Anna's Journal

[SandraK]

Now that you have decided not to "hide behind the fat" - why can't it just melt away? It will, but not overnight. (No fair!) I just could relate to feeling sad about a romance movie. I read the personal ads for incentive to stay on the diet (but maybe feeling bad and "unmarketable" is not the right approach.) 'Cool that you are actually looking forward to exercise, and missing it if it doesn't happen. (I can't even imagine that.) 'And fatty foods are starting to taste unappetizing. Exciting things happening! Your mind and body want you to succeed - go for it!

[Anna Green]

Sandrak, Thank you so much! You know the exercise thing is weird. It only happens after I have been doing it awhile as in at least a few times a week and it feels good even to walk, like my muscles are going, "ok time to go." Course tonight my fatigue is overriding that urge. I hope after some dinner I can convince myself.


Morning: apple, Ezekial sprouted grain eng. muffin, kombucha tea

Afternoon: veggie sushi roll, salad greens, peppers, garbanzos, and other veggies

Evening: spinach salad, baked tortillas with refried beans and salsa; later after work a small bowl of veggies and potato.

Snack: a handful of ff popcorn w/nutritional yeast, chili powder; little bit of pomegranate sorbet

[TominTN]

Hey, Anna!

Did you get out for your walk? It helps me to remember that while I've never regretted exercising after the fact, I've often regretted choosing to not exercise.

[Anna Green]

YES! Tomin TN, Did I go for a walk! My son took me to City Park Arboretum. It was beautiful with lagoons, marsh, alligators, the few old oaks that survived Katrina. Most of the trees were destroyed. There are deer, wild boar, racooons, snakes, etc living there. I can't believe I have not been to that part of the park. Our park apparently is the second largest city park in the U.S. according to my son. The trails were cushy, surrounded by these tall reedy plants that I think are not supposed to be there but proliferated after the flood. I even ran a little. There was a little hill we climbed with a look out platform at he top. The climb winded me which was good. It felt so peaceful being there with my son who is a typical surly teen at times especially since his father died. He was enthusiastic and enjoyed showing me the trails and the surprises within. I loved it. The sunset on the lagoon was enchanting. I think this fall, Aaron and I will volunteer with a massive replanting of trees that is scheduled. That will be a workout.

I was tired when I came home before the walk tonight. After I ate I had more energy and thought wow, that's the way food is supposed to work. We eat, we get energy. We are not supposed to have to recover from eating with naps and hours on the couch. Amazing.

[f1jim]

It's great you picked up on that fact about eating. Junk food turns you into a lethargic lump and healthy food won't. I felt like a giant sloth after so many meals before. I guess I thought that was the way you were supposed to react to food. I remember so many lunches that ruined the rest of the day for me because of that lethargy. It affected me mentally the same way. Slow processing and slow mental reactions. Why I couldn't relate that to food is beyond me. Live and learn.
Nice visual picture you painted for us.
f1jim

[Anna Green]

Jim, thanks. I even find when I don't get much sleep, if I am eating well the impact is less.

Today has been good. Talked to a friend about what I am doing and she offered support in any way she can including if I need someone to hang with to get past a SAD urge. It felt good.

so today...

Morning: strawberries, cherries, later some br rice, veggies, and peas
Afternoon: potato and veggie stew and a few baked corn tortilla chips, Ezekial sprouted grain muffin and grapefruit later for a snack
Evening: ww tortilla w/pintos, garlic, lettuce, salsa, rice from a local eatery. No lard in the beans but I do think I tasted oil though not much. I am getting more sensitive to it.

More flour than I want normally but I am good with it. Eating w/ a friend was spur of the moment and I did fairly well- no fried chips and guacamole. holy, no guacamole and I don't feel sad!

[Mrs. Doodlepunk]

You know, just today I had an incident with a tired boy eating almost a whole watermelon and being refreshed and in a better mood. I'm going to go use the teachable moment, even though it's been a while, he still remembers how good it tasted after working so hard, and how he felt so much better.

Thanks for the idea!

[Anna Green]

It has been a week since my last big slip. Don't feel the urge today to do that again and that is such a relief. I would like this week to not have even the little ones. Did not exercise yesterday unless tromping through abandoned buildings looking for people without a home counts. Too bad I didn't have to go up more stairs. The one with 3 flights got me winded which is good except that I am with two young healthy guys who I love but are full of themselves. So there you go. I was trying to hide my panting as we walked through the dark with flashlights and was thankful for the rustling of the debris. Ok, it won't be too long till I will be racing them up those stairs and will play kickball on their team. That's right- fit not frumpy- oh yeah! Lean not lumpy. Daring not dumpy. Strong not stumpy. Ok I'll stop amusing myself. I need to do better with the exercise so I plan to take advantage of the 3 day weekend and do just that. Began this evening with some more kettlebell exercises and aerobics for about 30 min. Did well with the food today. No oil, all good.

Morning: veggie and potato stew- 2 bowls
Afternoon: cup of strawberries, cup of raw cabbage, 4 small red potatoes
Evening: a cup of potatoes and veggies (mostly veggies), a cup of br rice, veggies and beans, later a bowl of split pea soup and salad. Finishing up leftovers and such. Then some baked corn tortilla chips and salsa and a few cherries

[Birdy]

Anna,
I also LOVE to walk, but don't do enough of it. Gotta get out there. And another form of exercise I'm trying to get going with is yoga because it is surprisingly strenuous and is helping me with some joint problems. Still gotta make the time to do it on my own at home, just as making time for a daily walk is essential. I smiled reading your post, "Ok, it won't be too long till I will be racing them up those stairs and will play kickball on their team. That's right- fit not frumpy- oh yeah! Lean not lumpy. Daring not dumpy. Strong not stumpy. Ok I'll stop amusing myself."
Kathy

[Anna Green]

Birdy, thanks for coming by. Yoga sounds good. You are right about making the time to walk or exercise. I want it to be a habit and if I do it everyday there won't be all the discussion in my head about whether or not, when and how, etc I am going to do it. If the arguments and obsessive thinking that goes on in my head could be recorded the government would use it to torture suspected terrorists. When you go for a walk, it would be fun to hear about where, what you are seeing, etc.

OK, I lost about 2-3 more pounds per that contraption on the bathroom floor that I swear is just a tool of big brother and has an attitude. Please, if anyone is reading this, do yourself a favor and don't ask how come I don't know exactly. Suffice to say I'm just not that kind of person who knows exactly about much of anything. There is always another side to the story in my head. I am sure I've lost weight however because I really need new clothes and people are commenting, even the overworked, snipy and b*tchy though lovable homeless outreach team.

[Mrs. Doodlepunk]

Anna, I love reading your journal and think your job sounds like it's very interesting. I imagine that an outreach team gets into some pretty gamey situations. I was once a home care nurse and my district was in the worst area of the city where the bad stuff went on in the evening, and I made my rounds in the morning while those guys were all asleep somewhere. It was my all-time favorite job.

edited to add: I forgot to tell you double WOO HOO on the people noticing you've lost weight! When are you going to buy new clothes?

[Anna Green]

Ms. Doodlepunk, Thanks. I am currently between sizes if that makes sense. I have some clothes in 3 different sizes. The biggest one is clearly too big. The smallest is 18 so I know some 18's will fit and some won't. I am waiting till I am a little smaller and will go then probably in a couple of weeks.

Today was just scary and disgusting. I am surprised I am not eating fried chicken as we speak but I must really be getting better because I have no desire to at the moment. Since Father's Day, the first since Rick died my son has been a little weird. I have been telling people something is up and I need to watch him. So he stayed the night with a friend last night and I get a call today from the police saying they are on the way to the ER because he has been smoking incense and had a bad reaction. My 14 yr old, yes. Then he tells me he is ok just needing to make sure. Turns out the stuff was serenity now or something like it that has trace of Lithium. Also they smoked it with a used bong so he also had THC in his blood work. He was very scared, of that I am thankful. One of the so called friends tried to talk he and his other friends from calling an ambulance because he was afraid of getting in trouble. That just disturbs me to no end. This kid is 16. Thank goodness one of the other kids had sense enough to call and then go with him. He is 18. I know I sound stupid for letting him hand with older kids but he is in a small school and does not have a lot of friends his own age. The 18 year old, I know and while he was stupid today he is basically a decent person. I am tired of being a single parent and I am scared. I think if I was living in a third world slum or in Baghdad I would just not be able to cope with raising a child. The fear is too much. Thank goodness I have good friends, one of which who came with me to the ER. My boy is fine and still scared and swearing up and down he learned his lesson. I am too worn out to figure out what needs to happen now but I know I need to figure out what the real issues are here and be proactive. He is a kind and ethical person. He is so motivated at school and in so many ways is doing well. I know he is struggling with growing up, but also with his father's death. I am so so sad.

So we go to eat after leaving the ER at the only totally veggie place in N.O. I want to get Aaron food so I don't have to cook and I know I should feed my friend who has been in the ER with me for hours. I am explaining to the waitress that I do not want oil in my food and she proceeds to lecture me on how good the coconut fat is for me and weight loss. The skinny little brat has no idea how lucky she is that I can exercise self control, only because I know over the years I have probably said stupid stuff to people as well about health.

So I am home and was happy to be able to come here and journal and know that you would get it about the silly waitress and my awful day. I did pretty well with the dinner considering I was hungry or maybe not, but wanting comfort. Did not wind up eating much which is good because part of it clearly had oil in it. I'm over it. If I choose to eat out any time soon I will go where I know the cook and get what I want.

Morning- plum and cherries, later a bowl of split pea soup I made.

Afternoon- jicama, radishes, split pea soup

Evening- white rice, greens, a little of a tomato based spicy dish w/ fake shrimp (did not know the fake shrimp were coming but I tried them), a few pieces of pita with a little hummus. Not great, and not something I care to do again.

[Mrs. Doodlepunk]

Anna, I'm thinking that if he's scared this is good, right? Oh, I hate drugs so much. I mean drugs as in the illegal or illicit kind. I hope the other kids' parents are upset and I would love to help you do whatever you'd like done to the ones who helped him into this mess. You know, like you offered to help me with the cemetery mess? They'll never find the bodies.

I'm so proud of you for sticking to your plan and not eating the fried chicken. And for not throttling the skinny brat waitress.

You and your boy are in my prayers.

[Anna Green]

Ms. Doodlepunk, Thank you so much. You made me laugh. I am trying to think ahead right now so I don't act stupid. I am going to have some alone time tonight and in the past that has often meant junk food. I am putting out there to the airways that I will not do that tonight. So shopping today for the stuff I'm cooking for the week and Sunday dinner with friends. I am going to make that sweet potato lasagna everyone raves about. I think I will also get something good for me tonight as well like brown rice sushi. You know I might make some dehydrated sweet potato chips to have with salsa and bean dip. I have a dehydrator I haven't tried yet.

So now I am making grits for the first time since this plan. I have started with low sodium veggie broth, some garlic powder, a little vegan parmesan, and plan to stir in nutritional yeast after they are cooked. I bet a little tabasco would be good too but I don't have any. I am hoping to figure this out cause I love me some grits and the boy does too. He is pretty healthy but the more I understand all this the more I want to feed him well. That boy.

Plan to clean like crazy till my whole body cries for the couch. That may be all the exercise I get today.

[Mrs. Doodlepunk]

Beware - that lasagna makes a big batch, you need a couple of DEEP pans, or three pans. I needed more sauce too, and more noodles. But then maybe I did something wrong. It was delicious!

The grits sound good.... Mr. D loves grits. He cooks some with canned green chilies, corn, chopped red pepper, garlic powder, kidney beans or garbanzos. He has this for breakfast. One time he put in a cute little orange pepper from the CSA box, didn't know what it was but gotta use the stuff up, you know. One mouthful and he about died, had to throw the whole batch away. It was a habanero pepper....