reading about your progress. It is amazing how vegans do not get nearly as sick as other omnivores and I think it must be the antioxidants we get all day long. The sweet stuff and the flour things like bread oh, they can call my name all day long too.
Hope that you are at your goal wt by June 21st the start of summer, that would be so cool! But any time is a good time I am sure. How are the sons all doing? they must be so proud of you!
We all support each other on this board a lot, so I hear drumbeats all around your journal pages here! Let the hurrays begin for you and your wonderful shrinking self!

[AlwaysAgnes]

I watched the Melanie Joy - Carnism: The Psychology of Eating Meat video from the recent advanced study weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vWbV9FPo_Q

It was very good. Mostly likely does not have the impact of Earthlings, but it was a very calm and logical approach to moral reasons to not eat animals. Baby steps.

That's an excellent video. Thanks. I shared it on Facebook.

[carollynne]

Yes it is, I saw it yesterday, and it is well done. it is not going to make anyone stop eating the animal flesh, I suppose but still it does a lot of good explaining of the ways behind it. Great!

[Dissolution]

LauraA If I may suggest, if you read the first page of my journal, I fill in a lot of background information. I do feel very very lucky to have discovered this way of eating.

Potatohead Sometimes I think I'm making progress in getting her moved this way, she has seemed to of added starches to her diet, but she's not reducing anything else.

VegSexy You are too kind.

carollynne I think my new goal is 200 Lbs by Memorial Day, that pretty much gives me 3 months to lose 30 pounds. That sounds reasonable to me. As long as I stay away from the sweets.

AlwaysAgnes I'm still afraid to watch Earthlings...
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Normally I leave my client sites around 5PM. Yesterday I was running a little late because I had to fix my wife some lunch before I left. I called her about 5:45 to tell her I needed to work a little late. Called her again at 6:30 to let her know I was on my way home and asked her if she needed anything.

I get home and she's pissed, and then starts accusing me of cheating on her, so we had this conversation.

Her: Do you know what the top 5 signs that your husband is cheating on you are?
Me: Nope.
Her: #1 Weight-loss and lifestyle change.
Me: Honey, I have heart disease, I HAD to do something.
Her: #2 Wardrobe change.
Me: But YOU bought the clothes for me, that's hardly fair! Baby, I'm not cheating on you.
Her: Denial! That's #3!
Me: (I started laughing and couldn't stop) (I finally managed to get out) But wouldn't "denial" also be the #1 sign your husband is NOT cheating on you?

At that point I left the room. She did apologize later for over-reacting.

I did something I probably shouldn't have. Since I am preparing the wife lunch and dinner, while her ankle is hurt, I decided to CRON-O-Meter her food for the day. The results are not good;

Cal: 3174
Protein: 9.7%
Carb: 29.4%
Fat: 60.9%

A couple of things to note, while she certainly consumed less food volume wise than I did for the day (I didn't track mine, but I'm normally in the 1500 calorie range), I could see why she thinks she eats so little. Over 900 of those calories are from the Half'n'half she puts in her coffee, another 500 are from the 5 Tbsp of butter she used in her mashed potatoes and her toast.

I've continued to drink coffee because it is the last food link between the wife and I. Maybe I should quit and encourage her to do so, also. She will drink tea without cream, but not coffee.

I'm getting to the point where I can't worry about her anymore. I mean sure, I still love her, but she still refuses to watch FoK or read the China Study or look at anything I recommend. I've shown her how to become healthier. Last week, when her blood sugar spiked (450+) she asked me for some of my metformin (I always used to pack extra on vacations) I had to tell her that I don't take it anymore. You would have thought that would have made an impression.

She is the only reason I haven't joined a fitness club yet. She doesn't want me to go without her, but she refuses to go to one that doesn't have a pool. So my choices are 10 minutes away for $20 per person a month (no pool), or 30 minutes away for $65 per person a month (w/ pool). I should tell her we will join the expensive one, but she has to quit smoking ($240 a month), or I will join the cheap one by myself.

Sorry about the venting today. Down to 232 this morning, looks like the "correction" is continuing. I don't know weight-loss tracker etiquette, am I cheating by not tracking my increase for this week? I really don't believe that I've lost 5 legitimate pounds since Tuesday.

[nicoles]

Dissolution - I used to be like your wife when I was "dieting" - lots of half 'n' half and butter, because I *needed* my treats to stick to the diet....which ended up ruining the whole diet plan anyway.

Oh and also full-fat cottage cheese; yes, I know most people think that is gross who aren't even on this WOE, but I sure did love my high-fat dairy products.

Switching from coffee to tea might just help...coffee is such an addiction for so many of us,(in fact, I was tempted yesterday morning because I woke up a little tired and walked by a Starbucks...but I like half n half in my coffee, not soy milk or anything else so, no go) and there are plenty of specialty teas out there to make the experience a more culinary replacement.

Anyway, if it is any consolation, the changes you are seeing in your wife might come slowly, erratically or not at all, but change is inevitable no matter how much we resist, so it is likely that SOME changes will be made. People move when they are ready.

I am glad your wife apologized for overreacting about you being late. She is clearly feeling very vulnerable, and her blood sugar levels, general health issues and smoking cannot be helping to keep her rational. I sympathize with you both.

I like the quit smoking/fitness club plan.

[Potatohead]

Wow...you wife is jealous of your success...I went through the same thing with my hubby ...He never complained of my weight back then, but he sure blew a gasket when I started losing I think our spouses get comfortable in their lives and don't want change.
It is natural what your wife is feeling....you are getting healthier and your physical appearance is getting better..and she is still the same...at some point hopefully she will embrace your lifestyle, or just accept it....My husband accepted it...He made no dietary changes until last year when at age 52 he had a quadruple bypass...now he eats what I eat,with the addition of fish or chicken...not great, but much better than his diet before..he has lost 25lbs and gave up smoking..so that is a blessing.
just keep doing what you are doing...anything worthwhile is not easy.

[carollynne]

hi again Dissolution, I really feel for you in your situation, you are blazing a path towards True North, and great health, and even if you do not know it outright, she is truly watching you for signs of weakening and falling off the wagon and you are not about to do it, no sirree bob! so cool. I can identify with all the butter, I had to cut it out completely, and then even the earth balance too, all pure fat and fat begets fat , you know the drill! funny, she she should be rejoicing in your new body and health, and she will one of these days. It took my Dh over a yr to get it thru his thick mind-set that the fried chicken would go moldy in the frig, and no one was going to eat it period. I know you must do this for yourself so keep at it, you are doing so good, it is impressive to us all !

[AlwaysAgnes]

Dissolution, the weight gain you saw from your vacation was almost certainly water, not fat. Just make a note of it, so if it happens again, you'll better see the connection. Even during a typical day, weight can fluctuate several pounds. It's not because someone's losing or gaining 2 or 3 or 4 pounds of body fat in an hour or eight. It's water. Or poop. Sorry.

Did you show your wife the cronometer result of her day's food?

Maybe you could get her some fatfree Half and Half. It's not health food, but it's a healthier (less fatty) choice than the full fat stuff. She'll eliminate 3g fat per tablespoon and cut the calories from her creamer habit in half. If she gets the fat in her diet down, she'll probably see improvements in her blood sugar. Have you or she read Dr. Bernard's book on diabetes? This is one of his presentations on youtube. Perhaps you've seen it. http://youtu.be/CqCxVEAUjd0 Cut some fat. Add some starch/fiber. That will help replace even more of the fats. Either of those is a step in the right direction. 60% calories from fat a day is insane, unless you're an Eskimo. Do you think that's a typical amount for her? It's almost twice the SAD norm.

Join the cheaper fitness club. If she's worried about you going without her, tell her she can stand guard in the car while you're there. You can't change anyone but yourself. She'll either come around to your perspective or she won't. Whatever she does, she'll do it in her own time. That's true for all of us. You're creating your life now. Right this minute. What it looks like is up to you.

[Melinda]

Dissolution, you are doing great! I love reading your journal - it is so inspiring! Since my husband has lost about 10 pounds or so and is his slimmest since we met, and he has started lifting weights - something I wanted him to do for many years - I did have a few little niggling thoughts, that maybe he is doing this for some other woman. I know that is silly, since he is retired, plus he ain't the cheatin' type. So I can see why your wife would feel insecure - you are being very loving and patient with her. Good for you!

[Adrienne]

Hi Dissolution

You are doing so well! As for your wife, she obviously has issues/insecurities that go beyond being irritated about your new diet and lifestyle (I think you wrote earlier that she was cheated on by her first husband).

I understand how you feel you cannot worry about her anymore. However, as she gets older and sicker her declining health will surely impact your life, as you will be the one caring for her. Maybe you and your kids can try talking to her about how her health affects your entire family. Hopefully you will be able to get through to her sooner than later. Otherwise as you get thinner and healthier you will likely become more and more frustrated with her. Perhaps you could keep trying to prepare healthy food for her without telling her how healthy it in fact is.

Good luck to you.

[Dissolution]

nicoles Cottage cheese used to be one of my "go to" diet foods. It's really amazing sometimes how much obese people think they know about dieting and weight-loss. I know I was guilty of that mind-set.

Potatohead It's really a shame it took your husband having a quad to get him to start eating more like you do. You've been showing him the way for so long.

Part of the problem I am having with the wife is the feelings of being marginalized. I realize that she probably just figured this was a fad for me, and that it wouldn't last. I think she's coming to the realization that I'm in it for the long run. I have recently told her that I'm never going back to the old ways, and she seems to have accepted that. Among friends, family and co-workers (without bragging) I'm generally considered to be a very smart guy. I've done tons of reading and research into this way of eating and nutrition and diabetes. Whenever I try to discuss these things with the wife, at best she ignores me, sometimes she will just flat out ridicule me for believing something (scientific research) that goes against what she thinks. Didn't it bother you for your husband to ignore the way you were eating?

carollynne I do feel bad for her sometimes. Before our vacation she made a huge beef stew (the smell made me nauseous). She left a huge bowl of it in the fridge for our two sons to eat on all week, while we were gone. They didn't touch it. I'm certain was an excellent tasting stew (if you were a SAD eater). It made her sad (no pun intended).

AlwaysAgnes I would have to say that dietary intake was very normal for her. I haven't shown her the CRON-O-Meter yet, I'll probably save it for one of her tirades about how she doesn't eat enough to keep a small child alive. I've tried to get her to do WW or count calories or just keep a food diary. That generally results in her accusing me of calling her a fat cow.

Fat free half'n'half is a no go. I switched to it after my last heart attack and she gave me fits about it.

I've seen some stuff by Dr. Bernard, but not his books or the video you linked, I'll watch that one today.

Melinda The wife has mentioned several times that I need to start lifting again. She just wants me to go do it at #2 son's house. Which is 40 minutes away, and he doesn't have any weights. I'm on a Tuesday night men's bowling league with #2 and #3 sons. She has told me that if they weren't on the league, that she would have strongly opposed me going there without her. I've never cheated on anybody in my life, and she knows this.

Adrienne I'm planning a spring and summer filled with lots of activity, mountain biking, rafting, amusement parks. Lots of stuff that she can't do. I've shown her the way, I've demonstrated it. She has so far chosen not to follow. I've already wasted enough of my life being fat and unhealthy, I'm not going to waste any more just because she CHOOSES to be fat and unhealthy.
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Back at 230 this morning!

Next goal, 200Lbs by 5/25/12.

Let's do this thing!

[toadfood]

Oh boy. I feel sorry for your wife, not least because she is going to miss out on a lot of fun this summer. I'm glad you're not letting her hold you back. She has to find her own way.

I understand that sad feeling when people won't eat something you've cooked (of course in my case it's SAD eaters not liking my vegan cooking). I would guess cooking is how she shows love, and so eating is how you and your sons are supposed to show love in return. But the food was killing you, and it is continuing to kill her. Blood sugar of 450? AND she smokes? This woman is on a suicide mission.

I love the idea of her quitting smoking and then joining the expensive health club. Even if she cut back by half -- her health would improve, and you'd save enough money to go to the expensive club.

[scooterpie]

I've already wasted enough of my life being fat and unhealthy, I'm not going to waste any more just because she CHOOSES to be fat and unhealthy.

At the end of the day the one sentiment we all should try to live by. Some of us are examples of the alternative, but if that's not enough there are plenty of painful reminders that choosing health is worth the trouble/effort until it becomes second nature.

Bravo to you for continuing to practice your healthy ways. You SOUND so good! Keep up the excellent work!

[nicoles]

nicoles Cottage cheese used to be one of my "go to" diet foods. It's really amazing sometimes how much obese people think they know about dieting and weight-loss. I know I was guilty of that mind-set.

IN our defense, cottage cheese IS touted as a diet food in almost any regular American restaurant you might visit. BONUS that it tasted so good to me, was how I saw it then.

I've already wasted enough of my life being fat and unhealthy, I'm not going to waste any more just because she CHOOSES to be fat and unhealthy.

Bravo! You have been/are more than kind, helpful and understanding. Your wife just has to get there however she gets there, and the rest is up to her.

Back at 230 this morning!

Rock on!

Next goal, 200Lbs by 5/25/12.

You'll make it, I'd wager. Make it with room to spare.