by kkrichar » Thu Jun 06, 2013 7:38 am
OK, full disclosure, my food was bad on the trip. I started out with such good intentions. The day I arrived in San Diego I went to Whole Foods and bought stuff for the road and to eat at my mom's until we left (3 days). After one day, we realized how difficult it was to cook and pack and ship things. I have to admit I have a pretty short fuse with my mom. I realize it is fear based. Whenever I feel helpless, either unable to help myself (lost and the GPS won't work) or unable to help my mom (too far away or financially) and my mom can't help either I just lose it. Her helplessness just shines a spotlight on mine and I get scared something will happen to her. Rather than experience the fear I lash out in anger.
I think a big issue here is fear that my mind will deteriorate like hers seems to have. She can't remember anything. She couldn't focus on the simplest tasks. I had to watch her constantly to get her back on task. She was supposed to have sold/shipped/discarded anything that wasn't coming with us in the car prior to my arrival. I knew that wouldn't happen and added 2 days on the front end of my trip to help with last minute things that didn't get done. Well, she wasn't even close and we spent every minute I was in San Diego boxing, shipping and cleaning. Not a big deal but she just couldn't focus. I literally had to pick up every item in her house and ask if she was keeping it or donating it. Every single item like she was a 5 year old child.
Then, on the road, she was completely unhelpful in terms of navigating, packing the car up at night and in the morning. She couldn't find anything the entire time. She kept misplacing the exact same things every day but never found a system to avoid it. Then she would get so frustrated and say, "just great!! I can't find my eye drops. I thought I put them in here!!!" every single day!
Anyhoo, my response to this kind of anxiety is to stuff it down with food and that's exactly what I did. Sigh.
On a positive note, we saw the Grand Canyon and it was beautiful. I've always wanted to see it and am so happy we did. We also visited my brother and his family in Colorado. That was fun. My mom met her great grandson and he is totally adorbs. He's so affectionate and sweet. No melt downs. He was better behaved than I had been up to that point.
Anyhoo, all total I gained 4.2 pounds in the 8 days of my trip. I'm on day 4 back on plan. I've lost 2.8 pounds. 1.6 to go. I ran last night for the first time in 11 days. It felt good but I could feel the lost fitness. I was supposed to go back to work today but I just couldn't do it. I feel drained of all my energy and I had a really bad headache when I got up this morning.
I'm buying Neal Barnard's, "Power Foods for the Brain." My mom already avoids deodorant with aluminum, doesn't use non-stick pans or cast iron, she doesn't drink out of aluminum cans and she follows McDougall most of the time. I'm not sure how much more she can do for this memory problem of hers. I want to help her if I can but mainly I hope to avoid the same fate for myself. My mom treated her body a lot better than I did. She never drank or smoke. She was never obese. She always exercised. I worry about all the damage I've already done. Maybe this brain thing will be the thing that makes this WOE non-negotiable for me.
Oh, I forgot to mention, my brother was super over-weight when we saw him. I guess he's about 300 pounds now and is 6'1" or 6'2". He had a bad health check-up and decided to make some changes. He wouldn't say what the doctor said but I do know he is on blood pressure medication. He and his wife are quitting sugar, alcohol and caffeine. They appear to be on a low-carb diet. I felt so ashamed that I hadn't stuck with my food plan. I could have been a great example for them and I blew it. I hope to see them at Thanksgiving so maybe this will be an opportunity to do the right thing and get my own act together.
We went to Olive Garden for dinner and my niece ordered mashed potatoes, spaghetti with marinara sauce and fried chicken strips for her son. He wouldn't eat the chicken strips. My brother and his wife both said it was a problem because he needed his protein and all he ever wanted to eat was carbs. They said he hated meat. Then they wouldn't let him eat anymore potatoes until he ate his chicken strips. My mom tried to tell them he was getting enough protein and not to make him eat the chicken but they just rolled their eyes at her. I felt so not credible I decided to stay out of it. Then I felt ashamed about that. My brother's wife is a nurse and my mom is such a flake they just discredited her outright. If I had been farther along in my health I would have said something but what kind of example am I?
Sigh, today is a new day. It's never too late to be the example you want to be. Day 4 and I'm feeling better. When will I ever stop this cycle?????? I know I can do it.
HW: 220 lbs BMI=36.3
CW: 162 lbs BMI=26.5
GW: 135 lbs BMI=22.3
