Dissolution's Solution

[Adrienne]

Diss I agree with Debbie: I would bet that "T" never used the words "hated" or "crazy" and that your wife is exaggerating. You could always ask him.

Have you read the book The Pleasure Trap? If not I would highly recommend it, as it would help you understand why those around you continue to make dietary choices that are not in their best interest. The book is a favorite among many here, myself included.

[oregonmom]

Sounds to me like she's insecure. Imagine from her point of view, all of a sudden, you're getting healthy, loosing weight, looking and feeling better, but she's still the same. She's probably afraid of loosing you. It's too bad it's not motivation for her to make her own changes though. You know you are doing good so keep it up. We can't do things just to make others happy. Your health is worth more than that.

[carollynne]

Dis, you are doing so wonderfully well, I know we cannot change anyone but ourselves, but it is so tempting isn't it? I 'd say do not reply to any snide comments announcements from the DW and she might stop.... remove the reaction, and the actions stops... doesn't always work of course... My DH is on day 4 of fallowing McDougall, and I am still amazed. He is no doubt going to lose a ton of wt and for now I under weigh him, and our son too!! But he seems determined to try this, and so far so good. Good Luck, and do not give up.... not that you would, you have a big fan club here!

[fulenn]

I am quite skeptical about her tale of your friend saying he thought you were crazy and hated the food. Yeah, right. I would ask him, straight out. You know that she told your friends stuff behind your back about you that was not true; it is an easy leap to believe that she is doing the same to you about them. As for everybody thinking she is stupid, well, not because she isn't ready to change her eating habits, but certainly I think she is quite immature for trying to manipulate you in such an obvious and cheap manner. My DH and I have had many problems over the years, to the point that our children asked us once if we might get a divorce; but he has never failed to listen when I asked that we do things that might help me recover from an illness that I have, and according to the doctors, this diet is a last try to get a miracle. (Won't they be surprised....) I have always believed that love is far more than an emotion, that it encompasses our actions towards and thoughts about our loved one. Not sure the love is being shown to you.

Don't lose this drive that you have to be healthy! We can only make our own choices and you have seen that.

Fulenn

[carollynne]

Fuelen-- I really like what you just said here! So true, love is not just an emotion, it is a lot of the attitude and actions that we show to others!
Dis, your wife may surprise you one day or not. You cannot let her behavior deter you from your goal of good health. And I suspect that you will not. You are very determined and that is how you have succeeded in your business life. Very odd how what will work in business can not be carried over to our very personal lives at the same time.
Hope you day is a shining good one!!

[JennieZ]

I have the same problem. The people I talk to think that there is no way that they can eat a starch based diet or, I'm sure, think I'm eccentric in my food habits and my over-zealous nature in talking about them. I always start the conversation sharing the exciting news I have found that is helping me lose weight, look better, and feel healthier, thinking that they will be excited to learn about it. Instead I end with an uncomfortable feeling between myself and the person I was talking to. It's always the case. I am glad we have this discussion board where we can read about and talk with people who are like minded so we don't feel like we're the weird ones.

[Dissolution]

Debbie Despite all of the bad behavior my wife exhibits, lying is not really something she'll do, especially on something I could easily check up on. I don't really have any reason to doubt he feels that way, it was pretty much to be expected. Did she possible goad him into saying what he did, or just make the statement and have in agree to it, yeah that's possible. But in the end it doesn't really change much. "T" said he wanted more information, I asked if he had Netflix, and he did. I told him he should watch "Forks Over Knives" and then we could talk more about it. He hasn't said anything yet, and I don't want to seem too pushy and risk damaging our friendship.

When she does mention to people that I am vegan, she will sometimes follow up with my weight loss numbers, like she is proud of me, so it is hard to figure out what her purpose is.

Also, you guys mostly just hear from me when I'm venting. Things can get frustrating around here, and even annoying, but it's never really hell. Hell was where I was before discovering this way of eating.

VegSexy I could never get the wife to a counselor, or mental help professional. She has a pretty large disdain for regular doctors, I'd probably get banned from the forums if I expressed her opinions of psychiatrists and psychologists.

I think the reason they try to sabotage us is they feel guilty. They see what we are doing and decide that can't or won't so in order to make themselves feel better, they try to bring us down. #2 son is a perfect example of this. He knows this way of eating works, he knows how much better he feels, but he tried to be moderate and only eat "bad" food once in a while, it kept happening more and more. Now he's completely off, has gained 12 pounds and it would be easier for him to feel better if I went off my "diet" than for him to get back on. Irregardless of my feelings that this "diet" has saved my life, he's not consciously trying to kill me, he's subconsciously trying to make himself not feel like a failure.

♥ Amy ♥ Welcome back! I'm honored my journal was so high on your priority list.

I think I have decided that the subject of one's diet is more personal that their religious or political views. My wife can get spun up just by seeing someone else's bumper sticker, is it any wonder that food seems to make her so crazy.

nicoles Thanks!

Norm I think "irrationally insecure" is the perfect term for it. She's always been hyper jealous. I had a business meeting Yesterday morning and she was super suspicious. Wanted to know if either of the two people I was meeting with was female, stuff like that. Said I was sneaking around.

Heck, we've had fights because she didn't think I was jealous enough. I just explained to her that my ultimate goal in our relationship was for her to be happy, and if she decided that she would be happier with someone else, then I wouldn't try to stop her. I also explained that if she ever decided to have an affair and I found out, she would have to leave the house.

AlwaysAgnes I was almost always one of the fattest people in a room, building, grocery store, restaurant. I never noticed other fat people, or skinny people for that matter. Now i see the fat people. Oh yeah, I know I'm still fat, but I see it everywhere now. It's more noticeable to me in grocery stores or restaurants, where you can see their food choices. I might have even mentioned this guy once, I was at Wendy's. Big guy, close to 400, walks from his car, has to lean against the building and rest for a couple of minutes, makes his way to the order line, has to lean on the railing while he orders multiple hamburgers (baconators I think). It's sad, it's tragic, but I understand it, and I also realize there's nothing I could do. Except maybe get myself slim, cause there's nothing worse than dietary advice from fat people.

Adrienne Maybe I will order that book. I've seen parts of his lectures, and I respect his work immensely, but I dislike his speaking style, so I have a hard time watching him.

oregonmom Oh yeah, no question she is insecure. Her best argument against me is me changing is not fair to her. That this more active lifestyle that I am moving towards is not what she signed up for, because it's not who I was 15 years ago. I tell her I know, but it's who I've always wanted to be. At that point she generally just starts crying.

carollynne I am so pulling for your DH to be successful with this way of eating!

fulenn

I have always believed that love is far more than an emotion, that it encompasses our actions towards and thoughts about our loved one.

I like that sentiment a lot.

JennieZ I know, I know...

Me last Fall: I've discovered this amazing secret on how to be healthy and lose weight and reverse diabetes and heart disease and so many other things. All you have to do is eat no animal products and maintain a very low fat, plant based, starch centered diet.

Me now: Yes, I'm a vegan. I've lost 85 pounds, gotten rid of diabetes, angina, sleep apnea and dropped my cholesterol dramatically. Well it works for me.

Me next year: Yes I'm a vegan, now leave me alone.

Me in 5 years: Grrrrrrrrrrr

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In the car Yesterday, the Wife mentioned that she noticed that I seemed to be more opposed to dairy than I was to meat. I told her it was simple, that she could show me in nature, where 1000's of other species ate meat, granted none of them cooked it or needed knives to cut it, but still they ate it. But she couldn't show me another species on the planet that consumed dairy after adulthood and from another species. Also that i felt dup'ed, because I had bought into the dairy industry's lies about humans NEEDING milk products to get enough calcium. I finished with, isn't it funny that the countries with the highest dairy consumption are also the countries with the highest rates of osteoporosis.

When we got home a rare thing occurred, we cooked dinner at the same time. She wanted to make BBQ's ribs, so I made the seitan ribs. I cooked some white rice in my new rice cooker. She added mushrooms, cheese and eggs to her and finished it off in the frying pan, I stir fried mine with mushrooms in water with a little soy sauce.

Earlier in the day she had been attempting to make maraschino cherries from scratch, but had over salted them during the brining stage. She added some cooked potatoes into the cherries in a fresh bath to try and pull some salt out. So I wound up grilling cherry juice stained potatoes on the grill, they were good. BTW she wound up making a cherry BBQ sauce with the over salted cherries, it's amazing.

While we were both cooking together, she asked me if I ever missed her cooking. I told her yes, I think she is a great cook. We just currently disagree on ingredients.

Leaving tomorrow for a bowling tournament / golf outing for the weekend with #2 and #3. Should be interesting. I'm pretty pissed at #3, his car is not running right and he keeps wanting to borrow mine, instead of taking his somewhere to get it fixed. He starts a new job in a week. He said he was going to quit his current job last night. I told him he should give two weeks notice. The Wife said that's not really done anymore, and it's an old fashioned mentality. I don't know? Either way, it's not like #3 has money to burn, he could have used the money. So he went in and quit on the spot. I just hope he's not expecting me to pay his way this weekend, or he's going to have a bad time.

I have no clue about food choices. I should probably prepare something to take, just in case. Although, it's not like I just began this way of eating. I can make do, just about anywhere. I don't worry about that stuff anymore, like I used to.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

[carollynne]

Hey Dis, thanks for the good thoughts on my DH! this is Day 6 for him, and he is doing great, except he still likes to drink sierra mist , but oh well, no more animal products and I say, one battle at a time is enough. So happy he has joined us and I never thought Id say that ever!!
Hopefully your DW will join you too. She will no doubt after a huge health crisis comes her way. That is what will take.
Have a great day!

[fulenn]

I'm sorry if my comments were too harsh about your wife! I do forget that we mostly hear the venting. Just want to see you being treated well and hearing the congratulations and getting the support that you deserve. I am glad that there are more good moments happening.

Fulenn

[Rosey]

Your wife's reaction to our way of eating reminds me of my sister. She was going on and on when we were at her churches potluck this last sunday because I wouldn't eat the veggies that were there other then the green beans because they all had butter/oil on them. She didn't see how I could want to eat them without the butter and/or oil on them. I kinda chuckled when she told me the oil didn't make her sick and then after about maybe 5 bites started talking about how sick healthy food made her feel. She quit eating it and went and got sugar junk. I told her it's not the healthy food doing it it's the oils she's spreading all over it.

[VegSexy]

It does sound like your wife is a very good cook and knows her methods very well. I've taken cooking classes at a college level and you can really improve your skills in the kitchen.

What's the chances of sharing her cherry BBQ sauce recipe? That sounds incredibly tasty and I would love to try making such.

I guess you are right about the sabatogers. The more I think about, the more I think they don't have it in them to support us or to follow along. Sad, but then again, it makes me chuckle that they don't cause all we're trying to do is make our lives and theirs better!! Silly rabbits!!

[Debbie]

Yes, sorry if if mine were also harsh. We all need to vent.

Her best argument against me is me changing is not fair to her. That this more active lifestyle that I am moving towards is not what she signed up for, because it's not who I was 15 years ago. I tell her I know, but it's who I've always wanted to be. At that point she generally just starts crying.

Have you ever asked her why its fair for you to live with someone who isnt even willing to try? Why its fair to you to worry endlessly over 300+ blood sugars? Is it fair to you to have a wife who can not do anything other than her current life (style) allows?

Then ask if she signed up to have a husband have a major heart attack. Did she sign up to have a husband dead in the ground after, what, 20 years of marriage?

Of course change doesnt seem fair, especially when youre not the one doing the changing. But everything....EVERYTHING changes. Her life changed when she got married, had one child then another and another. Her life changed when she married you. Whats unfair is for her to not change along with you but at the same time hold you back from living at the same time.

Hopefully one day she'll turn around and at least try. Not sure what she so scared of.

[Adrienne]

I understand what you mean regarding Doug Lisle's speaking style. However, it has improved over the years and IMO the last ASW lecture was the best I had heard of him, in terms of presentation style. That being said though the book he co-authored with Dr Alan Goldhammer is rather enlightening. Everyone seems to love the book and I think you would appreciate it. It's also a quick and easy read.

[didi]

Making her own maraschino cherries--and a cherry barbecue sauce? Holy Cow!! Wouldn't you be one lucky and well fed man if you could enlist her to come up with and cook fat free plant based meals. I often have a hard time finding great plant based fat free recipes to entice my family with. Just not creative enough in the kitchen to come up with my own really good ones but rely on recipes I come across. I would think your wife would love the challenge of discovering new plant based recipes to wow crowds.

Bye the way--I read once that a guy responsible for hiring chefs had them make a soup for him. He claimed anyone could make a fancy dessert or meat dish but a really creative person should be able to make a fantastic soup. Requires a lot more creativity he claimed.

Didi

[Chile]

While we were both cooking together, she asked me if I ever missed her cooking. I told her yes, I think she is a great cook. We just currently disagree on ingredients.

I love the way you put that!