KK! Hi! I have just read through your journal, not every word but most of it. Reading it through from the beginning is interesting. there is a pattern. Its easy to recognise the pattern because...ehem....been there myself,
You decide to reconnect with McDougalling, you take stock of the damage, and you decide this is an emergency! Then you do MWL very strictly, or Mary's Mini, and a month later its all too restrictive and off goes the wagon without you again. I used to do this a lot right back at the beginning before I got into my groove. I found I was heaps better just following basic Starch Solution. No it wasn't as quick as MWL, but frankly I like a bit of plant milk in my tea, and I hate having to start each meal with salad! I dont eat much bread because it is calorie dense but I make my own multi grain sourdough, and I reserve the right to have a piece every now and again. I found I focused on food WAY too much.
Yes, it took longer, but 10 years later ....so what? I have a way of eating I can live with, I can have the occasional treat, Joel Fruhmans oatmeal cookies being a favourite, and the weight is still off. Have I fallen off the wagon in these 10 years? yes of course, Christmas, birthdays...vegan chocolate cake! But simple SS is so easy and unrestrictive its so much easier to get back on the wagon again, its not like a diet. Its like life used to be before I got fat. If I had a blow-out (Christmas, say) I would simply eat less for the next few days...Now SS is the way I eat. After Christmas I might eat a bit less' meal' and a few more veggies. I might cook more soups, and not eat bread with them. But not restrictions beyond SS. And things settle.
If you were advising a young person re money, you would say, just pop $X into the investment account every payday...and dont bother looking at it. In 10 years you will be surprised! Same with SS. Just do it, dont worry about it, and in 10 years.....well, we will all be asking you how you did it!
Good luck and hang on in there. Dont over think it!