Okay. So, I've been MIA for a bit here. I'm back now. To be honest, I've been struggling to find my footing again. I have some destructive eating/self sabotage, and the scale has shown it.
Mark Cooper from the MWL group had these encouraging words for me that have helped me tremendously:
I really do believe that the times we face challenges are all part of the process (maybe even an essential part). Figuring out specifically what we, as individuals under dynamic circumstances, need to do so that we can overcome these setbacks is so important and valuable, because the factors contributing to almost any setback will inevitably recur at some future point. Taking the time to carefully and systematically solve the underlying problem (whether that is the Pleasure Trap or something else), means we're teaching ourselves a viable strategy for solving it again next time.
Thinking of this time as an "essential part" of the process of changing my life into a lifestyle that is sustainable and health promoting has helped me re-frame my struggle. Instead of beating myself up and throwing in the towel, I am evaluating and learning and moving on. Frankly, I am at the point that giving up is not an option. My declining health has brought me to a point where my future and the future of my family would be so adversely affected that I cannot in good conscience turn back now. I have made so much progress, but I am also fully aware that if I don't fight to continue on and make more progress, I will be surrendering to a life I am unwilling to accept. Maybe that is actually a gift. Like swimming upstream, if I stop swimming, I will be swept away by the river and eventually drown. That may sound overly dramatic, but it's the reality of the situation I face.
So, I carry on. Live to fight another day! I am happy to say that I have stopped the decline, and I am back to where I was on the scale and in my brain. I decided I needed to do something to interrupt what I feared was a going to become a downward spiral, so I began a Mary's Mini with potatoes. I am 1 week in. I have committed to 30 days. It has been absolutely remarkable! Not only have I lost the weight I gained, but my brain is calm. I am not struggling. This has been a total godsend. I started the Mini one week ago today ( August 3rd) at 187.1 pounds. This morning, I weighed in at 183.6!
I haven't lost that much weight in one week maybe ever! I'm not expecting to lose that much every week for this month of my Mini, but I AM grateful to have lost what I gained and, more importantly, stopped my downward spiral!
I have learned a lot about myself and why my weight loss had stalled for the month of July: 1. Mostly, I was just plain overeating- eating way beyond full, especially at dinner.
2. I was doing a lot of "recreational" eating - eating for reasons other than hunger, and eating more highly palatable food than I should have been (Chocolate Banana Nice Cream, I'm looking at YOU!).
3. What I have found by narrowing my food options to either potatoes or vegetables is I am simply getting fuller much sooner, and staying fuller longer. I'm not sure if this means I wasn't eating enough starch before, or what. But potatoes sure do it for me!
4. There are many times during the day (especially at the beginning) where I would think, "I'd like to eat something," and then I think about eating a potato and realize I'm not that interested. So I just don't eat. The thought goes away when I realize I'm not really hungry, and I get busy doing something else. That is not to say I am not enjoying my potatoes and veggies! Quite the contrary. When I am actually hungry, I get really excited about my food and enjoy it tremendously. And I easily stop when I get full. It's like a miracle!
5. I am not "broken." It actually IS the food! Huh! Go figure! My satiety signals are fully functioning. There is nothing wrong with me. I AM capable of continuing to lose weight. My "plateau" was not my body being stubborn, it was me eating too much and when I wasn't hungry.
6. My emotions don't dictate when I eat if I am eating the right foods. I do not "eat my feelings" when I am eating potatoes and vegetables and nothing else. I eat when I'm hungry. If I'm sad, I cry or call a friend or pray. Sometimes I take a walk or go swimming so I can get my mind off my problems and clear my head. I am coping with this difficult season of my life much better by not comforting myself with food.
7. I am happier when I honor myself and work toward my healing instead of against it.
So, I'm staying on the Potato Mini for at least 30 days. Today is Day 8. I will re-evaluate at the end of the month. I see the doctor in early September. I am hoping for a good report. I will be checking in here as often as I feel serves me.