Bea's Journal

[Letha.]

Bea,
I think it’s fabulous you’re able to lose weight on the regular plan. You get way more exercise then me. I’m looking forward to reaching my goal weight and adding regular plan items like tofu, pasta, and slivered almonds back to the menu. You sound like quite the cook. Those yams sound too yummy.
Letha

[BHealthy]

Well, it didn't rain but the sky looks like it is sooo wanting to rain. I didn't get in a swim last night and really miss it. I will definitely get there tonight. I'd like to go a bit earlier. The pool is just the right temp for working out - not hot - which is also nice for keeping people away and having the whole pool to myself.

I've been thinking about this Buddhist idea of entering into what you are most afraid of rather than running from it. That which we fear consumes us and that which we face we can overcome kind of thing. It's so true. Overeating to avoid who knows what - frustration, lonliness, sadness, pain - is running away in fear - or avoiding basically. I don't want to feel X so I'll eat. That's been a way of life for so long.

The other thing I've been thinking about is Don't sweat the small stuff. Discerning what matters and what doesn't require a reaction or action. So many ridiculous things can happen - just letting them go knowing that I don't have to get involved in fixing them - which really doesn't make much of a difference anyway. Actually expecting that they will happen and then not getting "consumed" by them will be helpful. Just ride on the waves rather than thrash about getting nowhere. Float into the shore. Avoid sharks, though!

Then the other thing I need to do is to take care of myself rather than trying to help others so much. If they ask for help - then make a decision, but if they don't just let it be. They will be fine - I'm not the lifeguard. Take care of myself - that is the goal this year - the one main focus. Not selfishly, just wisely. Keep it simple in some way - have some kind of check/balance to keep that focus. Is this my business? Do I really need to do anything about this? Is this big stuff or small stuff? Will this take care of myself or wander off? Sort out the junk and get rid of it and keep what is good for health - thinking, eating, actions, exercise, relationships, even possessions. What is essential what isn't?

Today my feet are a little less swollen which is grand. Had veggie wraps for dinner instead of curry. Too tired to cook. Hope to make the curry tonight.

[Anna Green]

Bea, you are so right. Taking care of yourself is wise. Way to go. I know about the joy of having the pool to myownself. Hope that happens often to you.

[Letha.]

I've been thinking about this Buddhist idea of entering into what you are most afraid of rather than running from it. That which we fear consumes us and that which we face we can overcome kind of thing. It's so true. Overeating to avoid who knows what - frustration, lonliness, sadness, pain - is running away in fear - or avoiding basically.

Hi Bea,
It can be even more passive then that. You don’t have to enter, you can just stay put. Hold your seat. Watch it coming up the walk way. Look it in the eye. Then like a big old bully it will start to shuffle it’s feet and skulk off when it realizes you’re not in the mood to be scared.

My experience is that you can’t really shut it off like a switch. But with a little effort you can get some space in there so you don’t identify totally with the madness which is nice.
Letha

[sksamboots]

You are right--During this journey it is sooo important for us to take care of ourselves before we can truly take care of others---or so that's how it is for me..Hope you get your swim in today

[Ege Bamyasi]

I'm so thrilled to hear that your swelling in the legs/feet is going down! I think we can both agree that this is going to make moving around much easier for you. Your attitude about things right now is great. You are going to enjoy great success with this life change, and I'm very glad and inspired to read about it.

[BHealthy]

Letha - I so want to be able to observe and not run from whatever it is. That is the plan. It sounds like you've done some inner work that is definitely going to help you through the weight loss part of your life journey.

Sksamboots - it's so true. To be in the best shape for genuinely giving to others, first we must take care of our own needs (maybe a few wants, too ).

Kirk - I'm sure it is going to help. I see the knee doctor tomorrow and will probably get some injections in the old joints plus get a new prescription for physical therapy. They are evaluating to see if I need a scooter for distances at work. I do use a scooter at large stores. Kirk, you must really notice the difference in your mobility with so much weight gone. I'm so happy for you!

I just got back from a water workout. I was able to swim all of the laps without stopping for a breather. My legs/feet/ankles are still swollen, but less so than on those hot days.

I was so looking forward to making curried lentils tonight, but just was too tired to chop etc so made brown rice with chard and black beans/salsa instead. Had some watermelon for a snack today - gosh watermelon is delicious. Local summer fruit is truly wonderful. It feels good to notice flavors and enjoy flavors of food now instead of stuffing food in and not even realizing what I've eaten. It's a much more grounded and sane way to relate to food.

[LauraA]

Hi Bea - I've had a busy summer of company and travels. I'm now home, and finally had time to read your whole journal. Congratulations on how great you are doing. I can really identify with knowing about McDougall style eating for years, and going on and off of the plan. Also, doing unhealthy vegan eating. Oh well, we're on plan now!! I just want to let you know that I'm sure that you would have won those poetry contests - you are smart and express yourself well!! I have a neighborhood pool nearby - usually very empty, and I have taken water aerobics classes in the past. I can't remember what we did, but I can tread water and swim some laps and try some water walking. Usually, my favorite exercise, besides Curves, is biking. I am so impressed with your progress, and with your ability to express your feelings so well here in the journal - a big help to many of us. I do the MWL program only because I would binge on nuts and bread on the regular program. I believe strongly in the book and CD The Pleasure Trap, and find that all of my over eating is caused by WHAT I eat, not by my moods or needs. When I am successfully McDougalling, I can go through any kind of situation or feeling with no thought of bingeing.
Anyway, thanks for doing your journal, and I'm glad to be home and have some time to read. Take care, LauraA

[toadfood]

Bea, thank you for your journal. I really identify with what you said about fear. I am afraid of so many things, and I know the best things happen when I take note of the fear and then go ahead and do what I want to do. That's easier said than done, though.

Congratulations on your great success this past month. I'm looking forward to reading about more!

I hope you have a great day.

[sksamboots]

I love watermelon too...Your doing fantastic with the swimming. I want to do it too, but the chlorine doesn't really agree with me...Hope your day is fantastic

[BHealthy]

Laura A - I used to take aqua-aerobics classes and I just do those exercises then swim some laps. Even jogging in place in water (deep or shallow) using your arms back and forth etc is great. A track team did water running where I used to swim. They said it was more of a workout than actually running. They wore floatation belts because, of course, they had little body fat. I don't need one. You could check out a book from the library on water aerobics for some other ideas. You can do the pilates "hundreds" in the water - just about anything you do on land and then some. Once you feel ready, get some resistance gloves - like webbed gloves - and that will pump up your muscles and heart even more. Go for it!!!

Toadfood - thanks for the good wishes. I realize I've made some less than best decisions out of fear I would do something wrong - then looking back realized my original choice was really what I wanted instead of going along with what was suggested by someone else. In the past I picked sort of dominating friends, too, which made it easy to ignore what I really wanted, out of fear of upsetting that person. Then the whole fear thing about what is behind feelings etc.

Sksamboots - my day is going to be fantastic because I've nearly finished some home projects that I'd been avoiding for a month. Well, sort of nearly finished. Hey, it's on the way to being finished enough for now at least. I hope your day is fantastic, too.

Got in a good swim last night. I aim for 45-60 minutes but may be doing more, which is too much. I have to watch out for doing more, more, more. Then I avoid exercising because it becomes so overwhelming. I'm doing a little too much bouncing on my knee in the pool so I have to watch out for that. Tomorrow I plan to rejoin my overpriced health club. It's my only option once they close the pool here for the cold months. The health club has great aqua-aerobics classes and super lap swimming times plus all that other equipment in the gym areas - machines. When I weighed less - about 10 years ago I used to use the elliptical cross training machine and really liked it. Maybe I could do that after I get new knees.

I was so hungry last night that I ate the whole bowl of black beans, brown rice and chard with salsa. One "fear" to tackle this year will be using the pressure cooker I've never used and making my own beans. A good plan. They taste so much better than the canned beans.

Time to get busy.

[Ege Bamyasi]

You're already getting in an hour of exercise daily? I'm seriously just so proud of you, Bea!! As soon as I can get on and off my recumbent without risk of injury or damage to the frame, I'll be right there with ya. This explains a lot of how you lost 30 lbs. in a month, I think. Very inspirational. Thanks for sharing that info with us!

[sksamboots]

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming! have you ever seen Nemo--Dorie always said "just keep swimming!!!!

your wonderful, amazing, fantastic !

[Letha.]

Hi Bea,
Couple of thoughts on the pressure cooker.

1. I cook beans all the time without a pressure cooker. Just boil them for an hour or two until they’re done.

2. Whenever I’m unsure of a new project, I like to go see if there is a YouTube video on the topic. I watched bunches of them to learn how to make toothbrush rugs. I’ll bet they have lots of them on using pressure cookers.

Letha

[sksamboots]

Hey you, where are you? How is the swimming? Let us know