Aw, man. Sympathies.
I just went back and looked at your early posts in this thread. Stuff like
This summer: My diabetes is getting worse. I'm taking 1000 mg of metformin twice a day and glipizide twice a day. Blood sugar almost always above 300. When it would spike up higher I would eat no carbohydrates (mostly animal protein) and take an additional 1000mg of metformin. Diabetic nerve pain in my legs is almost constant. Having a hard time even getting out of the car. Chest pains becoming more frequent. Almost certain I'm not going to reach 50, probably not going to reach 45 at this rate.
And then:
Week 1: 300 Lbs. Confused in the kitchen. Learning to cook in ways that don't involve removing from a box and microwaving. One day at the end of the week, slightly dizzy, sweating. Blood sugar 79, eat an apple and never take metformin again.
Week 2: 285 Lbs. Energy level continues to rise, start walking on tread mill. The cooking is going better. Towards the end of the week cut dosage in half for glipizide (remaining diabetes medicine).
Week 3: 282 Lbs. Feeling great!
Week 4: 275 Lbs. Feel great! No cravings! People starting to notice weight loss.
And it's only kept getting better for you, health-wise. I don't know how that makes you feel, but in my case, a similar progression makes me feel more hopeful and confident about my future than I've been in 20 years. There's literally a spring in my step than I didn't have 100 pounds ago, and I like it!
Call me naive, but I still think marriages have to be founded in love. When they are not, you're better off living alone, or getting a dog, or lining up a roommate on Craig's List to share the rent. And I have trouble comprehending how someone who loves you could look at the terrifying place you were and the hopeful place you are now and still want you to go back to that terrifying place of impending death.
Other than the "none of my business" reticence that clearly isn't crippling my typing fingers (heh) the only thing that keeps me from saying "Dude, it's over, call a damn lawyer already" is that she's clearly still living in that terrifying deadly place herself (see, e.g., electric shopping cart, age 47). And she's now
alone there in an important sense. Not being willing to leave it herself (more charitably, I'll assume she's willing to leave but can't see a way out, having discounted your pathfinding for reasons that presumably make sense to her), it only stands to reason that she
wants you back there with her.
All the drama and hatefulness appear geared toward that goal. She doesn't want to change but she doesn't want to be alone in her situation, either. So she's trying to reach out and drag you back to that frightening no-futures place where she still is. Is that love? Well it sure ain't
selfless love, but it ain't nothin', either. And so I imagine that your patience and tolerance (until they run out) must come from a place of hope that she'll eventually find her own way out. But man, I know it cannot be easy to take.