Eri, the things we do and let go that no-one even knows about...I mean, sure, sinus infections and chapped lips are no fun, but it is all
so relative.
I was thinking to day about things like what you two were talking about,
Leslie and
Eri -the isolation and the being alone with it, and all the "what is hard about this kind of illness in general."
I guess my main thought was, do your best to avoid being hard on yourself for anything like that. Treat yourself well. Care for and about yourself. You are worth it, you deserve it and likely, since nobody "gets" it, you are probably not getting enough of it already from others.
Not many people really met me halfway when I was isolated, for example. I don't mean that in a bitter way, I mean that people don't
know, and so we expend more energy for less results, if that makes sense.
Being sick is really tiring. And we are/were/are coming out of being really sick. No need to add crap on top of the crap already dumped in your lap.
I was noticing myself doing this lately - Superwoman-ing through the pressures of the Holidays, and lapsing in self care. I am still eating fine, but I have not been resting and stretching and relaxing adequately for me.
And I kept adding mental pressure on top of more mental pressure, until I woke up today not feeling great. Maybe a little sick, but definitely physically uncomfortable. Not in the joint-pain way, exactly. Just "off."
And I was thinking back on how MY WHOLE LIFE I always seemed to have less stamina than others. I always needed "a lot" of sleep or I was in trouble; I would "get sick." And always notably different from other people. And I got a lot of slack for it. Friends would get mad if I was not up for stuff. Parents would give me pressure for "resting too much." Society, school, jobs were always pushing doing, doing, accomplishment, accomplishment, and I felt like the only way to keep up was to ignore my physical limitations and warning signs and create an internal drill sergeant in my head who would Tolerate No Slacking. You Rest When You're Dead, sort of thing.
Now, looking back, I wonder if I always had a bit of this autoimmune stuff going on (but since I only ever knew life as that, how could I compare?) and I really needed that rest. I'll never know for sure, so I can choose to believe that or not, I suppose, but what I can do is right now learn the lesson and
take good care of myself as I am, not how I think I should be.