Journal of my journey

[Morris]

April 6, 2017

Well, I am back. I fell off the plan big time this past month. I cannot even say exactly why it happened, except that I am stressing and it is affecting my mood, which in turn affects my food choices.

I slipped up and started eating fast food. I am not sure what gives with that. I do not even like fast food items. And potato chips, yogurt bars, and cookies have become a daily part of my diet. Also, along with that, aches and pains, sleepless nights, and a bad attitude.

But, I am tired of it. Time for me to get back on track. The only good thing is that I weighed myself this morning and saw that the weight gain was not as bad as I thought. I only gained about 5 pounds. But that is enough for me to say enough is enough. It may have been more, because I did not hop on the scale every day. Just noticed my jeans were getting too tight.

I did start my day well yesterday as far as no junk.
Coffee
oatmeal with nuts and seeds and a banana
peanut butter bread

Went to a Mexican restaurant and they were very happy to prepare my meal with no added oil and no dairy. I had something that was made from the tamale mix but prepared different. They just put it on the griddle and kept it out of the deep fat fryer. Then added some mashed potatoes, beans, onions, peppers, lettuce, tomato and avocado. It was good when I topped it with the salsa.

I even refrained from eating the chips they put on the table because they looked nasty. But, then we went to the Mexican bakery next door. I blew it there. 2 choices, apple turnover that had almost no filling just the phyllo dough and a pastry of some sort with a small amount of a variety of filling.

Then we went to the food coop, there I ended up buying a bag of snicker doodle cookies. I ended up eating it all when we got home.
I have no will power to just say no. I need to retrain my brain and strengthen my resistance muscle (Beck Diet Solution talk). Seriously, I ate it all~~ should be no surprise as to why I gained 5 pounds this past month. The surprise is it was only 5 pounds. To make things more pathetic is that that junk did not even taste good.

So, my first part of my plan to get back on track is to STOP EATING FOOD THAT DOES NOT TASTE GOOD TO ME. That ought to take care of my problem if I can just focus on that.

Oh, and for supper I had leftover Spinach Curry (recipe from Vegan Richa) I added potatoes, carrots and mixed vegetables. It was so tasty after eating all that junk food. I often wonder why people say fruits and vegetables do not taste good, since they taste so much better that deep fried oily sugary things.

Let's see how fast i can get rid of these five pounds. Here's to a new day with new opportunities to eat well.

[anne57]

...

[Morris]

April 13, 2017

Thanks Anne. I am glad to be back posting again and eating right again. Feeling miserable is not worth eating the junk, besides it does not taste as good as fruits, veggies and grains, and legumes.

Other than my hands, most of the aches are gone, but I am stacking wood and that is hard on my hands and wrists and back. Trying to limit it to an hour or two, but it is just nice to be by myself and listening to music while I work.

I get frustrated a lot because my hubby won't help me in any way. I know he is in pain all the time, but often when I come in then I still have to do the housework and cook the meals. I notice that he even waits to eat until I come in to make my meal so I will make him something also. Honestly, the man may hurt, but he needs to do things to help him be self-sufficient. Seriously, I am being too nice here, he needs to get off his a**. If I prepare our meal ahead of time, he won't even heat it up for me, BUT he is able to cook his garbage food.

I have learned to pick my battles. It does not work for me to say anything about how I feel because according to him it is all my fault. He accepts no responsibility. As a matter of fact, he constantly tells me to stop helping our daughters when they ask for help. He cannot see that he is the one stressing me out. Once, he told me to stop helping them because then I get too tired to do things for him. Wow! Thanks for caring!

A while back, I read the book Potatoes, not Prozac and in there the author explained that there is a chemical imbalance that for some reason causes a person not to accept responsibility for their actions and place the blame on others. I thought -- wow! I am reading about my hubby here.

He is great at telling everyone what to do but never seems to heed to his own advice. He would lecture everyone he met and would listen to him about eating healthy. Yet his choices are always meat based and fat-ladened sauces. Once I asked him why, since he knows the importance of eating healthy, how come he does not make healthy choices in the meals he makes himself. His answer was because I did not make all his meals for him. He always has an excuse and it's always some one else's fault.

OK, I guess you can see I am still frustrated. It will never go away as long as I am with hubby. I don't think he is going to change. It has been this way from the beginning. Next month is our 37 year anniversary. I need to deal with it differently, eating crappy food makes me feel crappy.

I am redoing the Beck Diet Solution to help me with my thoughts. It is not a diet, but the thinking process. It expands on chapter 12 in the Maximum Weight Loss book. It has a lot of the same ideas, but on a day-by-day basis by doing a daily checklist and adding a new exercise each day. It is a good way to establish a habit because it has you do the same thing over and over and over. It also helps me with my mindset. The exercises help me be more aware of my "why" and what I am putting in my mouth and when.

I am on Day 4 and dropped 2 pounds just by cutting out a lot of the junk that I was eating. Snacking is my problem. I am trying to grab fruit or veggies instead of chips and cookies. That is where my excess calories come from.

What I have been eating:
coffee
peanut butter toast with jelly
bananas
oranges
blueberries
nuts, seed and fruit mixture

I made some cauliflower "meat" inspired by Chuck Underwood, Brand New Vegan, and turned it into a gravy. One of my favorite dishes used to be hamburger gravy. It was a staple for me growing up. This mixture uses cauliflower, mushroom and walnuts. I am learning that I can make a lot of different things with this mixture. I served it over mashed potatoes.

peas
corn
salad, lots of salad, with peppers, onions, tomatoes.

I am trying to drink more water. In doing so, I am waking up feeling like I actually slept in throughout the night. It feels good to feel rested.

Well, the weather is warming up and the mosquitoes will be out soon, so in goes the garlic in my dishes, that means --whew! stinky me!

[anne57]

...

[Morris]

April 21, 2017

Anne, chips are my downfall when I don't drink enough water and am a bit dehydrated. If I would grab a water instead of chips then I would stop eating so much junk. The good thing is when I eat chips after I cleansed my palate then they taste nasty and causes me to really think about eating them. But when i eat junk, I like the greasy salty chips. I cannot wait til I get to where I can just say no, as I did with many candy bars. Even now, my favorite aren't tasting as good as I remember them.

Now, I have the image of my brother in my mind, he is overweight and has high blood pressure. Seeing him for Easter dinner was concerning because he could not walk from one room to another without breaking into a sweat and heavy breathing.

I am learning to make a connection with what I eat and the health. I am getting up there in years and I don't want to be like the rest of my family. I spent some time with one of my younger sisters, who is active, she walks everywhere she goes because she does not own a car. Yet, she is overweight.

She is interested in healthy eating, but like me, gives in. The struggle is real. The bad food is everywhere you go and finding healthy choices can be a chore. But if you look hard enough and in the right places you can find healthy choices. I need to learn to grab cut up lettuce instead of chips whenever i get a craving.

Choices: I can choose to eat healthy and feel great or I can choose to eat crappy and feel crappy. Ah, the simplicity of it all.

[anne57]

...

[Morris]

April 24,2017

Anne,
The most frustrating thing for me with my family members is that they don't seem to care and that causing me to turn inward and ask myself if I care about how what I eat will affect my health. If I care, I mean truly care, then why do I keep eating the junk? Good snacks are out there, it is just having to go treasure hunting each time you want to find them.

[anne57]

...

[Morris]

April 30, 2017

I ran the 10k yesterday, not my best time. I think this was the slowest I ran this particular one. BUT I ran it well and toward the end after a minute or two trying to find that perfect song to take me across the finish line, (gave me a chance to catch my breath and regroup my thoughts), I gave it my all that last stretch before the line. The best part was that i was not sore or overly tired afterwards. I did not even get stiff after the 45 minute drive home. I think that is a better accomplishment than the time.

It took place in a small tourist town, right before all the shops opened. For years, I complained to the chamber that they needed to get the businesses to open this weekend. The event is a 1k kids run, 5k, 10k, half marathon, marathon. The marathon is a Boston qualifier race. And the businesses wouldn't open til the next weekend. Things changed this weekend...

The one store I always go to when in town there is the Chocolate Ox; I went in bought a few treats for the grandkids, hubby and I left the store without buying any chocolate for me. I did stop in at the coffee shop and bought a cup of coffee and a scone. (my bad) But, I did not eat out and came home and made me a H.U.G.E. salad with loads of veggies.

This morning I had my coffee then roasted some fingerling potatoes, carrot, onion, cauliflower, tomato, mushroom, and onion and put that on a bed of spinach. I probably could have stopped eating halfway, but ate the whole thing. I need to learn when I am full, not overly full. Even though I kept eating, i have a fuller sensation in my tummy, but overly stuffed. I am used to going past that I had enough mark.

[Yomom]

Congratulations on your race and lack of soreness afterwards.

[Morris]

Thanks, I am more excited about that than when I actually PR'd in that race years ago.

[Jeff the Chef]

This is my 3rd time to attempt to start this WOE. So now I've read that someone who is long term, but have fallen and got back on the wagon encourages me. Congratulations on your he PR! I hope to get back into running after I lose mire weight and improve my cholesterol and triglycerides.

Btw, I just discovered ticketfactory because of you. How do you get the image to show up? As you can see, I wasn't successful.

[Morris]

May 10,2017

Jeff, I am happy that I have been an encouragement to you. It is hard for me to get with eating right but the longer I keep trying the more I find that I do not like eating my old way. So many things just do not taste good anymore; I just need to convince myself of that fact BEFORE I purchase the stuff. Each time i get back to eating right, it is a success for me.

I think I got my ticker to show by copying the html and pasting it in. Too be honest it has been so long ago, I forgot how I did it.

My success lately has been that I have been able to say NO to buying something when I was out and about. I managed to not buy the junk by reminding myself that the last time I ate that particular candy bar, I really did not enjoy it because it tasted like crap. Somehow that made it a bit easier to by pass the candy aisle.

I downloaded the app Zombies, Run. What fun it is to go for my runs now especially since now I get a story to entertain me.

I have not made any spectacular meals lately. Another race on the 20th. My granddaughter will not be running with me, so I won't be able to chase her. Bummer.

[Morris]

May 16, 2017

I am not keeping up with my journal, but I am still working on becoming compliant. It seems like whenever I post my success then my inner rebellious inner self shows up and I totally blow it the next day. Maybe i need to just stop posting my eating for a bit.

I realize (again) that I am an emotional eater. I got upset with my hubby last night and afterwards made some microwave S'mores. The weird thing is that after I ate them (1 sheet cracker with 1/4 choc bar and 1 marshmallow x4 ) My attitude changed. I thought oh, oh. I am addicted. However, I also made a shift in my thoughts. So, who knows what really went on inside my head.

I was on you tube listening to some Bible Studies and I found this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T3TM8KT4mk

This pastor healed himself of RA by following the McDougall Diet ~ after 8 days. He was so excited!! Thought I'd share the link with his testimony. He promotes Dr. McDougall's website very well.

[Morris]

May 21, 2017

I am struggling to get back (can I say back as i am not sure I ever really got with it 100%). My difficulty is snacking - I eat too much junk in between meals.

Lately, bread has been my downfall. I am eating it like there is no tomorrow and I don't get a grip, there may be no tomorrow. I cannot believe how much I have been pigging out on bread.

On the positive, my meals have been:
My take of Rip's big Bowl cereal with banana and blueberries.
Romaine lettuce with onion, red pepper, tomatoes, (I added an apple today)
gold potato, onion, red pepper, carrot, mushrooms, asparagus

I went out to an Italian restaurant with my sister, we had the soup and salad. Unlimited salad - we went through 3 bowls. unfortunately, it also served unlimited bread. UGH! I eat too much bread.

I had my race on Saturday, it poured the whole time. It was only 45° so it was a cold wet run. I came in at 34:42 for a 5k - I'll justify my slow time by saying my garmin registered and extra .20 miles. I think i am giving up on running fast, but it sure does feel good to run strong and not feel like I am totally out of breath and sore when I am finished.

Feeling bloated, so won't be weighing myself for a bit 'cause I don't want to know.