Re: Jubilee's Journey
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Hi, Jubilee.
Several times in recent posts, you said, "I don't know why I did it."
In my own case, I have noticed that when my life is full of stress ( like it sounds like yours has been recently), my behavior regresses. I do things that may have once been effective coping strategies but no longer are -- using food for comfort, overreacting, trying to control everyone and everything around me, procrastinating, ignoring issues that need dealing with, etc.
It may be because those ancient behaviors feel so familiar, it may be because of memories of them having "worked" (sort of) in the past, it may be for some other reason, but I don't think the why is really all that important.
What I find most helpful is simply awareness that that pattern is a common one for me. So when it starts happening (yet again), I can say, "hm... This looks familiar. Yes, I've seen this before. I know this dance." And if I pay attention and notice the signposts, eventually I can short circuit that old programming that keeps running me into the swamp and stay on solid ground. (Not that I'm always successful, but knowing that it's a deeply entrenched pattern helps me remember to be gentle with myself.)
Several times in recent posts, you said, "I don't know why I did it."
In my own case, I have noticed that when my life is full of stress ( like it sounds like yours has been recently), my behavior regresses. I do things that may have once been effective coping strategies but no longer are -- using food for comfort, overreacting, trying to control everyone and everything around me, procrastinating, ignoring issues that need dealing with, etc.
It may be because those ancient behaviors feel so familiar, it may be because of memories of them having "worked" (sort of) in the past, it may be for some other reason, but I don't think the why is really all that important.
What I find most helpful is simply awareness that that pattern is a common one for me. So when it starts happening (yet again), I can say, "hm... This looks familiar. Yes, I've seen this before. I know this dance." And if I pay attention and notice the signposts, eventually I can short circuit that old programming that keeps running me into the swamp and stay on solid ground. (Not that I'm always successful, but knowing that it's a deeply entrenched pattern helps me remember to be gentle with myself.)