Anna's Journal

[Anna Green]

Thanks guys, I appreciate your wisdom and am grateful for your time. I will check out Doug Lisle. I will let go of the self flagellation. This is what I can do today along with making my wonderful lentil stew in hopes it will entice me away from the tortured rotting flesh and other SAD crud.

Edit: I am writing this later after reading Sandrak's post about honesty and realized that a sin of omission is here. Ate really crappy animal food that night for dinner (ate healthy during the day). What I did not do that day was beat myself for it - that was new for me and consequently the next day cheerfully got back on tract. I really think for me breaking the cycle is of using food to dog myself is important. It needs to be about health and joy.

[Anna Green]

Awesome day. Did pretty darn well except for the mini muffin I shoved in my mouth at a training I was giving because the muscle relaxer I had previously had no problems with made me start feeling weird and I knew I needed to eat and quick. My food was not available at that time and I was really nervous about feeling loaded while teaching about psych diagnosis. No excuses just an oddball situation. The luncheon I journaled about before that I was concerned about went beyond well. The vegan food available was mostly vegetables and salad with a dressing on the side that I did not use. The lentil soup was awesome and if there was oil it had to be very little. So I felt good about it and the next time I am offered a meal I will counter with another offer to let me be the cook. I won't use any oil. I also turned down taco bell today, came home and ate my split pea soup and I feel great. Felt like I was duckin and jivin (is that the phrase?) all day long and I did not get hit too hard, just a glancing blow. Tomorrow will be even better. I can see the eating out which I did two times today could be a problem. While I made good choices each time I can't always be sure what is in the food. So gotta limit that and/or develop some good relationships at a few places so when I ask for no oil or sauce they get that I really mean it. I can see why people keep saying to keep it simple and why some choose not to eat out. I don't like to have to think about this so much. This week I am going to have a goal to do whatever it takes to have days where not a whole lot of thinking is going on about what I will eat because I planned so well that the food I made is just there, I'll eat it and be done with it.

[Bunnylover]

So I felt good about it and the next time I am offered a meal I will counter with another offer to let me be the cook. I won't use any oil.

Great plan Anna! At first it may feel odd to bring or make your own food wherever you go, but after a while you -- and everyone else -- will just get used to it. Earlier this year I went to a Mardi Gras party at someone's home and I didn't want to just eat salad or whatever, so I made McDougall-legal Red Beans 'n Rice, Maque Choux, Creole Green Beans, and Dirty Rice. Okay so I went overboard a little with the cooking. But I had a fabulous time and got to eat and feel like I was enjoying the party like everyone else. I will do the same thing when I go to a Luau party later this summer.

Restaurants are hard. I think that cultivating a relationship with a couple of places where they know you and know how you eat is a fabulous idea. Then you can just walk in and say "I'll have the usual." Haha. I have to admit I don't eat out much anymore. When people ask me to lunch, I usually counter with a suggestion to meet later in the afternoon for an iced tea.

I am glad you had such an awesome day. I am also glad I stopped by, because your great attitude always rubs off on me Have a wonderful weekend!

[f1jim]

Time for me to come clean...
My sister converted to vegetarian eating nearly 30 years ago. For all that time up to 2 years ago I used to give her such a bad time about it nearly every time we got together as a family.(She lives in Kona, HI) Going to restaurants was a challenge for her and we really never gave much consideration to her needs as we just assumed she could eat a salad! I tell people the hardest phone call I ever had to make was calling her and telling her she was right all these years. I had to swallow a lot of pride to make that call. Now that we , as well as her 5 year old son, all eat similarly, I see the difficulties of eating she faced both at restaurants and at the family events. I learned myself how important the social aspects of eating can be. I also discovered the joy of finding others that eat the way I do. Through the forum I have met others, living close to me, that follow my diet. We get together regularly for brunches, as well as go out together for meals at restaurants that provide compliant meals. It has revolutionized that missing social aspect I thought was gone forever. If eating out is that important life will deliver the solution to you. It's nice to see you succeeding.
f1jim

[Anna Green]

Bunnylover and Jim,

Aw shucks, ya'll are just awesome and have made my day. It is so funny that I can be such a cynical snide person at times and yet in my heart I am really an optimist. Today I just feel hope and joy.

[Melinda]

Good for you, Jim, that you admitted that about your sister! That took a lot of courage - way to go.

[SactoBob]

If you know Jim, I don't think that it did take much courage. Jim is just the sort of person who routinely faces the truth - it is a habit for him. He just doesn't see his past mistakes as a reflection on who he is. I think that is why he does not sometimes understand the defensiveness of other people, but it is one reason for his success and one reason that I really like him.

Now Jim does have courage. My wife and I are taking him sea kayaking in SF Bay tomorrow on a trip to Angel Island. He has never really sea kayaked before (splashing around in Hawaii on a barge doesn't count). Don't worry, Jim, the marine forecast is pretty favorable.

While it is true that this lifestyle can curtail old social contacts, it can bring new ones. We have been delighted to get to know Jim and his wife Terri and are really looking forward to tomorrow.

[Anna Green]

Wow. Kayaking sounds fun. One of the motivators for me is to be able to feel comfortable engaging in outdoor fun like canoeing, hiking, etc.

Today was good. Spent a good amount of time on this site because I needed it and it helps to get me thinking what I need to be thinking to get healthy. Cooked a beautiful pot of lentils with sweet potato and collards. Did well with eating today. Plan to make a raw zucchini spaghetti salad with tomatoes basil garlic mushrooms spinach, etc and bake some purple potatoes. Trying to cook for the week and Sunday dinner tom. I often have Sunday dinners at my house and my friends eat whatever I cook and often seem to enjoy it though it is vegan. Last Sunday I made a recipe I got off of Letha's site. I did add some lite coconut milk to it making it have a few grams of fat per serving. I thought my company would like it more but I think this week I am just going to dish up what I have. No added fat and all whole foods. I kind of suspect they will like this too because it has a lot of flavor and I plan to add a bit of heat. I feel peaceful about it. They don't really come for the food. They come for the love, the sense of community, and because it's fun. This is what I can do today.

Todays menu was:
B- split pea soup I found on Letha's site
Snacks- apple, 1/2 grapefruit and radishes
L- more split pea soup
D- lentils, but mostly collards and sweet potato
S- More soup or a potato

[Anna Green]

Oh yeah, and I walked today with friends. woo hoo

[Anna Green]

I have been thinking about this whole cycle of eating poorly, feeling guilt and embarrassment and then eating well and not feeling as if I did well enough or worried I will back slide. I don't want to do this anymore. I am going to just lay it out, what I do whether it is healthy or not. What I want to be able to do is look at my actions, see what I can do to get better, keep at it, and stop all the drama. I never have really been able to do this. I always have to get scared to try eating better and exercising. Or I have to be attracted to someone I'm willing to do aerobics for. The crazy thing is I love how I feel when I eat well and exercise. I get high off those things and I want this to be the motivator. If I have any big feelings about all of this I want those big feelings, the ones that cause the spring in my step, the joy, the hope, the energy to do my work and play with my boy and my friends. I hope it's true that when we eat well over time our moods are more even, less labile, etc, not that I don't manage the feelings well most of them time. However, I could use some of that along of course with the moments of high from feeling good. That's not contradictory, ITS NOT. Oh gosh I'm having fun again. Plan to make some salad with a pesto sauce I got from here- caroveggie?, a new thai dish with no coconut milk but a coconut elixir kind of thing without the fat, and some garbanzo fritters not fried. Got the friends coming over and life is good.

[Anna Green]

Good day. Ate good, played good, worked good.

B-soup with collards lentils and sweet potato
S-peach
L-brown rice veggie roll
split pea soup
D-raw veggies w/no oil pesto, garbanzo bean patties baked, soup with collards, lentils, sweet potatoes'
Friends and beer

I came out to my friends about this discussion board but told them they are not allowed to read my journal. I enjoyed telling them my blood pressure is perfect and those twinges in my chest are gone after just a few weeks of doing this. Even with the backsliding a couple of days I am doing so much better. My dinner was pretty abysmal, however they were good sports. I'll figure it out, I'm not worried.

[Anna Green]

oh yeah and the frantic cleaning of the house with sweat and panting counts as exercise today.

[Anna Green]

Turned down chocolate from coworkers trip to Italy today. Told her there was a skinny girl inside of me trying to get out. Wasn't a big deal. That's the good part about it. Took a two hour trip during dinner time, no trip thru the drive thru. Munched before I left on good food. So all is well. I have had moments of clarity at the right times today. Not to say I am not working hard for those moments. Cooked this weekend, didn't much like it so I came home at 7p tonight and started again with success. I will still eat the stuff I cooked this weekend because it's not that bad and I can't waste healthy food. But now I got the goods for when I have a moment of not so clear thinking this week. damn, I'm such an addict. Part of me still looking in going, "this is ridiculous, people hungry all over the world and you gotta spend eveyday journaling and reading about eating healthy food just to get motivated to not kill yourself with junk" I know it's more shaming going on in my head so I will let it go. However another moment of clarity is providing gratitude for this good healthy food I have and I do not feel deprived somehow because I can't kill myself and the earth with crap.

B-garbanzo bean patty, roasted potatoes
S-grapefruit
L- big bowl split pea soup, raw veggies-caulif, broc, red bell pep, zucchini
S-garbanzo bean patty, roasted potatoes
d-small head of butter lettuce, garbanzo bean patties-2, veggie soup


Used a wee bit of nonstick spray for patties and potatoes. Will not do so again at the advice of wise Bob.

[Anna Green]

Ok I just watched Jeff's video on the nonstick spray oil crap. I feel dumb. Won't use anymore. I am NOT counting this as a cheat though cause the food didn't taste good enough to have much oil on it. And it did not brown up all nice like it does with oil. Really. That's my story and I'm stickin to it. (specially now that i ain't got no nonstick spray)

[SactoBob]

You seem to be a visual learner like me. Another great lecture to watch for free on the net is Dr. Shintani's presentation at the Vegetarian Society of Hawaii. Getting educated is half the battle.