Journal of my journey

[Morris]

July 19, 2017

Still here, but not online as much. Working on not snacking as much and if I do, working on making better choices.

Went to our cabin this past week. I weighed myself on the scale up there and it was down a few pounds. Didn't get too excited because different scale and so that means different numbers. Came home and weighed myself just to see the number and I dropped a pound from the cabin scale.

i bought some baby potatoes, tri-color and have been eating those for my starch. I am just throwing things together, so not much to report in terms of recipes. I should really record what I eat because then I can see how many empty calories I eat from the junk food. But', alas, I am too lazy. I know the snackin' is my problem, I just need to get it under control.

Starting watching What the Health, maybe that will motivate me to eat better. I don't want to be pawn in someone's game. I really do not want to play.

this post is a test. I seem to be having issues posting in Chrome browser. It keeps taking me back to the log in page. Well, let's see what happens this time.

[Morris]

This is a test post: my last post did not work. After I typed it and pressed submit it went back to log in. If this keeps up I may be done with my journal because I seem to be wasting my time typing and it not posting

[Morris]

August 1, 2017

Today is my birthday - 59 years today. I am feeling pretty good for getting up there in years. Today I am only 3 pounds heavier than my young adult years. Not too bad, but my goal was to get back down to it. Bummer, but then I did not dedicate 100% effort.

I am attempting to watch my portion sizes when eating. I like to eat and think I eat too much, even the good stuff.

Other than the junk food: salted nut rolls, s'mores, peanut m&m's; I am eating things that I should be eating. My potatoes tops are dying so I am making it a point to get out there and dig up some for at least one meal a day. Man, they taste so much better when they are fresh out of the ground.

I grabbed some zucchini and basil from my mom's garden and made fatfreevegan's Zucchini and Basil Soup --OMG! that is an awesome soup.

Made some split pea potato soup. That was yummy also.

Also made some plain ol' mashed potatoes and gravy.

I am eating just plain steamed potatoes.

(Today, i am using firefox because chrome does not seem to allow me to post. I type my post in chrome, hit submit and it takes me back to the log in. So frustrating that i don't bother to try again - that's why I am not posting as much, [well, i am but no one can see what I typed because it disappeared.)

[strivn2bhealthy]

Happy belated birthday! I had to respond to your post because potatoes from the garden are AMAZING! I've been eating black cherry tomatoes from our garden daily... sweet and juicy! Hope you find the answer to your snacking woes.

-Shari

[Morris]

August 25, 2017

I cannot believe how long it has been since I posted. It is the same old same old. My eating meals are compliant but I still struggle with the snacking. I am working on that and am trying to not snack in between meals. Some days I am successful and some days I am not.

I weighed myself this morning and I am only 1.6 pounds away from my first goal. I joined a couple of virtual races to get me motivated to keep moving. Plus I subscribed to the Zombies, Run! app so now I get a new episode every time I go for a run. I have a favorite route that goes through the woods and then down to a lake and some times I get spooked with the zombies chasing me. I added an extra mile to my runs and that seems to be helping with the weight loss.

Years ago, when I plateaued for what seemed like forever (1 year), I started doing long runs before the weight started to drop. Now, the poison plane isn't flying as much and so there is not as much poison in the air (I live near farmers that spray their crops), I'll be able to start running my longer loop that goes around the fields.

It is bear baiting season now, so I need to be an the lookout for where people are baiting to bring in the bears. A couple years ago, we had them in our yard often throughout the summer. I haven't seen any evidence that there are any around here this year. I look for tracks when I run.

I have been eating out of the garden. Last night, we had the first of the corn crop. It was chewy and I think they might have matured too much. But I ate 2 cobs anyway. I am amazed at how the industry has set standards as to how a food should look and taste. I watched Banana Land, anyways I started to watch it and it made me so angry that I could not finish it and have not purchased bananas since watching.

That brings me to remembrance of comment I read about how vegans are so concerned about animals that they neglect the abuse that companies do to their human workers. So, I am keeping that in mind whenever I look at those banana bunches in the store. But, if i find a "fair trade" banana, I am buying.

What I have been eating (excluding the junk snack):
whole grain bread
peanut butter
potatoes
green beans
leaf lettuce
spinach
romaine lettuce
kale
peas
cucumbers

I seem to be lacking on the beans and legumes, am I getting enough protein? haha

[Morris]

Having trouble using Chrome as my browser and posting here. If this does not post, I am done with this forum. Too frustrating

[Morris]

Sept 9,2017

Well, that last post was successful, so here goes with my next post.

I have lost a few pounds and seem to be holding, but am not at my current first goal; I need to lose a couple more pounds and am hoping that it will be of fat. My body % is higher than I want it to be. Although, last year at a health fair, I did one of those body fat % and was told that for my age, height and weight the % was in the good category.

What is the best % of fat to be? How can one find this out?

I am still having issues with junk food, but I seem to be cutting back. Now, if I can get my husband to stop sabotaging my efforts. The other day, we were out of town and there is a candy shop there that he wanted to go to. I parked the car and instead of going in, I said that I would go and check out this other store instead. He comes out with a bag of candy for me, saying, "I thought you'd like these."

Now, logically, wouldn't one make the conclusion that if I wanted candy,I would have gone into the candy shop. Of course, I said that I needed to stop eating candy on the way there. He does this to me all the time.

A few months ago, he told me that he has a hard time not eating junk food because I eat too much of it. Seriously, he has a hard time not eating the stuff because I eat it. Keep in mind, I am a closet eater and do most of my eating the stuff when I am by my lonesome. I don't buy much when I am with him. But, it is my fault for his bad habit.

It is this that frustrates me and causes me to want to eat more. Like, okay, I'll show you. Stupid logic. I am now saying, "I have to go for a run," to help me overcome the eating junk.

How do people deal with others who sabotage their efforts? I mean, it is hard enough be the food industry and businesses put temptation every where, even in places you don't expect it. Once I went to an auto part store and the first two aisles were of candy.

[Morris]

Sept 12, 2017

Back several years when I went on a paleo type diet, I had the mindset to stick with a plan. I lost a lot of weight; but, more importantly, I had the right mindset to stick with the eating portion and exercise. I want that back.

I am tired of giving in to the voice inside my head telling me that it's ok to eat ____________. Because it is not, just because I do not see the damage, does not mean it is not happening.

My parents are getting up there in years now and are coming to the conclusion that they cannot make it on their own any more. It is hard for them to ask for help. My dad always tells me "No" when i ask if I can help, but when I go do whatever anyways, he stands there and watches me and tells me that he'd get nothing done if it weren't for me helping them.

I watch my husband, who has chronic pain issues, and is overweight and does absolutely nothing to lose weight. I would really like it if we could get on a plan together, but he won't get on board. He takes no responsibility for his actions and that frustrates me to the max.

I am an emotional eater and this causes me to crave sweets. The one thing that is keeping me from going way overboard is mindful eating because whenever I slow down and really focus on what I am stuffing in my mouth I realize that it tastes N.A.S.T.Y. So, why would I want to continue to eat it. Real Food tastes so much better.

Tomorrow, I am starting the Engine 2 7-Day Rescue again. I am hoping that I will make it longer than the day and half that I did last time. Been working on that right frame of mind. I need to stop reacting to the frustration I feel and be strong and overcome those negative thoughts.

[Morris]

Sept 13, 2017

Today is the start of the E2 7-Day Challenge. Send positive vibes my way.

[Morris]

Sept 13, 2017

It is now 5 pm and I did not eat much today and am starting to get hungry. So far, no junk food. I slept late and only had time for a cup of coffee before I had to leave. So, I put my coffee in a thermos. I had to take hubby to the doctor and while he was there, I went to Barnes and Noble to get the magazine "OnFitness", one of my favorite magazines. I also picked up the lastest copy of Clean Eating.

While I was there, I browsed the cookbook section and did not find much that interested me. But, just as I was getting ready to leave, I saw a copy of Pain Free by Pete Egoscue. I couldn't resist buying that. Then i saw the 30% off bin and the China Study 2nd edition caught my eye.

Buying the China Study and skimming through it is giving me some new motivation. The first edition is what got me started on a whole food plant based diet years ago.

My husband always tells every one that I am vegan. But I am not, I do not have that mindset, close but not completely. I just prefer to eat food, real food and mostly plants.

Today I ate:
coffee
iceberg lettuce
tomato
applesauce
stirfry vegetables
home made 'creamy' tomato soup
pinto beans

Seriously lacking greens and grains today.

[Morris]

September 14,2017

WhooHoo!!! I made it through the yesterday without eating any junk food. And guess what! I survived! Not only that, I feel pretty good today. Day 1 of the Engine 2 7-Day Challenge complete. Send positive vibes my way.

We went to my parents yesterday for lunch because my cousin and his wife were in town. I never had much interaction with him in the past, but I found out he is a really nice guy. He lives out of state now, so the chance to visit isn't there. My mom made BLT's, I just ate the lettuce and tomato, no bread because what she bought was not compliant with the challenge.

On the way home, we had to stop for a get out and stretch. We stopped at a supermarket type gas station and hubby goes right to the deli. He buys some mac 'n cheese. What goes through my head is that he cannot lose weight because I eat too much junk food. I am amazed at the disconnect some people have with their health and what goes in their mouth.

And that includes me. I often do not make the full connection of what that junk food is doing to the inside of me. That is what I want to change. I want to be more aware of exactly how bad that junk food is. I think I ought to watch "What the Health" again and really get into the conspiracy side of things. This one or two companies owning the food supply is really getting scary; especially since I just watched one of those conspiracy youtube videos on Agenda 21. --- They are out to kill us all!!

But seriously, I really want to eat food, real food, and mostly plants. That is the way we are intended to eat.

[strivn2bhealthy]

Hope it is okay to post in your journal.

My husband is extremely overweight, in pain, has gout and struggles with his obsessive/addictive food issues. But, I am the brunt of his inability to lose weight, not because I cheat or eat junk, but because I don't. Because I am so disciplined and successful at sticking to whatever I apply myself to, it just makes him feel bad and worthless and blah, blah, blah... Hello?!?! I'm not morbidly obese because I'm so disciplined! I don't find this easy! I struggle every day with whether or not I can continue because I feel extremely guilty for not raising our kids to be healthier... for not being strong enough to help him find success... for not being such a great role model, that others would want to follow in my footsteps. Please understand, I'm not bashing my husband. I'm growing to recognize more and more, because of each of our personality flaws and such, that was a big portion of what attracted us to each other in the first place. We "fit" like a glove and the partnership worked. Now, because I want health, the dynamic has changed. As long as I'm following after health, I'm forcing him to deal with changes that he likely never bargained for. My husband wouldn't buy me candy, but he would ask before going in anywhere, if there was anything I wanted... to be fair and to be sensitive to acknowledge me (he grew up an only child and is still learning after 25 years of marriage to remember i'm there.) He doesn't think twice about eating JUNK in front of me consistently, though. I guess he figures the sights and smells don't affect me. I do often hear, "I want to lose weight. I want to eat healthier. I want to stop the _____ addiction." But, alas, "this is just how I am, I can't do it" follows every indiscretion.

I don't know if any of this sparks some thought in your situation or not. I'm at the place where I'm choosing health with or without him because it is likely that he won't be around as long as I am or, if he is, he's going to need someone strong and healthy to look after him. We can do this! There is nothing wrong about eating right!

[Morris]

Sept. 15,2017

Well, it's nice to know I am not alone in my frustration. My husband seems to have issues with taking responsibility for his actions and he blames others for his shortcomings. For instance, about a month ago, (when I was trying to stop eating junk food), he kept buying chips, cookies and candy. I told him he has to hide his stash so I would not be tempted. I stopped buying that stuff whenever I was with some one and turned into a "secret eater", meaning I'd only buy and eat when I was alone. He told me he has a hard time not eating junk because I eat too much of it. I am not sure how he justified that comment in his mind since at that time I was not eating the stuff in front of him. And it was not I who was throwing the bags of chips and cookies in the grocery cart.

I could go on and on, but there is no purpose other than complaining. I have to do what is right for me. It would be easier if we could get on a plan together, but he is not willing. He loves his fatty sausages, burgers and chips too much. Since he has chronic pain issues, which I believe could lessen with weight loss (I know how much I hurt when I carried an extra 35 pounds), and he does not care, then it is not my problem.

I don't think he wants to get better because then he won't be able to have a pity-party. As some one once said, "Why would you want to have a pity-party, no one brings you presents."

Well, enough of that. I ended up eating s'mores and graham crackers yesterday. I think it was the no-fat thing because I had some strong cravings for something after I ate my meal. Plus it was hot, hot, hot and humid and so I had 2 bottles of ginger beer. (not all at once).

Ever get that way when you eat a lot of lower calorie dense foods and you eat till you are close to being stuffed but you still feel hungry. So frustrating. Over on the E2 facebook page, Ami said it was because of the low- to no-fat that was the cause of that and it may take 90 days for it to go away.

90 days??? I have yet to get passed one day with those cravings. Perhaps, I really need to drink more water. Yes, that's it,I'll focus on drinking more water.

What I ate yesterday (besides the junk):
Coffee
Creamy Tomato soup (my version) (with carrots, celery, onion, [cashew and hemp seed for the 'cream'])
Cauliflower
Pinto beans
Corn fresh off the cob, freshly picked from the garden. (I pigged out, I ate 4 cobs worth)

[Morris]

sept 16,2017

Another pound down this morning. .6 to go til the first goal. This is the beginning of day 4 of the E2 7-Day challenge. I am not 100% compliant, but did not eat any sugary so-called food yesterday.

Too be honest, I think I am losing because i am not eating as much. I am trying to eat mostly just at mealtime. It is the snacking that is my downfall. I can down 600-1000 calories just in the snacking. That is what I am working on stopping.

What I ate yesterday:
coffee
broccoli
cauliflower
mushroom
pinto beans
potatoes
corn
green beans
--
mashed potatoes and gravy* (Not compliant)
mixed vegetables
breaded eggplant* (Not compliant)

Tomorrow is race day.

[Morris]

Sept 18. 2017

My weight is up a bit this morning. I seem to be eating a bit more these past few days. But, I know it is normal to fluctuate a bit so I expect it to go back up a bit, within reason that is.

I gave in and ate some s'mores last night. It was sinfully tasty. I have not yet decided to stop eating these. It is one of the few things I still indulge in without that guilt trip afterwards.

I am trying to harvest what I can out of the garden. But with all the rain it seems like everything took too long to get growing. There is a lot of butternut out there, but not ripe and the weather is getting cooler.

I have been picking the corn, it is so yummy. I won't buy corn in the store unless it is in the non GMO project. So I have not been buying a whole lot of corn. I am enjoying what I am picking, even without the butter.

I just harvest the last row of potatoes. They are real small and I think I got to them before the grubs ate too many of them. Not sure what I am going to do next year. We had so many potato bugs that we had to treat the plants, used and organic formula, but we are thinking that may have killed the plants. But then, looking at what is in farmer's market, I think it may have been just a bad season for a lot of things. Even tomatoes are a no grow this summer. So bummed.

Eating mostly potatoes, corn and carrots from the garden. My kale is now tasting bitter. Hubby said he wanted to pick it and dehydrate it, so I ignored the kale. Guess what is still in the garden? - okay, don't get me started.

Well, I am hungry and thirsty. I just spent 5 hours weeding the garden where I dug up all the potatoes and leveling the ground again. It took longer than I thought. Now, I am going to add some mulch to it so it can sit all winter. That'll be tomorrow's job.