by strivn2bhealthy » Sun Aug 04, 2019 6:29 pm
*edited for typos
When pride cometh, then cometh shame: ... Proverbs 11:2
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18
Yep, yep, yep.
I am so thankful that I can go back and see my journal posts from the past. It feels like a life-time ago. I did learn so much last time around (which was my 2nd or 3rd time around.) I've already learned more about myself this time.
I just spent some time reading my post about volume-eating. I can't believe I was eating that much food! My average for the last 2 mos (started again June 1) has been 3.6lb/day.
So, I shouldn't know that, right? I shouldn't be weighing my food, right? Technically, right. But, every time I have failed, it has been when I caved to the pressure that I "shouldn't" do what I do. Not coming out of the gate putting blame on anyone or anything. I have learned a lot about myself. After starting back to college Spring 2018, the biggest thing I've learned is that I live and breathe math and statistics. This is ME being ME.
I'm about to give TMI, so don't read on without considering that.
At this point in the game, I'm 55 years old. Married. Female. PERImenopausal (when will it end?). Currently, I'm trying to earn a BS in Math bc 30+ years ago I was more stupid than today. DS, 20yo, not living as raised (but a lot like his Momma was in her day). DD, 19yo, finding her way, getting ready to move an hour away to finish her last 2 years of college.
I have been obese (morbidly) my entire life. Weight charts say I should weight what I did when I was 11yo. Currently, I'm 5'5" and weigh 305lb. I believe in this way of eating (mostly for health and economy) and keep coming back to it. Honestly, my husband (5'6", 300lbs) means well trying to encourage with his mouth, but he does nothing to encourage with his life. In June, I lost 15 pounds. In June, he ate fast food for either breakfast OR dinner OR breakfast and dinner every day. In July, I lost 2lbs. In July, he ate fast food just as much as in June. First 3 days of August, eating clean, I've gained 2lbs. But, I refuse to quit on myself. In July, I ate more meals completely on plan (probably at least 2-4 good for every 1 bad-I can look up the stats), but as a volume eater, there is a HUGE price to pay (in calories) for eating ANYTHING off plan. I'm on BP and diuretic. As such, my gains/losses seem to sometimes lag. So, the current 2lbs up could be catch-up from July.
I realize I sound angry and maybe depressed. I find it beneficial to have these journals to come back to when I'm thinking more soundly to see how things progress. I've experienced a lot of roadblocks in my life. Facing a couple of big ones, right now. Still living, though, and working my way down the path. Glad there are others logging their ups/downs, as well. Don't mind being alone, sometimes. Just don't like feeling alone.
Started 2019 @ 345
Goal 1 - 310 / 06/21/19
Goal 2 - 279 / ???
Glory!