Dissolution's Solution

[Dissolution]

Norm I think my mind sometimes decides to jump ahead to the maintenance of weight loss phase. I just have to remind myself that I have a ways to go yet. Have to be careful not to get too pleased with myself.

nicoles I never liked having seeing pictures of myself. Honestly though, looking at the photos of me at my highest weight hasn't gotten any easier. I'm still the same person, I just have some critical knowledge now.

AlwaysAgnes She does present a unique challenge. I would imagine most people presented with the evidence would either decide, I'm changing the way I eat, or I'm not willing to give up the food I love, for the health benefits it could provide. People that choose the latter, will probably have to deceive themselves in some way or another, I'm different, it won't work for me. The wife preempts all of that by claiming not the science I would show her is false, but that ALL science is false.

carollynne It will be interesting to see her reaction to the restaurant choice. The restaurant was chosen by #2, an approved by me.

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Happy Mother's Day to all of the Mother's out there!

On my way home Friday, the wife called an told me she would like to go out, and that I needed to make some kind of arrangement for dinner on Sunday. Due to a scheduling problem, the original place she had picked (DD, the seafood place) wouldn't work. I called #2 and told him to get on Yelp and find something in Virginia.

BTW, the wife is half Irish and half Scottish, I tell her all the time that's why she's mean & stubborn. The place #2 picked is an authentic style British Pub. They serve shepherd's pie, bangers and mash and trickle. Hopefully she'll like it. No clue what I am going to eat there.

Friday night we went to a new restaurant near us (in the middle of nowhere). It's actually located at a winery. There was nothing on the menu for me, so I asked if the chef could prepare something low fat and vegan. I got vanilla, tomato, couscous on top of curried lentils. It was quite good, I was pleased.

One of the main complaints the wife used when I first began this way of eating is that it infringed on our favorite hobby of exploring new restaurants. I made sure I told her, I thought my new technique was even better. It's pretty cool to not know what you are getting for dinner until it is served.

Happy Sunday everybody!

[fulenn]

Your wife will love the pub. I go to one with my daughter on occasion, she is into Doctor Who and, thus, anything British. I can get a couple of different salads-minus a few ingredients, and I got hummus once because they hadn't finished making it yet and I got it without olive oil. Not much chance of that ever happening again. DD will eat the hummus any way she can get it. The flatbread at the one we go to is also made without oil or egg. At the very least, you should get salad. I eat before I go, but you don't seem to have too much trouble with eating out.

Fulenn

[Dissolution]

fulenn The pub was ok. It didn't feel very British though. They had an excellent selection of beer. Everybody either had shepherd's pie, fish'n'chips, or bangers and mash. They had one vegetarian item on the menu, that could be made vegan with the removal of the cheese, except it was unavailable. So I wound up with a humus veggie wrap, which was fine.

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I think #2 son is completely off the Engine #2 diet. When I ask him about it, he kinda cops an attitude with me and points out that he hasn't gained any weight. That's ok, I should cut him some slack, he was pretty much the only support I ever got around here. He still has some weight to lose though, so I'm not sure what his plan is.

He's been posting his run times on FB. He's pulling about 2.6 - 2.7 miles in a 30 minute run. My best so far is 2.45 miles in 30 minutes. I should be able to easily beat his times as I workout more and lose more weight. Super Vegan Powers activate!

I took the wife down to Potomac Mills shopping on Monday. She wanted some stuff at Ikea and to look for some dresses. It was a nice day out. We ate at Macaroni Grill. Everything was great until she started talking about cigarettes on the way home.

She quit about a month ago, but this is really the tough time. Weight goes up, stress goes up, you start to feel like you've lost a best friend. I finally told her, "Fine. Smoke. Do what ever you want. I won't be angry." Which of course she followed up with, "Well, I don't know if I want to smoke or not, I just don't want you to be so controlling." Her remark doesn't even warrant commentary.

We didn't speak for the next half hour or so, then when I passed the last place to buy cigarettes on the way home she flew into a rage. Her position, I was controlling her but not stopping to let her get cigarettes. My position, She didn't tell me she wanted cigarettes, and if she wanted cigarettes, she's a big girl and can go and buy them herself, I'm not going to let her off the hook and be the one to cave in and get them for her, so she can blame me for starting up again. Trust me, if you want cigarettes, you'll do damned near anything to get them. I once shoveled a 200 ft driveway with 2 feet of snow on it to go and get cigarettes. So her hopping into the car and going to a store is not a big deal, she just wants me to enable her.

Oh well, just venting...

[nicoles]

So her hopping into the car and going to a store is not a big deal, she just wants me to enable her.

Sorry you have to deal with that. I have a lot of family members who wish the same sort of enabling from me, and I used to do it, but I have stopped now. Oh! How they scream and cry and throw tantrums at HOW HORRIBLE I am.

It is a terrible spot to be in. If you enable them, they act loving and kind and "allow" a relationship that is functional - on the surface. If you don't enable, they accuse you of not loving them, when the exact opposite is the truth.

Blerg. Now I am venting, too.

[lmggallagher]

Nicole & Dis -

Nicole that is such a good description of the manipulation they use. You nailed it - it's hard being put in the position of being rejected by these folks - but seriously it's too unhealthy to deal with again and again.

I think everyone can stop calling it whining - this forum is for the good and the bad both. It's all about support for whatever comes at us that USED TO BUT DOESN"T NOW keep us from doing the healthiest things for ourselves!!

Plus, there are a lot of lessons in these stories that we can all relate to on some level at some point in our lives. It's not fun to go through for sure, but writing it out for others sure gives us a look at what it is and how to avoid it or deal with it in the future!

[Chile]

Sorry you have to deal with that. I have a lot of family members who wish the same sort of enabling from me, and I used to do it, but I have stopped now. Oh! How they scream and cry and throw tantrums at HOW HORRIBLE I am.

This reminded me of a visit to my chiropractor last year. She refuses to get embroiled in her patients' drama. She told me about one guy who got so upset that she wouldn't get drawn in by his drama that he literally rolled around on the floor having a tantrum. This was an adult - perhaps in body but evidently not in emotions!

Hubby's just gone through the Stephen Covey course on 7 Habits for Highly Effective People. There's some interesting stuff in there about interpersonal relationship. I'm looking forward to learning more from him and the book he brought home.

[carollynne]

Dear Dis, glad to hear that you and wife are still going out together and eating a meal! and happy that you had something on the menu to eat too. That is a positive note, although the manipulations of all the rest is a bit dysfunctional... it must get old on her part, but she keeps trying to tweak your chain and when you don't react she tries another tactic. it is all ridiculous I know. Glad you are getting out to jog and are so successful at that. You are truly leading by example there. At the end of the day, you can feel good about doing what is right for yourself. You do not have to dance at the end of anyone's string ever! That is not a part of the marriage license. Some spouse do not want to change but enjoy the machinations of being the manipulator. You do a great job of rising above it all! Keep it all up.

[Dissolution]

nicoles There's no question we used to enable each other. Badly. Whenever I used to stop by the store on my way home from work, I would pick up whatever items we needed, but her shopping list always included the request for a surprise. Typically this was candy bars, little debbies, something like that. Now it's fruit or candles, she hasn't been happy with my selections lately. Did I mention that she dislikes most fruit?

lmggallagher I'm glad you don't see it as whining, cause sometimes it does feel like whining. Sometimes it feels like documenting. Sometimes it's venting anger. Regardless, I'm glad it can be of benefit to other people.

Chile I've heard the Covey course is very very good. Would be interesting to hear what if any parts could be applied to this lifestyle.

carollynne The wife used to say I had no self respect and I didn't love myself, now to listen to her, she's accusing me of being an ego-manacle super villain. Guess things have taken a turn for the better...Bwa-ha-ha-ha

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The trip to Pittsburgh is coming up on Saturday. It was the Wife's idea to invite my Mother to go along. I would not have done so, because they do things so differently sometimes. My Mother and my Sister (who is not going) will have thoroughly researched all shops and restaurants on "The Strip". My Mom will even most likely have already picked a dish from her candidate restaurants so she could estimate her WW points for the meal. My Sister might even have requests for items in some of the stores. I guess my Mom wants to make sure she doesn't miss anything.

My Wife on the other hand, gets angry about my Mom's tenancy to pre-plan stuff. The Wife likes to be impulsive, and unorganized. Knowing everything that is there before-hand would spoil the whole day for her. It should prove to be an interesting day.

Our friend will arrive in one week for Memorial Day weekend. I should probably have my "diet" information a little better organized, in case they are interested.

Have to go do stuff, happy Thursday!

[Caroveggie]

Good luck with the trip.

You could try making the surprise a McDougall legal treat. Although it wouldn't be bringing it home from the store, because you'd have to make it, but you could try making one of the desserts. Banana ice-"cream" is really yummy, apple crisp, or some McDougall muffins recipes are all in The Starch Solution. I've also made yummy brownies using applesauce and blended banana instead of oil and egg. Not sure how these would go over with your wife though.

[Dissolution]

Caroveggie I could give the wife an award winning cookie, and if she thought I had made it, or that it was vegan, she would instantly spit it out and claim that it tasted awful.

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The trip to Pittsburgh was nice. It was a beautiful day out. Since this was kind of a "foodie" trip, they served treats before getting on the bus, then breakfast on the bus, then more treats halfway to Pittsburgh and then another stop for treats on the way home. I packed oatmeal and bananas.

"The Strip" is pretty cool. It's probably best described as a whole-sale district that integrated with grocery/restaurant/retail over the course of decades. If I lived closer it would be a great place to buy produce and spices. There's lots of ethnic food, from the more traditional Pittsburgh eastern European to Indian and Jamaican.

I tried to go into one cheese shop and could not stand the smell, so I waited outside. I didn't even try to go into the decaying meat tube store. The bread places all smelled wonderful and the pasta places were very cool.

My Mother went with us, and had seen some restaurant with a fried fish sandwich that she was dying to have. So that's where we went for lunch. The place smelled fishy, so the wife (who hates fish) and I both ate side salads while my Mom ate this huge fish sandwich. We never did find another place to eat, but the wife snacked on pastries and sweets off and on all day. I ate a roll.

Several times on the bus trip the wife would mention very loudly about me being a vegan. I think she was trying to embarrass me or garner some support from the foodie crowd. It didn't seem to work. Later she got nasty about something, so I brought up all the stuff she hates. (broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, tomatoes, egg plant, bok choy, peppers, onions, spinach, kale, mangos, kiwi, oranges, olive oil, fish and most seafood) I think most people thought she was stranger than I was, a couple even commented to me.

We arrived back at our car around 8 pm. I asked the gentleman hosting the trip if he had any fast-casual restaurants he could recommend in the area, since I don't often eat in the Chambersburg, PA area. He suggested a small Italian place, so that's where we went.
I ordered pasta primavera, and explained to the waitress about the whole "vegan thing", which she understood. Sadly though, the amount of oil in my pasta was astounding. It was late, we needed to drop my Mother off, who was not feeling well, after a day of eating badly and polishing off the lion's share of the Wife's fried mushroom appetizer. So I ate the pasta anyways, trying my best to avoid the oil.

He's where I get frustrated. I weighed 220.0 on Thursday. I ate light on Friday, so I probably should have been down a little from that. I passed on treats all day long surrounded by people raving about what was being served. I did eat more oil, than I probably consume in a month, but I weighed in at 225 Sunday morning. Then 226 this morning, I just don't get it sometimes. I'm so tired of being in the 220's, feels like I'm cursed or something.

[carollynne]

ohmigosh, Dis, you were in my town, C-burg!! Was that Italian place, Mario's or Benny's or Chia Bella by any chance? Altho any of the Italian places, which are numerous, are just so oily and greasy, that I just gave up altogether. The oil slick on the plate is horrid to say the least I know what you mean with the numbers going up, when really they should have at least stayed the same!! phooey on them anyway. Just go with how you feel, it must be the water retention and sitting so long on a bus!
Your wife must love the attention she gets with her big one liners hoping for a tide wave of conversation or something.... good for you to announce what all shes hates then. Nice that you had a bit of support then....." fight fire with fire sometimes", as my mother used to say. How nice you mom came with too. at least it got you a side salad! Sounds like you day was a huge success. Truly the more you McDougall ( that is using a noun as a verb isn't it?) you just give up the restaurants and use all that extra cash on better and more veggies at the stores!
Going to see the Advengers with son and shop a bit too, will try to avoid the food court there, at this mall.... and the popcorn too

[Rosey]

Dis don't be discouraged. Any time I add any oils or tofu I end up gaining a little too. I've been trying to eat out as little as possible and have found places ahead of time I know I can eat at safely. Wish you had more support like I have now. My ex was sorta like your wife sounds. The support I have now is wonderful my hubby actually eats this way 99.9% of the time and if he catches his dad grumping about the way I eat he puts him in his place and tells him I'm doing it for my health leave me a lone. Nice feeling to have someone stick up for you instead of beat you down.

[carollynne]

wow, Rosey that is so cool. Your DH is very very supportive! wish they all could be, but they are just not! I love his approach, that is for your health, and that is it is a nutshell too. For our health!
Dis, just wait til the out of town guest arrive and get their first look at you! they will be so astounded! Now that will be worth all the wife's crummy comments/histrionics, and you can just smile and realize that you just do not need anyone else's approval at all! You know what is behind the current and cannot pretend you do not know ... heart attack city again, and next time you might not be so fortunate! Jeesh, right?
My Dh likes to tease me about how mustard is not good for me, or how I am going to help him eat his steak at the upcoming wedding etc. But really, today I happened to see a man and his wife and both were flabbergasted at my loss of so much wt. And they had both gained a lot!! woo-hoot!

[Dissolution]

carollynne I think we ate at Pat and Carla's. It's really funny sometimes, I think most people, even non vegan ones, can go through the produce section of a grocery store thinking what wonderful food. Not my wife, she thinks most of it is disgusting.

Did you enjoy The Avengers? I thought it was the best superhero movie I've ever seen.

I'm sure our friends will be shocked when they see me. As to what their reaction is to my new way of eating, my guess would be the wife will be a no. She has a limited palette, and some strange eating quirks. For instance, we went out to an expensive restaurant and she asked for hot tea, they brought her out a box of assorted teas. She sent them all back because they didn't have lipton (They had orange pico). The husband on the other hand isn't quite a quirky, at the same expensive restaurant he ordered his steak well done and the server actually winced, and then talked him into something else.

We'll see, should be interesting.

Rosey Ever done atkins? When you're in ketosis and you eat too many carbs, you go out of ketosis and pick up lots of water weight. It almost seems like that, but I have no explanation of why.

The wife is really funny (in the strange way). She'll pull stuff like she did on the bus, but them I over-heard her talking to her brother on the phone. She told him, "You're 130 pounds over-weight, of course you feel like crap. You should go on Dis's diet, he's lost 80 pounds and feels better than he has in decades."

Then she does stuff like buying a pound of jelly beans a couple of weeks ago. I remember her remarking, "Oh you could have these." I told her, "Yeah, but I don't want jelly beans." She bought them anyways, I assumed they were for her. They've been sitting in the same spot in the kitchen for a couple of weeks, so I asked her if she was going to eat them. She said, "I bought those for you." I said, "Oh....Thanks." Then quietly threw them away.

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The beast came out on Sunday. Maybe it was the fat from the Italian place. Maybe it was just mental. I had some chocolate and a bunch of other crap I shouldn't have eaten, mostly bread type products, and rice krispies. I made the meatless loaf recipe. Wow it was amazing. I decided to make it to see if I could feed it to the beast to calm it down. I ate the entire thing. It really was good.

I went back on plan Monday and was strict about it. Scale is back to where it was before this past weekend.

Anybody ever seen the movie "Defending Your Life"? In short, people on Earth only use 3% - 5% of their brain, and thus spend most of their time dealing with fear. When they die, their lives are evaluated to determine if they are ready to move to the next stage. The people doing the evaluating all use 45% or more of their brain. There's a scene where the 3%'er and the 48%'er are eating. The smart guy is eating something that looks really bad. The 3%'er asks what it is and is told he wouldn't understand or like it. He tries anyways and doesn't like it. This is what my life feels like. My friends and family are all fascinated by what I'm eating or am going to eat, but none of them like it or try it.

If you haven't seen the movie the above explanation probably only confused things.

I hope everybody has a good weekend.

[Rosey]

Yeah I did do atkins actually it put me in the hospital. I had to have surgery because of that diet.