Circle of Friends

[LoriJenny]

Christine, I am so sorry to hear of the troubles with your neice. I had similar problems with my daughter, and looking back, I wish I had gone in for family counseling sooner. So, that would be my advice. Right now she is only 12, they can make her go, and then the counselor can really help them to figure out what is going on, and help them set reasonable boundaries and rules and consequences, and also help the girl to express herself in a real way. Maybe she is trying to tell them something?? Maybe there is trouble at school she is afraid to talk about?? Family counseling will help to bring it all out, and I think might start out being hard, but end up being a really positive experience. I wish I had done this with my daughter.

[LoriJenny]

Today is day #4 of strict compliance I'm down 4 pounds in 4 days!
I couldnt seem to get online yesterday, maybe due to local thunder storms?

Yesterday was: Oatmeal, rice cakes, 3 bean chili, tacos with no fat beans, corn torillas and the corn salsa, and cut vegies. I went to bed hungry...probably not the best idea.

The oatmeal was funny because I was running a little late for work, and wondering how I was going to eat oatmeal in the car. James suggested I put it in a lunch baggies, cut off the corner and just suck it out. So I did just that, and it worked wonderfullly, and it was such a nice hand warmer too.

Rain is so rare here that James and I sat out on the back of the truck and enjoyed it and had such a nice talk while getting all soaked!

[Christine in Cali]

Thank you LJ and jld for your advice. My sister called me last night and sounded a bit better. She has been so tired and because of this more then likely has over reacted. Still doesn't take away from the fact that my Niece is rude to her. Either way it is not my place to say anything, unless I see it first hand, then I will tell her something in a loving Auntie way.

My sister talks about counseling but she may not follow through. I will go find the book that was mentioned " Kids Are Worth It! "

Glad to hear everyone is doing so well on plan and LJ WOW! 4 lbs in 4 days that's great. I will be get back on track too.....I talked to a client yesterday who is a sports councelor and he told me how to set goals, which mine being, get these last 15-20 Lbs off by my B-day in mid Dec. He said it is doable and I am to make a list of How and When and share it with someone, then put it somewhere where I will see it and read it everyday. I think I will make several copies and plant them in my car, bathroom, computer, Salon, kitchen and at the Deli.

They cleaned up the apt that I will be moving into. I will be going over there to finish today and bring a load of things....today is getting rid of stuff I no longer need and clothes that are too big. I am looking forward to my own space

Everyone have a wonderful weekend

Blessings
C in C

[LoriJenny]

I feel rather tempted today...thinking of strategies to combat temptation...I think one might be to make some nice meals that sound really good, like beans and rice and salsa, which I love!! I think another might just be to get busy and do something with my day. Anyone else ever combat temptation?? Any strategy ideas?

[terrilee317]

When temptations cross my mind, I try to not think of of those things as things I can't have; but instead I remind myself that I CHOOSE NOT to eat them anymore and instead I think about all the wonderful things that I CAN have. Like right now, I'm working from home today and am being "tempted" to eat something sweet. So I'm going to go and get myself an orange and cut it up and drizzle just a titch of powdered sugar over it. Yum.

[LoriJenny]

Thanks Terrilee..I love your positive approach!! Congrats on the nice comments you recieved too!! That is always gratifying! I resisted! I made some rice/beans and watched Forks Over Knives. I really hope I can get my kids to watch it. Isn't it just amazing to see Dr Essy and Dr Campbell running and riding their bikes in their late 70's?? That is very motivational.

Christine, I'm glad things have calmed down a bit with your sister and her daughter. Hopefully it will just be a phase that she moves through quickly!! Also, I hope your new home will be a place of peace and rest and good memories!!

[carollynne]

hi to all!! wow what a day we had, it was so nice, Dh and I went to Mercersburg, to find where Dr Essy will be lecturing and it is a beautiful drive. On the way I saw several family farms, where cows are grazing our in the fields with baby calves nearby. I do live in an area of family farming, with a lot of plain people or not, and so it is not a bunch of factory farming in my area.
I finally read the small print on the email poster I got from my cardiologist, and responded for the meal, and oh my, it is filled up. but he said he put us on a waiting list. I wrote back, oh, I understand, and have had a lot of vegan meals so no problem. Details, details details... I am not good at them apparently, but it really was tiny print that I just noticed today!! Dr Essy's son, Rip, had been to Mercersburg, last yr to kick off there vegan intro big deal and now the dad! Cool! It will be about a 40 min drive, so I am hoping for good weather. I knew a woman, who named her son Rock, and I thought that was a bit odd, (as in dumb as a rock, know who would do that to their son?)
Well I tried the Spinach tikkas today, and son loved them!! I had mine with some applesauce. I omitted the nuts, the oil, and the hot peppers. I used some red pepper flakes that son made from our own garden peppers (last yr) and they are still kicking up a storm.

Oh forgot to say that I was up in my garden early and dug up a few things, to toss, and move, and then realized that I had gotten bitten on my face!! I used some of the anti itch creme ann it is about gone now. But at first it was awful! I went inside at that point. I had done enough I thought.
Congrats to us all here!!

[terrilee317]

Well, I'll tell y'all..last night hubby and I met a friend for dinner. We were going to go to a new place where they serve fish, but I called there in the afternoon and they didn't even have baked potatoes, nothing I could eat. So we went someplace else. Fred ordered a big old hamburger and fries. I don't know what Rosie had, but it was a humungous serving and it was swimming in grease. I ordered a naked baked potato and a side salad with only vinegar. And that's what I had. I put salt and pepper on my spud and it was ohhh so good. I ate very slowly so I actually finished at the same time as they did. And you know what? I was embarrassed for them. I was actually embarrassed. I thought, "32 days ago I ate like that, how disgusting". My friend wanted to know about veganism and has actually heard of Dr. Esselstyn. So I explained all the issues from my research and if I'd been her, chowing down on that greasy mess on her plate, I would have felt awful. So nope, didn't feel deprived. Felt smart and proud!!!

[carollynne]

Terrilee, hey good for you! It is amazing now how all the horrid SAD stuff looks to me as well. My eyes balls and tummy and brain have made the transition. but it was not as quickly as yours was. I tend to see a lot of "corn fed" people everywhere I go now. Big, fat, round tummies, and they all look like pumpkins or some kind of gourd to me. Hardly anyone looks healthy to me anymore, and then when I do see a healthy person, and get too close to them, they smell like smokes to me too. DBL yuk!
BTW I hope I did say in my last post that we can go to the lecture, but not the dinner now. That is OK, as it will late enough and we do have a long drive to get home.

[LoriJenny]

I'm so encouraged by the posts here Carollynne, how wonderful to get to hear Dr. Essy!! I hope someday he will be here in so. cal. so I can hear him. What is a spinach tikka?? Where you live sounds lovely to me...farms and animals Also thanks for the tip on the vsh website...what a treasure trove of good videos to watch!!!

Terrilee...I love the way you said you didn't feel bad at all about what you were eating in the restaurant...in fact you felt like the smart one and felt sorry and even embarrassed for the others! I think that is wonderful, it gives me strength to know that I will soon feel that way too.

Today was good, I'm so happy I resisted temptation and I'm feeling quite wonderful, even felt like skipping around a little when no one was looking...hehehe!!!

Todays food: Plum, pear, apple, rice cakes, rice with beans and corn salsa (2 helpings), cut vegies, 3 bean chili with potato added, walked for 2 miles, jogged a little of it!

[terrilee317]

Way to go Lori! Good eating and good exercise! I'm lacking in the exercise department since I got the sinus infection a week ago.
Oh well. I'll get back into the swing of things.

[carollynne]

Lori and Terrilee, you are doing great! It is a good feeling and I love it too. I have been maintaining for far too long, and have recommitted to being a stricter McDougaller, as in no nuts, seeds, tofu, etc etc!! And it is the killer breads that get me each and every time. But I have realized that I am not going to be able to budge anymore, it sure seems til I recommit the MWL version. You 2 are sure giving me a lot of incentive to keep on, keeping on too. thanks a bunch for that.
I got the website of all those great medical lectures on www.vsh.org from an seasoned veteran somewhere on this board. I like to read other threads, to keep myself from eating at times, and it works.
you know it is a lovely county of views here, and the only draw back that I can really say, is that it is also a very ingrained, dyed in the wool practice to eat the animal products too. I am truly in the minority here. I mean some people get downright horrified about how I am eating, and want to defend their position, saying things right away to me,(when I am not addressing how they eat at all) oh I am diabetic, I must have my protein and eat meat..... but I do watch my carbs......when they is nothing to argue about, it is all about choices and for me to regain my health. sooo, I am avoiding the ladies luncheons for a while, but still I miss the socializing, I think that Mercersburg has a network of people who are doing this and maybe I can connect with them too. That would be so awesome!! There is a 28 day vegan plan to sign up for there, the poster says, complete with a coach, etc. Now depending on the cost, I may do that. Might be fun. My cardiologist says that he and his wife are doing that ......wow... No doubt he has a bit more money to play around with on a monthly basis, but maybe not too.
Well son says he is going to treat me today for a Thai lunch at a restaurant in Gettysburg, and I will eat correctly. I will I will.

[to_our_health]

Hi Everyone......I have a question about my 12 year old Niece? Lately she is being so abusive to my sister and it's just eating my sister up inside. It also hurts to see my sister so upset and I mean inconsolable upset. Claire my niece takes every opportunity to hurt her verbally and emotionally.

Claire is a smart beautiful girl, but for some reason thinks her Mom is a rug to walk on. She does get her way and everything she asks for she gets and my sister and BIL in their attempts to bond with Claire takes her shopping or out to eat
( all she wants to eat is junk I might add ), and then Claire turns around and plays her Mom off her Dad....I am so beside myself. I don't know how to help my sister and I am very upset with my niece, but I don't think it is my place to say anything........Any ideas on what I should or shouldn't do.

My sister has provided for her family wholly for the past 3 years, and she is thinking she is a bad Mother for not being there with her instead of working. It's so hard to see her crying. I am worried for her.

I know this is off the MCD diet topic, but maybe others have gone through this and have some advice.

Thanks

Coming late to this but I just wanted to make a couple of comments. First, if we look at all behavior as having a purpose and if we recognize that humans are social beings that want to connect and live in relationship then we can see difficult/undesired behavior as purposefully trying to connect, to have a relationship, even if it's negative and stressful.

So your niece may be reacting to your sister's relative absence in this negative way rather than having the skills or security to simply say she misses her Mom and would love more time with her (true time with her, not around buying things). (On the other hand, your niece may have had some bad experiences that she hasn't shared that are driving her behavior.)

Second, there are communication skills that can help when things have spiraled downward but most people haven't had the chance to know about them or develop them. So once things are bad, talks tend to devolve into blaming sessions rather than authentic airing of what's bothering everyone.

I hope your sister can find some support, or even professional help, to stop her own self-blaming and learn how to have a relationship with her daughter based on mutual respect, real curiosity about what is going on for each other, and the skill to communicate what is going on in a way that can be heard and lead to healing.

It is possible!

And it's great that you are a caring Aunt in your niece's life who can model an adult who is genuinely interested in a young person, including respectfully letting them know when boundaries are crossed.

[Christine in Cali]

to-our health....Thank you for your words of wisdom on both topics today.

My niece has been having to deal with some bulling at school that has been directed at her. Things are different then when we all went to school. They have to grow up so fast. I just need to listen to my sister and not jump in with a solution cause there are two sides to a story like you said. I remember being so hard on my Mother and she still loved me....she was very forgiving even when i didn't deserve it.

[LoriJenny]

What was that loud thud??? Oh no, it was me falling off the wagon Ouch!! Well, I'm climbing right back on, no looking back, only enough to figure out that what happened happened due a lack of planning.

I"m not going to go into details of the wrong food I ate, because I am always afraid that it might be a trigger for someone else to read about those foods...and it's not important, the important thing is that I continue on, undaunted, and trying much harder to have a plan.

A little of the problem was my daughter in law telling me that it's just not right to try to stick with my vegan diet through the holidays. I want to please people generally...but this is something I reallly want and need to do for me, holiday season or no holiday season!