Journal of my journey

[Lyndzie]

Thank you so much for posting to your notes from the talk. My resolve often falters when I’m tired. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever had a 66 day stretch of 100%. I’ve definitely gone a solid 30, but then there is always a birthday or holiday or something. The psychological part is really the hardest aspect to this way of eating. Best to you.

[Morris]

March 19, 2019

I have to make this a quick post, I lost what I was going to post through a hit the wrong key on my keyboard. But my last post and yesterday's events caused me to think of this article:
https://jamesclear.com/willpower-decision-fatigue

Decision fatigue - I think that explains a lot on why I cannot seem to follow through with my wanting to stay on plan with my eating. It think that not only am I physically tired but I am mentally tired also and do not want to expend extra energy making decisions. It think this gives me some hope that I will be able to get my way through this.

I just need to:
1. plan ahead of time what I need to do.
2. Prioritize what needs to be done first
3. Stop trying to make daily decisions and start committing to certain behaviors - IOW "Just Do IT!"
4. Don't let myself get too hungry later in the day - that way I can overcome the later in the day bingeing
5. Simplify - I need to stop making this way of eating so difficult.

[Morris]

March 21, 2019

I am in a state of mind where I am not much caring to make an effort to do much of anything. I have not exercised, that is, done intentional exercise, for about 1 week now. I am too busy and not getting enough "me" time. It struck me the other day, as I was doing something for some one else, that I am not taking time to do what I need to do for me, myself and I.

I told D2 once when she asked me to do something for her that I could not do it because I was frazzled. Now, she keeps calling me and asking if I can do this or that for her. Then hubby volunteers to do something, which turns out to be more work for me. But then, hubby has that habit of saying he has done or will do things when the reality is that some one else does the actual work.

And I am frustrated beyond belief with everyone around me, except for GD2, she is so precious. She is so expressive and says the funniest things. Hubby has a friend that is moving and he is the type that just throws things out rather than deal with it. Well, he had all his stuff thrown in the garage and told hubby, "If you want any of this come and get because I am throwing it out. So, we drove some 3 hours to go see what "treasures" we could get. On the positive note: We now have a freezer on the bottom double door refrigerator, mid-size freezer and I now have an awesome bicycle - he bought it 1-1/2 years ago and said he only put about 5 miles on it. OMG! My test run of it made me think that my bike I bought from Costco is a piece of junk. I am not that far from the Paul Bunyan Trail - Does anyone hear "Bike trip" in my future?

But, any ways, back to GD2, she was watching her parents and me take things out of the garage and load it onto the trailer and in the car, and wanted to get in on the action. She grabs an empty outdoor umbrella box (three times her height) and declares, "I am taking this for me," as she drags it out to the car. LOL - forget the "stuff", take that empty box.

I am not compliant with my eating at all - I am getting my mind set to starting over again and timing it with the start of the running class that will begin next week. I think I need this extra time to get my attitude ready for the JUST DO IT! mode. I came to the realization that I am letting others dictate my time and activities and I am not doing what is best for me.

Hubby is thinking about planting the garden - read here I do all the work and he says "he" planted a garden. Part of my frustration is that he takes all the credit for what I do. Sometimes, I think we are living in two different realities. I told him that I wanted to take this summer off from gardening and don't want to tend to it as much. I think it is because these past few years we have not had good crops - last year we had no spring, right after the late snow melted, it was hot. So the garden was planted late. Now, that we have our other property back, we have to get that land prepped for a garden. D1 and SIL totally ruined it for gardening -- even though they had a farmer's market business where they were selling vegetables - I never seen or heard of farmers who planted the seed and then just left it be. D1 often let the crops get overgrown with weeds. SIL was too busy doing other things and left that up to D1. The weeds are a nightmare up there. We have to start from scratch to get the ground ready for veggies again. I am so glad they are gone!

This summer I just want to focus on the garden that we have at the cabin. I have been amending that soil for years and a few years ago I noticed worms in it. I was so happy that our garden had worms. We have had good luck with growing squash, kale, a shade variety of lettuce, and green beans. I tried radishes, but something always eats the tops. Carrots are hit and miss - last year I planted the rainbow variety and the first planting did not do anything so, since GS2 loves the colored carrots, I replanted. I got a decent crop from them, but it is a lot less work to buy a 5-pound bag from Costco. But nothing can beat that home-grown taste. Corn does not grow well in this plot, I think it is too shaded and I don't want to deal with potato bugs again.

I cannot wait til I can get that garden planted - there is something about getting down on my hands and knees and running the dirt through my fingers. It is so relaxing - but then it is "me" time. Even as a teenager, my mom gave me a choice - clean the house or go out and weed the garden - I always picked weeding the garden. There were 9 of us and no one else liked to weed the garden.

Also, this summer I am going to explore other state parks. I cannot wait to go camping. Costco had a self-inflating mattress with a R-value of 6.9. SCORE! I want to start camping early this year to get some cool weather camping experience, hopefully before the mosquitoes come out in full force. Plus, then I'd be comfortable camping when the fall colors are at peak. I also found a down jacket on clearance for $5.00. I think I have my gear for cooler weather camping, I even found a light weight back pack on clearance at Walmart, now I just need to get the bravery to try backpacking to a remote site. I am not quite there - I am going to pick a park that has some sites but use the main campground as a base and just carry my gear on my back - gotta be brave in the daytime first.

We have been dehydrating meals for me to take on my trips so all I'll have to do is boil water and re-hydrate. It is going to be so fun. GD1 wants to go back to the park where we did our first camping trip. She asked to go last year, but the park was flooded in the spring time and the trails were closed. Last fall we hiked to a couple of backpacking sites just to check them out and she said she wanted to try - we'll see. She is now working so she may not have the time.

Well, I have to start my day. I just looked out the window and saw how much the snow has melted and told myself, "Forget the treadmill, I am going to do my first run on the road this season." So, off I go, hoping for at least a 2-miler.

I am really hoping to be getting my eating back on track - these extra pounds are not comfortable. Funny, I am at my set-point of teenage and early adult and am not comfortable. I just feel bloated all the time. I need to get those veggies back in my eating plan. So, after my run, Hubby is making me a smoothie - not the best, but at least it will be full of greens.

I want to make a batch of the Quinoa Lentil Blend that I saw in the cookbook by Kelly Pfeiffer, "Superfood Weeknight Meals" because she puts that in a variety of meals - a great way to sneak those legumes in a variety of dishes. She has that blend in so many recipes, even desserts.

[Morris]

March 23, 2019

Pleasant surprise - I actually lost since my last weigh in on my new scale - it is a digital that has an app, and I am down since my last weigh in on that scale. Down on the other scale also. Must be because that run I took yesterday turned out to be 5.5 miles instead of 2.

It was only 34° but the sun was shining and the wind was calm, it felt so good to be outside running again. But, my legs are screaming at me today. GS2 arrived just as I returned to the driveway so I did not stretch properly.

On my running route, I discovered someone has a new puppy - looked like a pit-bull cross - darn thing was about 3 feet behind me when I heard the owner call out. I am glad my quick turn around scared the dog more than it scared me because it turned around on a dime. But it scolded me as it ran back to the house. My pepper spray came out of my pocket after that.

Now, there are 2 dogs in the neighborhood I need to be concerned about. Recall the one that attacked my dog.

Yesterday, I ate much better:
I had my coffee

butternut squash
black beans
spinach

Then went to a Mexican place where they do mostly water with little oil saute for their veggies. I had the vegetable bowl: rice, beans, pepper and onion mix, mushrooms, then topped it off with the veggies.

But, then I munched on blue corn tortilla chips - fortunately, they were cayenne pepper ones so I did not pig out on them. I don't like super spicy hot foods.

We saw my parents yesterday. They are planning to put the house on the market soon. Such a difficult stage of life at the moment. MY dad is in rough shape now and seems to be going downhill fast. He has shrunk so much. He went from 6'2" to 5'6-1/2". His neck is so weak now that he cannot hold his head up any more.

They are looking into a assisted living/nursing home for when the house is sold, but if they cannot get in to the one they want, they will move in with us until there is an opening. At least that is one thing they won't have to worry about. The only bad thing is that we don't have TV here so no Dr. Phil for my mother --

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
My version of Rip's Big Bowl cereal with cashew/hemp milk

Soup and sandwich for lunch - I am going to make a batch of Lentilogna (see recipe for MrDuzee1, on youtube) It is just red lentils, tomato sauce, and seasonings.

For dinner I am planning on a pasta with vegetables with a white sauce (fatfreevegan's recipe for guide)

[Morris]

March 25, 2019

Tonight is first of the running class I join every year. I always sign up for the beginner class so I can run with a group of other runners. Every one in the advanced class run too fast for me to keep up with them. Heck, one of them is a three-time Boston Marathoner. No way am I going to keep up with them!!

So, slow poke me signs up for the beginning class just so I can run with other people once a week. GD1 called last night and asked if I could pick her up from school on Wednesday so she can spend the night (I'll have to see that she gets to school the next day.) We talked about the running class and D1 and SIL agreed to let her join the class also - so, we'll get to see GD1 every week for a couple of months.

I listened to Joel Fuhrman's interview from the Mastering Diabetes Summit, boy did he slam the "vegan gurus that promote a low-fat diet" saying how they are harming people by telling them not to include nuts and seeds. He did not mention names, but I think we know who is referring to. He kept talking about how we need DHA and zinc supplements and of course, vitamin B12. I was surprised he did not tell us to go to his website to purchase the DHA supplements. He made a couple of jokes and when the hosts did not laugh, he had to tell them when he was making a joke.

I dunno, even though I have most of his books, I really don't like the guy. But reading his material has made me focus more on eating more nutrient dense foods for the most part. And his book Fast Food Genocide has really given me "food for thought' as to why to avoid fast foods. Now if I can just stop with the junk food that I seem to have a special attachment to. My take away from his talk is that the longer we eat more nutrient and close to the natural state foods and stay away from the overly processed foods, the easier it is and the less desire you will have to want to eat it. Now, if only I can break up with potato chips.

Although one time I craved those chips, but had none in the house but had some steamed potatoes. So, I just had a bowl of potatoes with some salt on then and then wondered why I do not do this whenever I crave those Lays -- oh, yeah, it's because of the "I betcha you cannot eat just one" I have fallen into the web and got stuck = I need to break free.

I am going to start adding a bit of strength training to my running. I am going to use Jillian Micheal's 30 Day shred routine because I know that I can get through the half hour. I love the 3-2-1 method she uses. But it is a good routine that I can follow along. I have been making too many excuses for too long.

The other day, I saw an article on the cartoon strip Cathy and how she had a struggle with food addiction and blamed others when she ate more that she should have. That is what I have been doing - using the excuse that so and so frustrated me and that is why I binged on such and such food. No, I ate it because I chose to do so.

These past two years have been so frustrating for me and my not being able to commit to eating better. Every time I do well, I sabotage myself and go on a binge. It is so stoopid. It does not make me feel better, not does it solve any problem I am having at the moment.

The first time I started the Beck Diet Solution, I really struggled with those sabotaging thoughts and often when I'd be standing in front of the candy case and was asked if I could be helped; I respond with, "I am having a dialogue inside my head at the moment and I need to see which voice will win." Back then the voice of reason would win and I'd walk out of the store without buying anything. But lately - there is no dialogue, I just give in the wrong voice and weaken my resistance muscles (as Judith Beck says).

That is why I am going to add some strength training - a physical exercise to help me with the mental exercises I need to get strong in. Besides, that first time through, I did the 30 day shred. I was committed to doing that and following the diet plan. No junk for quite some time.

I am thinking that 5.5 miles I ran the other day and the soreness I experienced the next day is motivating me to get my act together. I want to be strong again.

So, today I am starting my day with:
Coffee
cream of wheat with blueberries

Leftover vegetable soup
sweet potato
black beans
spinach

mashed potatoes
mushroom gravy
salad
corn

Let's see how I do today with my plan...

[Morris]

March 26, 2019

I am terrible with meal planning -only made it through breakfast yesterday and that was because I ate it before I typed in what I was going to eat. But, I did not do too bad, with the exception of some chocolate chip cookies. I had made a batch when GS2 was here over the weekend. Hubby seems to be stashing some whenever I make them. He offered me a cookie and I took 3. Other than that, I had leftover vegetable soup with lentilogna sandwich (lettuce and guacamole)

Then, since it was the first night of running class and I had some bed linen to wash, I went to town. In the back of my mind I was thinking Peanut Buster Parfait from the DQ. Instead, while the linen was in the washer, I walked around town. At the running class, when we started running, a lady starts telling me she made a mistake by signing up for the advanced class because all those who signed up just took off. So, I told her that I'd run with her. So, I may have joined the advanced class last night- I actually ran for 30 minutes without stopping. It has been a long time since I have done that because I usually stop and walk (I do the run/walk method). It was nice having someone to run alongside of me. After class, I had the thought "Peanut Buster Parfait" pop into my head - I ignored it.

Afterwards,when I returned home, I just had a bowl of cereal and a banana.

I did my first 30 Day shred yesterday, keep in mind I was still sore from that 5.5 miler, and this morning it is not just my legs screaming at me but my stomach and arms as well. I admit, it hurts so good --- it is so different from those joint aches and pains I want to keep at bay.

I am hoping to get with it and start eating better while I train for my 10k that will be at the end of April. Last year I had my best time and I am thinking of trying to beat that this year. But I need to eat and train better -- with a purpose. Maybe, just maybe, this will be what will finally motivate me.

For today I am planning to eat:
coffee
Riced Cauliflower oatmeal with berries, flax seed

Engine 2's Yummy Yam and Yellow Split Pea soup
Happy Herbivore's Corn bread (I believe her recipe is somewhere in the newsletters)

Mashed potatoes
Mushroom gravy
broccoli

Exercise - 1 session of 30 Day shred
walk to ease my muscles that are screaming at me

Let's see how I do today...

[bunsofaluminum]

Do you have the recipe for the Yummy Yam and Yellow Split Pea soup? It sounds way scrumptious!

[Morris]

The Yummy Yam Yellow Split Pea Soup was so good! I found the recipe in the Engine 2 cookbook and since it is a published recipe in a book I don't feel right about posting it here. But I did a search and Susan Voisin has a similar recipe:
https://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2006/10/yellow-split-pea-soup-with-sweet.html The Engine 2 version adds carrots

I still have to make those mashed potatoes and gravy. I ended up making a "Creamy" Broccoli Soup and used potato to thicken it, I made extra for the mashed but hubby added some to the Yellow Split Peas so there was not enough. Hubby wanted just a salad for supper, I didn't want that so I had peanut butter and jelly toast. So, I actually made it through 2 of my planned meals; had the broccoli for lunch instead of dinner.

My walk to "rest" my legs turned into a 3 mile hike on the snowmobile trails through the woods. It was a slow walk since the path was melting snow, got my feet wet a couple of times when I fell through. My legs are still hurting from that 5 miler because I have not really given them a complete rest. I have learned in the past to not do any activity makes the recovery take longer. I'll just have to make sure I eat more beans to make sure I get enough protein

The snow in our area is melting at a good rate and is being absorbed into the ground. Now that we have access to the rest of our property I am scouting out a place to set up my "campsite". But it is not the same as being away from home and camping. Hubby is saying that I ought to spend more time camping this summer - I cannot wait to go to different parks. I want to be a bit more adventurous and try to do a back packing trip. But I am nervous about being alone in the woods at night. I am going to pick a park with lots of trails and set up a base camp and hike out during the day. Unless we eat those leftovers of the Yellow Split Pea, I am thinking of dehydrating a batch for my camping meal.

My meal plan for today:
coffee
Riced Cauliflower Oatmeal with berries, flax

Leftover split pea soup
cornbread
salad

mashed potato
mushroom gravy
Brussels Sprouts
corn

Make a batch of Lentilogna to have on hand so I'll have an alternative to peanut butter and jelly

Exercise
Day 3 of the 30 Day shred
running class - track workout if the track is free of snow

[Morris]

March 29, 2019

Yesterday was a bust for eating on plan. I had to bring my granddaughter to school and that threw my routine off - not that I have one, but my morning coffee was interrupted. Not complaining though because I signed up for it. She is going to come to running class once a week now - so I guess I better get moving earlier into my routine.

That yellow split soup makes awesome leftovers - for lunch yesterday I had a huge bowl of it with some corn bread and Brussels Sprouts.

Then hubby had a meeting in town and expected me to drive - so we ate at Perkins and both ordered the potato pancakes.

Then I gave in to cravings while waiting - for no reason other than just because I wanted to eat that Peanut Buster Parfait, Corn Chips and Potato chips -- I feel horrible this morning and I am hoping I have it out of my system. Because April 1st, I am starting anew. I will practice these next few days.

I am letting my frustration get to me - I worked in the cabin yesterday morning cleaning up some jars that we emptied from canning that was old, too old to want to eat it. It took me all morning to wash and dry the jars. I went up to have some lunch and hubby sits down and talks and talks and talks. I started the conversation about something and instead of building on it, he turns the topic to something he heard and then somehow the topic became all about him. It was so hard for me to enjoy my meal because my mind was so distracted. Sometimes, after I spend hours working and I sit down for a meal, I want to enjoy it in silence, but it seems to conflict with his need to talk.

It is just that hubby and I are on the opposite ends of the spectrum in our personalities - he is an extrovert and loves having attention, while I prefer to be quiet and observe the surroundings. He has more of a need to talk while I prefer those comfortable silence times. Even if I have my ear buds in my ears (pretending to be listening to my mp3 player), he still talks and talks and talks. It wouldn't be so bad if we could have actual conversations, but nope, he has to take control and be like the energizer bunny and go on and on and on and on and on and on and on...and it always turns to him and some accomplishment that he did - and I must say that I have already heard it a couple of times before -

Man, I hope I get this frustration out of my system. I know he is not going to change. I should mention that our earlier years of marriage we were always apart - his job had him away from home a lot of the time. I liked that way, I had more "me" time and the times we were together were different because he wasn't dealing with chronic pain all the time. Plus I think he is getting over some of the stress/anger that D1 and SIL caused us and I am still struggling with letting go. But my takeaway from yesterday is "Eat Crap Feel Like Crap!" I was feeling so good til I let my frustrations get the best of me.

I spent some time outdoors yesterday. In anticipation for spring weather - I cleaned out the fire pit and the little shelter I have set up on top of the hill we use for sliding - I spotted a quail checking it out. I wonder if it is nesting close by, if so, I hope I did not disturb it too much.

I saw a post on the Engine 2 Rescue facebook page with Amy Mackee's post on camping food mixes with dehydrated foods. I have some of those packages of beans and veggies - I am going to prepare some of the meals she has provided and then use her recipes as a guide and get my meals ready for camping. Her combinations looked so much better than the sample recipes given with the product. I want to go to a site where I have to hike in, but I am already wimping out and am thinking of using the main campground as a base and just day hike out to wherever the campsites are just to check them out. I pick the weekdays for my camping because most people camp on the weekends so the parks are pretty quiet during the week. I am "almost alone in the woods" that way. I think I will pick a few hike-in spots where I'll be away from my car to mimic the hike to the campsite feeling and to get used to the being more in the woods type of feeling.

I watched a video on youtube where she was on the show Alone season 3 and 4. I have not seen the show but I like her videos - she is so happy and always has a smile on her face. She ends her videos with "Get Outside and Be Happy." That is some good advice that I intend to take.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with berries

Yellow split pea soup - I think that what is left will need to go into the freezer.
salad

??

I need to work on my snacking and instead of grabbing junk, I out to grab some fruit and/or vegetables.

[bunsofaluminum]

I feel for you, with that chatty man. It's nice having someone who doesn't always talk, though having an actual conversation once in a while would be nice, which I do not have in my man. But I'd rather have it this way. The guys I've known who do like to talk...refreshing while we dated. But I can see where it would get old. Sometimes, especially with your love for camping and hiking...it's nice sometimes to just walk together quietly out in the hills and forests. Talking non-stop...ugh.

I hope you get a chance to get out in the more remote camping areas, and thank you for the recipe. I hope to make it this weekend.

[Morris]

March 30, 2019

March is almost over and we still have some snow on the ground but so far the ground seems to be soaking it up so it is not too wet. On Thursday, my mom called to see if I was coming into town. I forgot that I told her I'd come in weekly to help them with the housework. She told to never mind, but guilt got to me. So I went to town yesterday and cleaned the house for them.

While I was doing the dishes, I noticed that my dad now has to have tubes on his silverware to help him hold the spoons and forks. He shakes so much now. Did I mention that is in now in his medical file that he has Parkinson's. Plus, my mom was in the computer room and my dad and I were standing in the hallway talking with her and I happened to glance at the mirror on the wall at the end of the hallway. I am now taller than my dad. He was 6'2'' I am about 5'5" -- that means he has shrunk another inch or so. But, he is so weak now that he cannot stand straight and his head hangs down.

But my dad, independent old cuss, when asked if he needed me to do anything, "I can do it." Although he did ask me to help bring in some wood from the garage. He tries to keep moving because we all have memories of my grandpa, his dad, wasting away the last few years of his life. That was so hard.

On the more upbeat, I called one of my sisters and got together with her for a cup of coffee. We had a real nice talk. It has been awhile since we got together on a regular basis. Got some good news about my niece - no bone cancer.

I am currently doing the Amerithon - a virtual trek across the Untied States and yesterday, when I logged my miles in, I got the congratulations that I just earned the first medal piece. Finally!!! I am so far behind in my goal mileage, but I am going to just keep on keepin' on with it and add each of my intentional mileage to the tracker. On my run the year challenge I only have 1, 579 miles to go. I was planning on including stationary bike miles, but I got lazy these past 2 months and am now about 200 miles behind schedule.

I was thinking this morning that I am getting tired of this defeatist attitude I have about my eating plan and I think I need to get serious about it. I have so many recipes, on my computer and in cookbooks, that I am thinking of myself as a recipe hoarder. But, I need to start making some of them and getting my list of favorites. So, I can start a rotation and make meal planning easier.

I have found that what works best for me is to cook a batch of something that will last no more than 3 days. Dinner and 2 lunches seems to be the best plan. But, planning ahead seems to bring out the rebel in me, so I think I will be need to proceed with caution and only plan for a day or two at a time. Pantry, refrigerator, and freezer all have the individual components that I need. I am hoping to do one meal at time, then one day at a time, then one week at a time, then one month at a time, etc.

I have had long enough to get my act together --

My meal plan for today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with fruit and flaxseed

Vegetable Chowder
Vegetable macaroni
pinto beans
salad with sweet kale

Creamy skillet spaghetti

Exercise plan:
30 day shred
bike or run session -
Rake yard a bit - just to think about spring and enjoy being outdoors

[Lyndzie]

Hi Nancy. I was reading old posts and came across this one about food for hiking and camping. Did not know if you had seen it before, but thought it had some good ideas for your trips. viewtopic.php?t=6207#p42608

[Morris]

April 5, 2019

?? I have been typing posts for a couple of days now, but they don't seem to be here. I must have timed out, but did not notice and so my last couple of posts are out there somewhere. Probably best that way, because I have not been in a very good mood and have been non-compliant with my eating. The posts were vents.

Lyndzie thanks for the link. I seriously think that I am going to wimp out on the backpacking portion of my camping this summer, but will definitely do car camping and just do day hikes. Too be honest, being in the woods at night creeps me out. I do fine in the day, but I get scared at night. One of the tips for camping solo in the woods is to be close to your vehicle, that way if you get scared you can at least run to the vehicle. I think that is what I will do, a couple of parks have hike in sites with parking only about 200' away, so I will have the vehicle close by if I need to access it. Except there is one that I want to do, and it is 1.25 mile in but on a well traveled path - on a lake, it is an awesome spot for pictures. D2 said she wants to do it, but she is not physically fit and won't be able to carry a pack - so we'd have to cart in our stuff.

Bad news about GS1 - he had another Gran Mal Seizure. I don't know much about epilepsy but I think I need to learn. I have 4 grandchildren and three of them are on medication for one thing or another.

the countdown for the 10k I am doing at the end of the month is beginning. Time for me to get serious with my eating and training. It seems if I don't get my run in first thing in the morning I get too busy. I let other things have priority. It is easier for me to get on track with my exercise plan than it is with my eating plan. I cannot figure out why I cannot get with it this time.

In the past, when hubby was on board, it was easier - I think that I am using that for an excuse as to why I cannot do it and give in too easily and too often. I need to have determination to eat better. Just last night, I was discussing with hubby on how I want to make some dishes that use the same ingredients, but different flavor profile. This is basically the 7 Day rescue plan - bulk cook and then change the flavor for different meals.

The other day, I was with D2 and had to wait while they were at the clinic, I was hungry so I went to the cafe and they were serving an Indian dish - I had Basmati rice, Lentil Sweet Potato dish, topped with a cabbage carrot salad, corn salsa and a cilantro dressing - simple ingredients, put together in a way that created a party in my mouth. I need to do things like that to keep things interesting and exciting.

So, I am going to go through my cookbooks (The Engine 2 Cookbook, Vegan Richa's Indian Cookbook, and Forks Over Knives Flavor Cookbook) and see what I can make for sauces and salsas to top some rice and beans or potatoes and lentils. Well, I need to get started on some meal planning....

[Morris]

April 6, 2019

Another gloomy day - cloudy and wet. But at least it is above freezing. I am going to do an outdoor run this morning if I get moving before I have to head to town.

D2 and her family will be coming over this afternoon for a get together. Hubby is planning a roast and sausages - ugh! so much fatty meat. But the roast will include onion, carrots and potatoes. Sometimes it is so hard to go plant based when every where I turn someone is eating meat. I am going to prepare a salad and some asparagus for the sides.

I weighed myself this morning and I am stuck at that setpoint I had as an teenager and young adult. I found some posting of my weight from 2 years ago and am happy to report that I am at least below that number - that is where I plateaued for about 1 year on this weight loss journey. At least my body is not seeking to get to that number.

Today is the beginning of the Spark People 5% challenge that I do quarterly - I am hoping to get some motivation and dedication to getting rid of these extra pounds - My 5% loss will put me back to where I was before this current weight gain.

I think hubby is making a small attempt to lose weight because when we are out and about he is not making the comment, "I need to get something to tied me over" and stop for a 700 calorie sausage, nor is he suggesting to go out to eat. Maybe, just maybe, I can finally get focused and not have to fight as many temptations.

I am thinking of rereading Joel Fuhrman's Fast Food Genocide -- that book was an interesting read on the dangers of fast food

Fast food being defined as:
1. Digested and absorbed rapidly
2. Contains multiple synthetic ingredients
3. Calorie dense
4. Nutritionally barren
5. Highly flavored
6. Contains excess sugar and salt

I also need to reread The China Study - that is the book that got me started on this journey about a whole food plant based lifestyle.
I need to get my mindset back to where it ought to be about what I ought to be eating for optimal health. I am so thankful that Dr. McDougall has this forum. It is a great resource. Sometimes I read other journals and get jealous on those who seem to be successful and encouraged when I read those who went off plan but got right back to it. I can do this and somehow it is comforting to know I am not alone in my struggle. I just need to organize my time better and remember to stay focused on what I ought to be doing for my best interest.

Having to carry this extra weight is causing me to feel ~blah~ Even though this was a past setpoint and has me within the normal BMI, I am not comfortable with this weight. Just last night hubby was chomping on potato chips next to me. He eats so fast and is such a noisy eater Chomp Chomp Chomp in goes more food chomp chomp chomp in goes more ... it is like he only chews three times and shoves in more food before he swallows. I can only imagine what I look like when I am shoveling in my food --- This is my motivation to remember to eat slowly and mindfully. I remember one time some one suggested to eat in front of a mirror to actually see what you look like when you eat - talk about reality - I am no better

Well, coffee is gone now and time for me to start my day...

[Morris]

April 8, 2019

UUGGGHHHH!!!!! My weight is up again. I thought I was getting better with my eating, but apparently not. I am going to only weigh myself weekly. I also need to work more on drinking more water. I am not getting enough water on a daily basis. Maybe I will cut out my coffee a bit in the morning and substitute a cup of hot water to sip on.

I was looking through an old notebook that I had laying around and found the guidelines for Mary's Mini - I am sort of frustrated with myself because I feel like if I attempt something like that I will fail - I feel like such a failure because I cannot get with this way of eating and I know I should. Yep! I need to reread The China Study - and hope my motivation will get strong again.

D1 called again because we have made arrangements for GD1 to go to running class with me and I get angry every time I speak with her because of her past treatment that she gave us. I know she is my daughter but hubby and I did not deserve the treatment we got from her and SIL. Now she called because GS1's school is doing a fundraiser, which they are sponsoring and want me to buy the product - NO WAY am I going to support their business - they owe us so much money already. I really need to remove this STUPID tattoo they think I have on my forehead. If I donate, I will contact the school directly and bypass the fundraiser. They had left a gift of their product on my counter when they moved out and I threw it away because it made me so angry because of the condition of the house that they left us to clean up. It was just a slap in the face, an insult.

Now, just typing this is causing my to get angry - I really need to learn to let it go because at this stage in her life I doubt that she will change her ways.

My eating plan for today:
coffee
asparagus
butternut squash
pinto beans

stir fry vegetables
rice
spinach
salad with Sweet Kale mixture

mashed potatoes
mushroom gravy - (Using chickpea)
corn
brussels sprouts