The start of a change, a diet, feels so familiar to me. I've been dieting since I can remember. I would watch my mother put on her clothes and then check herself in the mirror, turning sideways, standing up straight, trying to see how flat she could make her stomach, only to slouch back down, a bit defeated and off to start her next diet. We dieted together, even though I was never overweight until after high school. I was young and athletic and ate about anything I wanted to. Sports kept the weight off. After high school, I ballooned up to 185, I dieted and fasted, and got back down to 140. And then, slowly, back to 155 at which point I got married at the age of 21. Of course, I was dieting off and on the whole time. Marriage and it's early bliss, "fat and happy" as we were, helped pack on another 10 pounds. I spent the next 5 years trying to stay under 180, sometimes getting down to 165 but never my wedding weight. We moved for school, lost a pregnancy, worked full time and pursued graduate school and my weight settled around 185-190. At that time, we had already discovered WFPB, were successful for a time, but went right back to fatty foods and indulgent living - vegan, of course, so that made it okay, ha! Life moved on, I settled into work with my husband finishing his PhD. We lost my mother, bought a house, and adopted our sweet baby boy (all within 3 months!) and I woke up one morning weighing 215. What a wake up call! I hit the gym as hard as I could as a working mom, working out at my local box 3-4 times a week, missing my family, but thinking it would fix the weight. And, it did a little. With macros and some hard work, I was down to 198! Under 200, I told myself I'd never see 200 on the scale again. But it wasn't long till I was back to 210. I fought for two years to lose the weight, but kept failing and bingeing, saying I'll start again on Monday. By this time I was a stay at home mother, having left my career to spend time at home with our little boy (so grateful for that opportunity). We couldn't afford the local box (CrossFit) anymore, so I was doing my best to workout at home, but to be honest, I wasn't trying that hard. We ate no cheese veggie pizzas from Papa Johns and considered it a health food. We moved for my husbands new job last April. I stepped on the scale at the local Golds gym and saw 218. It was a blow to my pride. I told myself I would get under 200 before the end of the year...turns out it was a hard year. The transition was harder than I anticipated and I ate a lot of my feelings, okay, all of my feelings. It is now a year later and we have moved into a great neighborhood, I'm starting a doctoral program in the Fall, and we feel like we are coming out a fog. I weighed in at 237.2 on Thursday. I couldn't believe it. I felt so low. I laid on my sons twin bed while he was with my husband, and just sat in overwhelming feelings of disappointment, regret, sadness, and embarrassment. How did I get here? Where was my willpower? I know I'm better than this, so what is holding me back? Why can't I lose weight? I cannot buy more clothes in a larger size. I cried. I felt it. I didn't let it consume me, but I felt it. Like my mother, I got up determined, but I still had questions. I had visited Dr. McDougall's website, read the success stories. I had surfed the PCRM website. I have the FOK app. I have read the China Study. I tried the Engine 2 Diet. I've used the meal planners. I've seen the documentaries.I have all the information, but have felt powerless over the years to adhere to what I know will work, what I know is best for my body, my family, and my weight. Was there really a way out? I didn't know, and honestly, although I'm braving this change, I'm still nervous. My spouse has always preferred Dr. McDougall's method, but I always thought it sounded too restrictive so we've never done it as a family...but truth be told, I had seen it work for him. He had gone to Texas for a 3 month internship, and eaten the McDougall way, and came home as thin as I'd ever seen him (and I've known him since we were 16!) So, Thursday, I ordered the Maximum Weight Loss book off Amazon, and read it through the Kindle app that day. The hardcopy arrived today.
My husband (who has about 30 pounds to lose and is fully on board) and I started the next day. I picked out some new recipes from the book, created my shopping list and went to town. Here I am on day 3, choosing to be brave, choosing to be hopeful, believing that this isn't the start of another failed attempt, believing that this time next year I'll be close to my goal weight, believing I will start classes in the Fall under 200, able to ride a bike to campus and walk confidently into the classroom less worried about what people think of my body. Here I am, brave and hopeful.
by AmandaSue » Sun May 17, 2020 7:29 pm 
We had a large bowl of spinach soup (from the MWL recipes), a small salad, and then a potato with mustard and a little ketchup. I was hungry around 4, so I had some pre-baked potatoes from the fridge. Dinner was a large salad followed by steamed broccoli, cauliflower, onions and mushrooms (half my plate) and quinoa with sweet potatoes, topped with bbq sauce. I'm still feeling confused on the recommendations for bbq sauce and ketchup, since they both seem like a lot of sugar/calories, but I'm still losing weight while using them. One of the big things I'm telling myself right now is that it is okay to be hungry and that hunger is normal. I've spent most of my life trying to tell myself that something was wrong with my hunger drive, that I was fat because I was too hungry, but after reading MWL I am attempting to rewire my brain to the truth, that my hunger is good and natural, and that it's what I've been eating, not the desire to eat, that has made me fat. I would be dishonest if I didn't say it is HARD. Every time I am hungry in between meals I want to silence those signals, and allowing myself to eat a potato or carrots or a bowl of soup feels like an act of faith. How can I lose weight if I eat when I'm hungry?!? The rewire struggle is real. 
), and a small spinach salad, followed by a mix of Brussel sprouts, broccoli, onions and garlic with quinoa (half and half) topped with bbq sauce. Dinner sadly was not prefaced by salad or soup, but was a great meal of cauliflower and diced potatoes with corn (half and half) with ketchup on the potatoes.
We didn't get any, of course, but he has definitely gotten the taste for fat and salt! 
). Took a 2ish mile walk with my family this morning and spent the rest of the day outside enjoying the beautiful weather. 
